Grrr so annoyed with social services...

kafkathecat

OK, the way I see it is this. The op contacts social services because she has concerns. A message is passed to her local social services but not the full details. I do understand that social services are overworked but the op was trying to be helpful and ended up feeling that she was under suspicion and that wouldn't encourage her or anyone else to contact them next time. The procedures were correct but the way it was handled seems far from ideal to me.

pigpen

If the older child is not his and he broke her arm why would you even consider letting him within a million miles of her? He has no legal right to see her anyway.. that seems particularly strange that you would let him near her especially if she receiving counselling due to his behaviour previously.

Regarding you mutual daughter, I can see why you might want to try to allow them a relationship but I'd be making him crawl over burning coals to get contact.. just to cover my own back and hopefully he'd think it was too much effort and go away.

Regarding school.. I would go in and speak to the head and explain what has gone on and that SS were possibly wanting to come speak to the girls and request you be notified after they had been so you could come make sure or just be reassured by the school the children were ok after they had left.. by forewarning them you are showing you have no issue with them speaking to the girls and nothing to hide.. I would also tell the girls the SW has been to the house and might be coming to speak to them in school but not to be concerned and explain what they want to know and to tell the truth.

if the GF already has one child in care I would guess SS are pretty clued up on the circumstances surrounding the new baby.. but they might not have realised your ex is living there or that the baby is his.. they are not always quick on the uptake

annibee

pigpen wrote: »

but they might not have realised your ex is living there or that the baby is his.. they are not always quick on the uptake

They will be aware and a lot quicker than you would think dear just because something doesn't happen for you to see doesn't mean it hasn't happened.....:p

RacyRed

pigpen wrote: »

If the older child is not his and he broke her arm why would you even consider letting him within a million miles of her? He has no legal right to see her anyway.. that seems particularly strange that you would let him near her especially if she receiving counselling due to his behaviour previously.

In her OP teabag clearly stated that the recent contact was between her YOUNGER daughter (her ex's bilogical child) not her older daughter, who was the abused child.

gizmo111 wrote:

SS will already know about the baby and will have investigated the father - they will not tell the OP what the situation is or what plans are in place for this baby. Why is the OP communicating with this man's family?
Every referal has to be followed up and this one has possible implications that the child is seeing her abuser again - how many times do you hear of men coming out of prison to return to the partner who is convinced they had changed and believes they will be OK now.
The social worker has to talk to the children it will take all of 10 minutes if it is exactly as the OP says and then the case will be closed.
Whoever it was said the public don't like us was spot on, David Cameron is more popular!

Sorry gizmo, I'm not meaning to single you out but your post typifies exactly what concerns me and others like me about the way social services function these days.

It is blatantly obvious that the case workers in this instance have not taken the trouble to read the case history before visiting teabag.

The contact was not between the abused child and her abuser, it was between a father and his (non abused) biological child. Case notes would have recorded the advice given to teabag about contact between father and biological daughter at the time.

The older daughter, the victim of the abuse, has had no contact with her abuser and is now settled, after having been through a horrendous experience. Teabag is married and the only contact with the offender has been because he is the father of the younger daughter and teabag followed the suggetions given to her by SS at that time.

I fully agree that any "at risk" child should be spoken to, to see if any insight can be gained, but in this instance that would seem a very detrimental thing to the emotional well-being of the child concerned. Surely the home visit would have been enough to establish that she is no longer at risk as the child has not had contact with her abuser?

I agree with teabag's concerns that her oldest daughter may be badly emotionally stressed by this. If there were good reason, then it would be a risk worth taking. But is there really good reason? Or is this poor child about to have horrible memories resurected simply because no-one in SS has bothered to read her file properly?

In the same way that many of the social workers replying to teabag do not appear to have bothered to PROPERLY read her original post?

That worries me a lot.

pupsicola

You have done everything right OP, so you have nothing to worry about. Unfortunately it is all the people in society who are not as good a parents as you are that mean SS have to carry out this meeting with your kids. They would not be doing their job if they didn't just speak with your child about the contact she had with her dad and how she feels about it.

Your child is loved, well cared for and safe. Other children are put aat risk all the time and SS have come hugely unstuck by "taking parents word for it" in the past. Ending tragically for children who would have loved the chance to ask for help.

The case will be closed as soon as they have spoken with your daughter. Dont worry about what impression the school may have. They deal with this kind of situation regularly. Have a chat with them if you would feel better about it and tell them what you have told us. They will respect you and suppport you.

You did the right thing letting your ex new partner know who she was involved with. SS cant go into their case with you but at least you know that the baby is safe.

RacyRed

annibee wrote: »

They will be aware and a lot quicker than you would think dear just because something doesn't happen for you to see doesn't mean it hasn't happened.....:p

Typical and infuriating "we know better than you" attitude.

annibee

RacyRed wrote: »

In her OP teabag clearly stated that the recent contact was between her YOUNGER daughter (her ex's bilogical child) not her older daughter, who was the abused child.



Sorry gizmo, I'm not meaning to single you out but your post typifies exactly what concerns me and others like me about the way social services function these days.

It is blatantly obvious that the case workers in this instance have not taken the trouble to read the case history before visiting teabag.

The contact was not between the abused child and her abuser, it was between a father and his (non abused) biological child. Case notes would have recorded the advice given to teabag about contact between father and biological daughter at the time.

The older daughter, the victim of the abuse, has had no contact with her abuser and is now settled, after having been through a horrendous experience. Teabag is married and the only contact with the offender has been because he is the father of the younger daughter and teabag followed the suggetions given to her by SS at that time.

I fully agree that any "at risk" child should be spoken to, to see if any insight can be gained, but in this instance that would seem a very detrimental thing to the emotional well-being of the child concerned. Surely the home visit would have been enough to establish that she is no longer at risk as the child has not had contact with her abuser?

I agree with teabag's concerns that her oldest daughter may be badly emotionally stressed by this. If there were good reason, then it would be a risk worth taking. But is there really good reason? Or is this poor child about to have horrible memories resurected simply because no-one in SS has bothered to read her file properly?

In the same way that many of the social workers replying to teabag do not appear to have bothered to PROPERLY read her original post?

That worries me a lot.

Have some social workers replied then?

Its not that SS will have not "bothered" as you so professionally put it its that there isn't a system - perhaps if you care to read back to my post re contactpoint that might explain a little to you although maybe I didn't word it simple enough to people who are unfamiliar of the processes so sorry about that.

and as for your "we hate SS" attitude.....it seems sad that you have such a negative view on a service that saves lives of children and protects them...makes me worried that you are the type of person who thinks the world would be better without them *shudders*

I'm not saying all Social Workers are great because that's not the issue and there are some that quite frankly shouldn't be in their jobs....just like with any profession however what I did was give the op some useful information on why the SW went about things the way they did.

Perhaps it would be more useful to offer constructive support rather than attacking SW's due to a bad experience you clearly have had with them? Unless of course you really do think the world is better without SS?

vroombroom

social workers - dammed if they do, dammed if they don't

annibee

vroombroom wrote: »

social workers - dammed if they do, dammed if they don't

Yeh deffo not an enviable job lol especially the people who think that Social workers are the right hand of devil!!

*over cautious and their accused of sticking their nose in
*under cautious and a child can die and people blame them for not being cautious enough
*giving information at every point and its a "we know better than you" attitude
*not enough information and its a "not quick on the uptake"

really cant win

pupsicola

teabag29 wrote: »

They asked me about him contacting me and i explained he'd had contact once last year supervised by me and husband and it was clear that he hadnt changed much and so it has never happened since and i have told him if he wants contact he needs to go to court. They said he does not care about my daughter and he just wants a rendezvous with me.

It seems they were concerned that i would get back with him. I explained im married and have been with my partner for over 6 years, they didnt bother to find this out b4 coming to see me or that it was actually me who rang them for advice.

They said they cant close the case until they have spoken to the children in the next week or 2 and that will prob take place at school and then they will write to me explaining case is closed.

OP I really dont think you have anything to worry about. SS have obviously been in contact with your ex and his new partner. Whatever they have decided regarding their child will not be revealed to you.

What I have highlighted above is the crux of the matter. Your ex is hardly going to like that you have quite rightly let his new partner know exactly what kind of a man she is involved with. Or that SS are now more than likely investigating his new set up.

So he is trying to cause trouble for you and your family now by suggesting he wants a realtionship with you. You can prove that that wont happen and that you have followed SS advice at every turn. Your ex will not succeed.

As part of their job they have to speak with your children. Just to make sure they are okay. They cannot just take your word for it, as they have been missled by so many in the past, leading to tragic endings.

You have stated that they will speak with the children and then write to you and say case is closed. They wouldn't state that if they felt there was a problem.

They cant have a sched 1 offender saying he wants to be with you and not follow it through. They will prove exactly what he is like and know that you are doing everything right and then close the case.