Grrr so annoyed with social services...

teabag29

Thanks for your replies guys. Just to clarify, it was social services (different county) who told me back in 2006 before they ended their involvment that if my ex wanted contact again in the future he had the right and i would have to decide when the right time was and build it up gradually from photos to phone calls then contact when i felt time was right and only if my dd wanted it. Well i did this to the letter. They said he would have to be supervised by someone over 18 and gave the example of a mutual friend, it was myself and husband that supervised it.

Im not sure what is happening with his girlfriend and newborn all ss can tell me is that the baby is safe.

Regarding questioning the kids i dont think its anything to do with them thinking hes seen my ex as they have spoken to my ex who has admitted the situation that ive refused contact and at the time they didnt realised ive been married for years. They said they aren't allowed to close the case until they have spoken to the kids and as no direct allegation has been made (which is usually how a referral works) they will only be asking them open ended questions such as are you happy at home and school and do you have any concerns.

I see why some of you think im wrong for being annoyed but ive followed ss advice to the letter and when ex's girlfriend didnt seem to know about my ex i rang ss for advice regarding things. I dont see why im being referred tbh. Having ss knock on my door makes me feel as though they are questioning my parenting.

clearingout

I would mention it to the school if you're worried about how it looks. Presumably they're aware of your situation anyway? At least then they know it's happening, and you're seen as upfront and honest about it all. As for the baby, rules of confidentiality would prevent SS from discussing that with the OP, I think. I wouldn't assume they are not doing anything about that side of this story, just that it has nothing at all to do with the OP.

bestpud

I'm not sure I'd want him as a friend on FB.

Maybe block him so he can't track what you are up to? Seems to me you may have annoyed him by telling SS about his new partner and it's better he isn't able to work out what you or you children are up to day to day?

onetomany

i think ss are doing the right thing puttting the kids first just be honest op, and let them investigate if u havent done anything wrong (witch sounds like u havent) then you havent got anything to worry about whats worring me is the girlfriend trying to get her child out of care with him i hope to god it never happens , makes me wonder if she is being honest with ss

teabag29

Yes i blocked him last week and his partner and blocked his number from ringing me

teabag29

when i rang ss to ask for advice they asked me for his and his partners name and as soon as i mentioned her name they said they are already known to them and that the baby was safe. They asked me what my ex and his partner had told me about the baby and i said very little other than that it was born end of jan and is my dd half brother and they would like to bring him to meet her. According to his ex the baby lives at home with them so im not sure what ss are doing, guess they must be monitoring it somehow.

annibee

Hi Teabag,

what a difficult situation. Hard as it is to go through all that in the past but I can see you were just trying to do what was best for your child in reintroducing her family and no-one can think bad of you for that. We live in a society where people can and do change - ie look at this site people trying to stop bad habits, clear debt etc. and you wanted to give your ex partner benefit of the doubt which is understandable.

I would say his lack of interest in your daughter is either awkwardness with not seeing her for so long or that he had a ulterior motive - maybe because of new baby who knows?

You did the right thing in holding Supervised contact however SS have a job to do and with this already being something they are involved in they need to talk to your daughter. I know its difficult but SS have a rule that they must speak to the child/children....this was introduced after the case of Victoria Climbie because it was felt if she had been spoken to (in her own language) she may have let someone know the terror she had been through. Now its pretty clear this is not a similar case for you but the rules must still apply im afraid.
Schools have this sort of thing happening all the time. You could perhaps meet with the school and let them know the situation beforehand if you want so that they are aware but thats your choice SS wont give them all the details but may well let them know things such as dad cannot pick your daughter up etc etc (but in all fairness you should have already told them this)

SS will be aware of the newborn and as scary as it is for someone who has been through what you have to just let your ex and his new partner get on with things. SS will be assessing the newborn anyway if the mother already has one in care and one of the things they will check is the fathers history in which it will show up details of your case.....unless you have moved areas which is where it gets complicated.

teabag29

Yes i have moved about 80 miles away. ss didnt know anything about the history when they arrived yesterday not even the kids names or D.O.B. I had to fill them in on everything. I just hope it doesnt send my eldest girl off the rails when she see's them again

annibee

teabag29 wrote: »

Yes i have moved about 80 miles away. ss didnt know anything about the history when they arrived yesterday not even the kids names or D.O.B. I had to fill them in on everything. I just hope it doesnt send my eldest girl off the rails when she see's them again

All you can do is be supportive and she will know shes got your support so im sure she will be fine....if she see's you stressed about it then shes more likely to be stressed.

We had contactpoint brought in last year so that was supposed to make sure all childrens/young peoples details could be searched regardless of where they lived but this new government scrapped it so now if you move out of your area the details can only be got if you tell them and they request it from your local authority...... so if you let them know your authority that the incidents occurred in and they can email through too them for more info from their system......itll take a while though unfortunately.

mum2twinsx2

There doing their jobs. They have duty to make sure your children and yourself are protected. I can`t see why your shooting them down.