Is it domestic violence? I just want to do the right thing for my kids

suited-aces

I'm usually pretty quick to jump in when I think a man is being unfairly villified (happens a lot around here), but from what you are saying, you need to do something for your own sake and your kids' sake

craftingmad

Thanks everyone. I feel so much better just knowing that even one person believes (like me) its not my fault.

I am still terrified of life "outside" but you have all given me so much new found confidence and courage and I'm now trying to get some financial cushion by switching accounts into joint names etc, finding all of his savings details etc so that when I make the big break I know where to hit him exactly where it hurts.

I am determined to do this and am finding out about all the help and support out there and finding the kids and I a safe place to live before making my big break.

Thanks so much. I really feel like part of a loving family for the first time in many years xx

RAS

Hi

Please also set up your own basic bank account, which does not need a credit check.

Are the Child Benefits in your name?

PolishBigSpender

belfastgirl23 wrote: »

But not since - I do think people can learn their lesson on something like this and I thought it was actually a good sign that this was a one off. I did also say that at the end of the day the OP knows whether he's a basically good guy or not...

One off is one too many. Seriously, you'd stay with a guy who hit you ON YOUR HONEYMOON???
A guy that is abusing his wife and has a history of hitting her is not a good guy. End of.

Dontknowanymore

craftingmad wrote: »

Thanks everyone. I feel so much better just knowing that even one person believes (like me) its not my fault.

I am still terrified of life "outside" but you have all given me so much new found confidence and courage and I'm now trying to get some financial cushion by switching accounts into joint names etc, finding all of his savings details etc so that when I make the big break I know where to hit him exactly where it hurts.

I am determined to do this and am finding out about all the help and support out there and finding the kids and I a safe place to live before making my big break.

Thanks so much. I really feel like part of a loving family for the first time in many years xx

Aww bless ya hun, even though this is essentially a moneysaving site I over the last 5 years (had to change my UN) have found it a great place for support at some really bad times in my life and have made a few really good friends too.

I echo about getting your own bank account, I do feel that some proffessional advice from a domestic abuse outreach team or similar would be very useful to you right along the way, from finances to housing and benefits et.

I wish you all the luck in the world, it is not an easy thing to do but I tell you from personal experience that removing yourself and your children from this situation will be the best decision you will ever make xx

bluebag

This is a very scary situation for you as you are worried about your security, that is understandable. You need to act now even though you are scared.

There are womens centres that can help you, one has been mentioned in this thread already, get help.

Evidence is domestic abuse escalates over time, do something positive for you and your children before that happens.

ElaineC_2

Hi

I have the same problem with emotional bullying. I went to relate the other day, as i left my husband 3 weeks ago because of the way he shouts and is aggressive towards my boys. I said at Christmas I stood between OH and son (18) as OH shouted as loud as he could at us. The counsellor asked me why I stood inbetween them and I said because I thought it might come to blows. OH then said "John can give as good as he gets". John is a sensitive young lad and would not punch anyone. He is very upset as he cannot believe family and violence could ever be put together, but some good is coming out of this. I now know I did the right thing in leaving. Thanks to all who answered a previous thread about me leaving, it was very comforting.