What do you think you would do if....

mrsspendalot

flutterby_lil wrote: »

I have to agree with those that say being a step mum is so different to being a natural mum. I think with us mum's it is so different when we have actually been pregnant and already had a 9 month "relationship" with the bubba before he/she is even born.

Fannyanna, i think that when you do have a baby of your own you will feel further apart from the step kids than you do now, just my personal experience being a step mum and natural mum. I don't know if it is a case of jealousy towards the other parent (mum) for you at the minute or jealousy that you do not have a baby yourself. Hope I am not speaking out of turn, trying to think how you may feel as I am in a simialr position to you where the step kids are concerned

Good luck, take care.

Thanks for this post, I don't feel quite so bad now about struggling with step-motherhood knowing I'm not the only one.

In my situation, my children are all older than DSD (well, one is the same age), so I have been a parent much longer too. My children have had years growing up together in a certain way, doing certain things, and learning values from me. To have another child suddenly appear on the scene who has been brought up completely differently is hard to adjust to, and it's not like you can suddenly change the way you bring your own children up or influence the way the other mother brings the step-child up either.

I half wondered whether having a baby together would bring everyone closer and make us feel more like a family, as I would somehow have more of a connection with DSD as this baby would be her half-brother, but I kind of feel at the back of my mind it will make the difference between 'mine' and my DSD all the more obvious. It's never going to change the fact that DSD has another mother who has different ideas and approaches to parenting to mine.

I hope you reach a decision you are happy with Fannyanna about children xxx

mum24boys

Have you been on the pill for a long time. With alot of my friends all the ones who have been on the pill since they were 16 took alot longer to get caught than those who did not. They tended to try for 6/9 months before they got pregnant. Im not a step mum but completely understand where you are coming from. Try not to worry, it will happen.

Mrs_J_3

Glad you are in a better frame of mind today.


Firstly, you do need to relax a little. Yes I totally get that you are worried there could be a fertility issue, but you do not know this yet. Even if there was a fertility issue, theres a pretty decent chance that there is a treatment that could help. What I'm saying is that there a million possibilities out there and you'd be better placed using your energy to save some cash for when bub does come along, because you're going to need it!

As for your initial question, I would explore my options, and probably adopt if possible. If not I'd settle down with my bloke after all marriage is about the two of you and no one else. I would only leave if he turned around and said he didn't want kids, but that's a different issue entirely.

Relax and good luck trying ;-)

ajaney

Not read the whole thread but just on the conceiving point:

My OH has a son from a previous relationship. I had been on the pill for 12 years when we decided to try for one of our own. I came off the pill & the trying commenced! Nothing happened after 8 months so i had hormone levels checked by doctors, all fine. Kept trying. Just over a year later, i got a new job so we decided that we would put it on hold & seek help in the new year. This was in the June, I fell pregnant in the November & now have a 9 month old.

Once we (well probably me) stopped worrying about it, it happened!

The best piece of advice i was given about being 'stepmum' is to remember that these children don't need a mother, they already have one of those. I have always approached my relationship with OH's son from a friend point of view as much as possible.