What do you think you would do if....

pinkclouds

As a happily married mom of two kids, my personal opinion is: see your OBG immediately to check out your concerns, try to conceive naturally if you can and consider whatever alternatives are palatable to both you and hubby e.g. IVF, surrogacy, adoption.

Yes, I did marry my husband because I love him. However, I would be devastated and emotionally crippled to be childless (through lack of choice) and if, under those circumstances, my husband would not agree to pursue other means of becoming parents then I'd have left him to try adopting as a single parent. That's as honest as I can get.

If all this does is show the OP that I'm more selfish than her, well, I hope even that helps a little.

Oh, and I'm sure you can be a good step-parent while dealing with personal troubles. It's what good parents do. You don't unload your baggage on to your kids. You make sure they are loved and happy and you deal with your adult problems in an adult fashion. I think you're coping with it pretty well, considered.

flutterby_lil

Fannyanna, how long have you been together? How old are his children?

mrsspendalot

Fannyanna, I'd just like to say that as a step-mum and a natural mum, I find step-parenting really hard - much harder than I thought it would be. It might not be a popular thing to say, but I just feel that no matter how hard I try, I will never look at DSD and gush with love and affection for her like I do when I look at my own. That's not to say I don't put in a lot of effort to making sure hubby knows DSD is part of our family in my eyes etc, and I certainly don't let DSD sense I feel differently towards her than my own when we see her, but it is just never going to be the same for me as being a 'real' mum. Me and hubby are about to have our first baby together, and I have to admit I'm nervous about the impact this will have, and whether it will make step-parenting even harder than I already find it.

Jojo_the_Tightfisted

I am assuming that the missed periods, the getting weepy and upset and insecure have nothing to do with the possibility of being pregnant already?

fannyanna

Gosh quite a few more comments since last night.

I'll look through and answer any specific questions etc but first can I just say a big THANK YOU for being so kind and supportive. I was really worried about posting as I've seen how nasty some posts can turn so once again thank you.

Today is a new day and I'm feeling a lot better about things - it's amazing how much of an impact your thoughts can have on your emotions

fannyanna

casbah wrote: »

Also, at your age I feel most people are at a crossroads, No longer a child/young adult and not yet ready to go it alone.
Have you considered forgetting ALL of this for a while? Why not give yourself 6 months off, make a list of things you want to do in the next 6 months, i.e Go see a West end show, go jet skiing, learn to ride a horse anything to take your mind off this, I had 'trouble' falling for my first child...........my wonderful GP told me to forget about it, keep busy and let nature do her thing, it happened!!!!
Cas

I have always known that I wanted children and I guess we got to the point where we'd been married for a few years and it seemed the right time.

I think it's the worry that I might not be able to have children that worries me rather than the timing of when we had them. Hope that makes sense.

fannyanna

minerva_windsong wrote: »

Do any of your friends have children? I'm just wondering if that's partly the case and you're feeling a bit left out (but obviously tell me to get lost if I'm wrong!).

Haha - no, I'm the odd one out.

My friends are still young 26 year olds who go out and have fun. I joke that I feel older than my years as I don't see many other 26 year olds with the same lifestyle as me (maybe those 10 years older than me). Of course there are people younger than me that have more responsibility etc.

I now sound like I begrudge my lifestyle but that's not what I'm trying to get at :rotfl:

fannyanna

flutterby_lil wrote: »

Fannyanna, how long have you been together? How old are his children?

5 years. Kids are 7 and 9.

fannyanna

Jojo_the_Tightfisted wrote: »

I am assuming that the missed periods, the getting weepy and upset and insecure have nothing to do with the possibility of being pregnant already?

Nope, just a nut job :rotfl:

flutterby_lil

I have to agree with those that say being a step mum is so different to being a natural mum. I think with us mum's it is so different when we have actually been pregnant and already had a 9 month "relationship" with the bubba before he/she is even born.

Fannyanna, i think that when you do have a baby of your own you will feel further apart from the step kids than you do now, just my personal experience being a step mum and natural mum. I don't know if it is a case of jealousy towards the other parent (mum) for you at the minute or jealousy that you do not have a baby yourself. Hope I am not speaking out of turn, trying to think how you may feel as I am in a simialr position to you where the step kids are concerned

Good luck, take care.