Bit of Advice Please Rgarding My Children

RAS

tattycath is right.

SixNineSix

thank you mummycat and tattycath, very useful information, very much appreciated.

ill get on to the residency order straight away.

is it something i do over the phone, or apply for in writing or is it through the courts with my solicitor.

as i say, im remaining very calm and very fair regarding the whole situation. i want nothing to jeapordise me not seeing my kids and being the main provider for them, as i have been all their lives.

landlord has just left, hes asked me to sign a form after ive sorted my income support and child benefit/house benefit tomorrow, so that i give him rights to inquire about stuff on my behalf. things like the housing benefit he can speed it up as he can push for it.

MummyCat123

A Residency Order is done through the court. Your solicitor will petition on your behalf, a copy of the request and court hearing details will be sent to your ex at her new address.

Find out who your District Judge is going to be beforehand and prepare a file to send (Recorded Delivery) in advance to him/her stating background to the case, references from the Nursery Head Teacher you mentioned etc, just to give you a bit more credence.

Try and keep things as amicable with the ex as possible - anything tit for tat can come back to haunt you - and explain to your ex (well in advance) why your applying to the court - ie, it's better everything is official on paper etc.

MCx

Mojisola

It's a shame that the child benefit was in her name because you could have been getting NI credits towards your pension while you've been at home raising the children.

pandaspot

While the chb is being paid to her, the children won't be included on your housing and council tax benefit claim. Which means you will only get the 1 bedroom rate of lha.

However when chb is in your name the lha rate will be changed from the date you started receiving the chb. So it will be backdated.

I just thought of a problem, you will be on the 1 bed rate now presumably as your ex is homeless, you will be awarded chb after April probably and this will mean your lha rate will be changed in April. This will mean your lha will drop due to it being affected by the 30 percentile changes. Have a look on here for the new changes https://lha-direct.voa.gov.uk/Secure/LHARateSearch.aspx?SearchType=PostCode and the new rates from April.

viktory

The OP makes me feel really uncomfortable. The OP's wife has done a terrible thing, but it sounds like the OP has not worked for ages. He states that the kids are four and one and that he has been a stay at home Dad for 5 years. Sounds like the OP's wife had no choice but to go back to wrk to earn some money. Now he talks about the children he has raised and how he is their mother. Sad. Makes me feel really uncomfortable and I wonder what he is not telling us.

dseventy

viktory wrote: »

The OP makes me feel really uncomfortable. The OP's wife has done a terrible thing, but it sounds like the OP has not worked for ages. He states that the kids are four and one and that he has been a stay at home Dad for 5 years. Sounds like the OP's wife had no choice but to go back to wrk to earn some money. Now he talks about the children he has raised and how he is their mother. Sad. Makes me feel really uncomfortable and I wonder what he is not telling us.

Got to agree, theres more to this story that we will never get. Someone who has never worked and relied on the partner, now on the state, yet fully clued up on single parent benefits.

I expect a strong rebuttal from the OP, but hey-ho.

D70

dogfish12

Viktory, please can you be more specific about why "the op makes you feel uncomfortable." I get the feeling that you do not like the idea of the house husband idea. If so, please can you share with us why?

Caz3121

Not sure why it is strange, no-one would bat an eyelid if the roles are reversed. I have a friend with 3 children who made the decision with her husband before they had children that, since she was the higher wage earner, it made more sense for him to be the one at home with the children and so he is a househusband (3 children under 5) and she works full time. The days of equality in the workplace are here...why not at home

SixNineSix

My ex is a scientist, shes trained for 11 years and is about to do her masters degree. her career is her life, she would never give up her job. I worked all my life up until my ex came off her maternity leave. When my son started baby day nursery, i went back to work for a while before we ran into various problems. We moved house and the nursery was too far away, we never really bothered to look for another one so i gave up my job as a car body repairer and looked after my son full time. It worked for us, she had a well paid job and could support me and my son aswell as herself.

Then my ex fell pregnant again, at the time, we sat down and discussed it and didnt really come to any concrete solution. I had expressed i didnt think we could really afford another baby and id lean towards an abortion, she could see where i was coming from but also really wanted the baby. I said lets leave it a week or so and we'll talk again.

I then recieved texts off my family saying congratulations on my ex being pregnant, great news.

i felt betrayed. ultimatley its her choice, but i thought we was gonna discuss it together and come to a decision together.

She had the baby, my beautiful baby daughter who i love very much. Shes hillarious, makes me laugh all the time and my son adores her.

My ex made the right choice to keep the baby as id not have had the daughter i have today.

So, im home by myself, with my son and my newly born daughter, she goes back to work after her maternity leave and ive raised the children since to the very best of my ability.

Im a 100% genuine guy, i know that aint much to say on a forum, but everyone i know says how much of a terrific dad i am and i should be proud of what im doing. Not many men could take responsability like i have, at such a young age really. But its my job now, my children are my world, id be lost without them.

As for the me being clued up on welfare benefits. ive had help from my mom, family, the citizens advice bureau and my landlord on what i need to do and when i have to do it. ive also recieved help from some other forums that i browse on.

im getting 4 hours sleep a night, i aint eating properly yet, but im getting there. all i want is my children to be happy and raised properly. I am the person to do that with their mothers help when her work allows.

i aint here for your sympathy or speculation, purely a bit of advice on how i can sort my life out.

Thanks again for the help from the others, i sincerely appreciate it