Step Fathers..........

Rich_by_Name_2

Could I just make the point that the OP has asked for advice, not to be judged on what has gone on before. There's a lot of posts just criticising her without offering the remotest assistance. It's simply not helpful, and if the OP is after help why should she have to read through some many pointless posts that do nothing other than making the poster feel all superior because they are so great, and the OP like doggy do. Heaven forbid the OP also wants her marriage to work out - there's nothing wrong with that!

My Mum remarried when I was ten and my relationship has always been good with my own Stepfather so I can't comment. I would say though that if he had turned on me in the way you describe then I'm not sure my Mum would have been strong enough to stand up to him. It would have been a difficult position to be in.

Decide what you want to do with regards to your husband. I would not suggest an ultimatum, but tell him "it stops here and now". At the first sign of a cutting comment, let him know you were serious.

Similarly, try to discuss it with your son. Reassure him that you have seen what is going on and you'll make sure it's dealt with. If that means leaving your other half, well, only you can make that choice but can you love someone that is systematically bullying your own child. It is a brave move to get up and leave because of the uncertainty, but the uncertainty must be better than the certainty of having an emotionally damaged son.

Silver_123

Thank you very much Rich - think you said it better than I can. I do accept the comments - my friends think he is fantastic, but they have no idea what goes on behind closed doors. I wish I was more ballsy but I'm not confrontational or challenging.

McKneff

Sorry OP, its just that everyone over reacts when child abuse rears its ugly head.

Just one sentence.

You know what you have to do.
And I really wish you good luck (and your son, he sounds like a little treasure)

pigpen

fifi_browne wrote: »

I'm not confrontational or challenging.

You don't have to be.. just be protective of your young man! My oldest son went to live with my mother to protect him from his fathers evil bullying and aggression

MCMitten

Rich_by_Name wrote: »

Could I just make the point that the OP has asked for advice, not to be judged on what has gone on before. There's a lot of posts just criticising her without offering the remotest assistance. It's simply not helpful, and if the OP is after help why should she have to read through some many pointless posts that do nothing other than making the poster feel all superior because they are so great, and the OP like doggy do. Heaven forbid the OP also wants her marriage to work out - there's nothing wrong with that!

I have not judged anyone in anyway- i've stated that in my opinion her OH is behaving appallingly and if it were me (and it was once) I would leave for her sons sake. That is my advice.

I suppose in my experience leopards never change their spots and that's why I maybe rush in and say leave before it's too late.

shellsuit

What is more important?

Your son?

Your house?

Your marriage?

Rich_by_Name_2

MCMitten wrote: »

I have not judged anyone in anyway.

I know. :beer:

dundeediva

Hi OP

Thought this might help...

My mum married a guy in 2002, we didnt get on and i was still living at home. I sat my mum down and explained how i felt and ended up giving her an ultimatum- him or me.

Unfortunatly for me, she chose him. I moved out and for the next year I didnt see her and would arrange to see my siblings when she wasnt there. A year after the marriage, she realised what the ba****d was like and kicked him out (not before he held a knife to her throat but that story if another day...). Luckily, me and my mum having an amazing relationship now and I suppose i am greatful for her kicking him out, as we are now more like best friends than mother/daughter.

I dont want you to have to be given an ultimatum by either of them. Make a decision (I would recommend kicking you husband the the kerb but only you could decide that) and work on you and your sons relationship before anything serious happens.

I wish you all the luck in the world and hope you have a happy future, whatever decision you make xx

Susan_Frost

Does your son have a (good) relationship with his father and could he go live with him.

That way, you get to keep your husband and your house and a relationship of sorts with your son. And your son gets some peace and a loving home.

(or grandparent, or aunt/uncle) or is it all so secret that no-one else is allowed to protect your son either.

Do right by your boy

memelalou

I don't usually respond to these types of threads, but it has really struck acord with me.

My 'stepfather' was very simular to your son's always's bulling and belittling me, as well as other abuse i had to put up with. My 'mother' knew and let it happen.

I ran away from home at 17 and suffered a nervous breakdown, self harmed and tried to commit suicide.

When i started to recover the person i hated and caused me the most pain was not my abuser, but my mother for not taking my side and protecting me. It took me along time to heal and to some extend am still healing from the fact the one person who was 'programmed' to love and protect me didn't and living in a home where i didn't feel loved nor safe and secure.

I haven't wrote this to make you feel guilty or be hurtful, but hopefuly it might make you see how important it is too protect and support your son. Even if my 'mother' had a change of heart now i could never forgive her, but it's not to late for you.