Step Fathers..........

Silver_123

Hi, I just wonder what others would do in my situation. I have 2 children from my first marriage, daughter aged 21 years old and son aged16, obviously the younger one lives at home and is in college. I re-married about 3 years ago and the relationship between new hb and son has never been great, definitely no fighting or rowing, but hb jealous of close relationship I have with son and he continually belittles him, makes horrible snide comments, and on the whole is quite vile. My son is quite nervous and has had an intermittant tick, also his body language when around hb is very guarded and he stutters a lot when speaking to hb. Now, I have decided that actually hb is a bully, he ADORES my daughter and is fabulous with my friends who love him, but they have no idea what he is like with my son. I say very little as I don't want to rock the boat, but last night he was absolutely vile to my son and this evening too - it's the snide comments are horrible, and it made me cry tonight. My son causes little trouble, never misses college, has a part time job, and is just a normal teenager. Hb is very cutting to my son, he has never asked him how is college or how is his day, but I accept this as he doesn't have any relationship with his own kids, age 10 and 12, only pays a lot of maintenance for them - by the way, I have no relationship with his kids as they live in Holland, and they don't speak English and rarely come over - about once every other year for a week. I just feel like walking away - other than that - he's not a bad person, we have talked about this before, and his answer is "well he (son) doesn't like me either", but my son has never ever ever said anything to me about not liking hb, I don't even think I am being too sensitive, I bite my tongue a lot, but actually last night and this evening has really upset me. Sorry for the long rant! I wonder what others would do????

Tigsteroonie

I'd give him an ultimatum - he changes, or I leave.

What kind of adult says "Well he doesn't like me either"?

shellsuit

What would I do?

Kick my husbands backside right out of the door.

I wouldn't let anyone speak to my children in that way, least the person who is supposed to love us!

If he's always been like that with your son, what possessed you to marry him?

Your poor son, I can't even imagine what he must feel like

Silver_123

Even though we have a HUGE mortgage? and probably little equity???????? It sounds frightening!

nickyhutch

What would I do? I wouldn't have married someone who didn't have a good relationship with my son in the first place. By staying with this man, you're validating his behaviour towards your son, which is wrong, wrong, wrong.

nickyhutch

fifi_browne wrote: »

Even though we have a HUGE mortgage? and probably little equity???????? It sounds frightening!

Even though your son is having to live with a bully?

Mortgage.... son being bullied.....mortgage....son being bullied....? Oooh, decisions, decisions...

MCMitten

I would be thinking about how miseable your DS must be feeling. If you were posting about your OH treating you like that, i'm sure many people on here would be telling you to walk away from that kind of abuse.

If anyone spoke to my son that way and belittled him at every opportunity, they would be told to do one (but that is just me) and your OHs excuse that 'he doesn't like me either' is pitiful- how old is this man????

I really hope you get this sorted out for everyones sake, because you cant be happy being stuck in this situation and your DS will be miserable aswel.

pink_princess

No wonder your son is nervous :eek: He should feel safe in his own home.If your hubby didn t want him around he should of married someone without kids.You really need to halt this now one way or another,your his mum you must protect him.

MCMitten

fifi_browne wrote: »

Even though we have a HUGE mortgage? and probably little equity???????? It sounds frightening!

I left everything behind to get away from my abusive ex, for my sake and DSs.

It is frightening, but I couldn't be happier now and would go back and do it all again in a heartbeat. Money/property etc is nothing if you and your children are not happy.

Js_Other_Half

I have an uncle who treated his stepson badly on an emotional level. Lad was about 10 or so when his mum remarried. The lad legged it as soon as he could, and lives hundreds of miles away now. His mother barely has a relationship with him.

So, what do you want for you and your son? Because if I was him, I'd never forgive you for not protecting 'me'.

Alikay

I'm shocked that for 3 years you've failed to protect your child from this bully. Now when your son stutters and has a tic you suss that the guy you've married has a nasty side to him:eek:

Your poor poor son.