when your parents get remarried ...

gratefulforhelp_2

Mojisola wrote: »

It's not usually that simple. It could well be that the father left everything to his wife because he believed that she would "do the right thing" by his children when she died. All too often, this doesn't happen.

A decent solicitor would explore this with people writing wills. Ours did.

margaretclare wrote: »

That said, in our mirror wills we've bypassed the 'children' generation and have left everything to be split equally between 5 grandchildren, 3 of mine and 2 of his.

This is frequently what people do, and it can work well.

Deals...I don't think people are angry, it's just rather unpalatably grabby the idea of a child trying to ensure they are done right by in their parents' wills. Your original posts rather pointed that way.

Newly_retired

It is a difficult one especially if one of the parents has inherited from their parents and really doesn't want this to pass to step children. In this case a solicitor is needed to draw up suitable wills eg leaving the house to the spouse and the money to the grandchildren would be one way of doing it, but it all depends how the assets of the estate are tied up.
Few spouses want their wife/husband to have no home when they die and often the money is tied up in property. In that case, by owning the property as tenants-in-common, bequeathing your half to a trust giving the spouse full use of the house in his/her lifetime, then to be left to the own children is the solution we have gone for. This is exactly what was done on one of those Can't take it wiith you programmes, so we were well advised by our solicitor.

shellsuit

Deals wrote: »

i think everyone should benefit . it is a hard one really. i think if you leave kids out of inheritance then there will be nothing but fall outs etc later when you are gone...?

The best thing is to spend everything and leave sod all to anyone.

Everyone should benefit??? The only people that should benefit are the people who worked hard for their money.

When my husbands Grandmother died, she left my husband £0. She left my husbands brother £30K and she left my husbands Dad and his wife £50K.

My husband had nursed his Grandma when she was dying and left his job to care for her 24/7. Nobody else could be bothered to do it. He didn't do it for the money because he knew he wasn't going to be left anything anyway.

His brother and Dad had both promised to give my husband some of their money. They gave him £0.

Guess who is skint now and who isn't?

That didn't even bother my husband and still doesn't to this day.

Mrs_P_Pincher

Mr P and I have three children from previous marriages. We will not have children together (too old). We live in his house that he bought 20 years ago and which is mortgage free. It took us about a year to sort out our affairs, but now I get to stay in the house until I die, provided I don't cohabit or remarry and if I need to I can sell this and buy another property (say a flat) on the same terms. If I remarry or cohabit, the house will be sold, his daughter will get her share and I will get mine. If I don't, then when we are both dead the house will be sold and the proceeds divided between our respective children, with the lion's share going to his DD. This suits us.

His DD on the other hand appears to assume that everything will come to me. That's the only reason I can come up with for her appalling rudeness to me over the years.

Parents will do what they will do. All the next generation can do is encourage them to make proper, valid Wills and keep their affairs in order, to ensure that their worldy goods go where THEY want them to go.

Mrs P P

Mojisola

shellsuit wrote: »

The best thing is to spend everything and leave sod all to anyone.

Unless you know the date of your death in advance, this is very difficult. Are you going to spend up to the hilt all your life and never keep a reserve for emergencies just in case you die and have money or property that has to be left to someone else?

Svenena

Both my parents remarried after divorcing when I was a teenager. I never expected to get any kind of inheritance, and also expected my parents to live for years and years, especially since all 4 of my grandparents were still alive until a few years ago. But sadly the issue was bought up recently, as I lost my dad last year. He didn't leave a will, so everything went to my step-mum. I got on okay with her, but we weren't close, and I haven't spoken to her since just after it happened. I understand she's now involved with someone else.

To complicate matters, my dad's father passed away six months later. As my nan died a couple of years ago, there was then my grandparents' estate to sort out. As my dad had predeceased, his share of the inheritance is going to my brother and I. If the deaths had happened the other way around, my grandparents property would have gone to my dad, and then my step-mum would have inherited it all (my dad and step-mum lived in America, so different intestacy rules apply). I'm sure my grandparents would have preferred the share of their estate to go to my brother and I than my step-mum and her new partner.

This all made my mum think about her will. My parents had had them when they were married (I remember being told about it), but these were obviously voided with the divorce and remarriages. I had kind of assumed my mum would have redone it, but I wouldn't have asked. Anyway, a month or so ago, she told me that her and her husband had just made their wills. I was surprised, as they've been married 10 years-ish, and I thought my mum was more on the ball than that. When my mum remarried, my step-dad wasn't working, so my mum supported him, as well as paying the mortgage on the house which her and my dad had bought together. My step-dad has two adult children from his previous marriage. He's now been working for a few years (albeit on a significantly lower income than my mum), and contributing to the household. The split they decided on was 40% to his two children, and 60% between my brother and I.

My mum felt really awkward about bringing this up with me, although I'm not sure why. I don't really have an opinion on the split - if anything I would have expected it to be 25% each. I also think there's more to leaving a will than just who gets what. I understand it can make things much easier for those left behind, administratively, as well as meaning disputes are less likely. My mum also said she felt awkward bringing it up with her husband in the first place, which I suppose is because she wasn't sure how he'd feel about leaving less to his children, and discussing who'd put what into the estate, etc.

There's lots to think about with the complicated families many people have today. I don't think discussing wills with your parents means you're expecting anything or something. People have every right to spend their own money and leave nothing if they like. But it's sensible to let those who will be executors/beneficiaries know, and I also think wills are something a lot of people don't like to think about, and may put off doing, even if they have strong opinions on what they'd like to happen after their death. They may also not understand how things are distributed when a will isn't left, and intestacy rules apply. I'm sure plenty of parents (most?) would actually like to leave something to their children, and wouldn't be offended by it being brought up, if it's done in the right way.

thebillet

Nice post Svenena.

shellsuit

Mojisola wrote: »

Unless you know the date of your death in advance, this is very difficult. Are you going to spend up to the hilt all your life and never keep a reserve for emergencies just in case you die and have money or property that has to be left to someone else?

I'll never be rich unless I win the lottery and I don't own my own home, so I'll have nothing to leave behind apart from personal possessions.

Mojisola

shellsuit wrote: »

I'll never be rich unless I win the lottery and I don't own my own home, so I'll have nothing to leave behind apart from personal possessions.

And they could be very important to anyone you leave behind. Sometimes the personal possessions ending up in uncaring hands causes the most hurt in those left behind.

Pollycat

Deals
have you spoken to your parents about your inheritance concerns?