when your parents get remarried ...

gratefulforhelp_2

thorsoak wrote: »

Sadly, my OH died recently and apart from the medals won by his father during WWII which have gone to No 1 grandson, I've inherited what he left (not a lot!) .

So sorry for your loss.

My children's ambition - that I go SKI-ing (spending kids inheritance!).

Quite right too.

Deals, it sadly sounds to me as if the children of the parents you are talking about think that they have certain rights and entitlements. This kind of thinking causes most of the problems in families - if you are in any sort of position to persuade them out of this way of thinking, you will save an awful lot of unhappiness, both now and in the future.

There are ways to allow the new spouse to stay in the house as long as they need it, but leave the majority of the proceeds to the kids.

However...really kids need to stay out of this.

margaretclare

Well, DH and I have children from earlier marriages but we also feel very very strongly that no one has a God-given right to any 'inheritance', that an inheritance only exists when someone has died, and that our money and assets are ours to do with as we choose while we're alive. That said, in our mirror wills we've bypassed the 'children' generation and have left everything to be split equally between 5 grandchildren, 3 of mine and 2 of his.

bellabrownn

Remarried of my parents is not my business with their tat...they can leave it all to the cats home for all I care. I would be little upset that my parents had croaked to be very interested...it is absolutely their decision what happens to their stuff and I would not be expect anything.......

jackieblack

Years ago, I had a friend whose mother passed away when she was a teenager and a few years later her father remarried. My friend and her siblings did not get along with their new stepmother but completely respected his decision to remarry and they wanted him to be happy.
A few years later her father died without leaving a will and everything passed to their stepmother.
What upset my friend and her siblings was not the loss of any inheritence of £ (their father was not a wealthy man, they hadn't anticipated any inheritance in that respect) but the personal things that had belonged to their mother and from their former family home that had little £ value, but huge emotional value to them.

Deals_2

i think everyone should benefit . it is a hard one really. i think if you leave kids out of inheritance then there will be nothing but fall outs etc later when you are gone...?

shellsuit wrote: »

'You' wouldn't sort anything out.

It's nothing to do with you.

It's their money and upto them what they do with it.


How are you talking here though, as the parent or as the child? Your posts are very confusing!

Deals_2

i thought what would make things fair. but i see also what others mean by money grabbing . maybe kids need to be taught not to be money grabbing from when they are younger...? i alwyas turn people down in business whenh tey are that way so will affect them in their life too. however i think a lot of it has got to do with upbringing. i also think if you go to a certain school etc and dont always have time around your child you can pick up bad attitudes?

SmlSave

I've dealt with probate matters where everyone got a fair share and they still argued and b'tched!

I don't think its right to tell anyone what they should do with their estate. Surely if you love your parents, no matter who they're with, you'll tell them you'd rather they enjoyed their money while they have it.

And why should it concern you? Have they just got remarried - are you planning to kill them shortly for their money? lol

Mojisola

It's true that no-one has an inheritance until someone dies. If people think it through and make wills then the survivors have to live with the decisions that the deceased made. What seems to cause most upset is when people - 70% of us in the UK - don't make wills. Personal possessions as well as money can then end up eventually with people who were not related, except through marriage, with the deceased.

If parents do remarry, I think they should consider their children and arrange their affairs in a way they feel just. It's easy to be objective about a theoretical situation but hard not to be very hurt emotionally when it happens. I know of someone whose father remarried and then died without a will so his new wife inherited everything. When she died, her children threw out everything belonging to him, including a grandfather's WW1 medals and letters, because they were just stuff that belonged to the man their mother had married and had no value for them.

sammyjammy

mrsspendalot wrote: »

I think we will do the same when we make wills, although we've never sat and discussed it.

Hubby has DD from marriage 1
I have 3 children from marriage 1
We are about to have a baby of our own also.

I wouldn't want my 3 existing children to not inherit anything from me in the event I died, and it passed to hubby, and then on his death it only went to his biological children (his DD and our baby).

Likewise, I dare say he will feel the same if he was to go first, leave it to me, and then it only went to my 4 biological children and left his DD out.

Only fair way in step-families is to equally split between all children I suppose, although it is rarely black and white. We will take advice from a solicitor when we come to make wills.

Trouble is its not that simple. This was the situation for my friends dad and his second wife. When he died she just wrote a new will which left all the money and house to her own children leaving the children of the Dad with nothing . It was all very sad for my friend, it wasn't aobut the monye but htat her das wishes had been ignored, they had been married for 20 odd years and my friend had been close to them and the wife's children. When the dad died they cut her off without a word.

thebillet

Whatever the reason for the OP's original question she raises a very important matter. I am a remarried parent and expect to have inheritance to pass on, I also have children and step children, all adults. I am finding it very difficult to decide exactly how matters should be resolved - I can't help thinking that I will end up guided not simply by blood but by the way in which the relationships, while I am living, have been conducted. Above all I want my wife to be fully looked after - she's the one that has had to put up with me! There was series about this recently which addressed a lot of complicated issues, that too reinforced the importance of getting a will written but I still haven't done it. My wife and I have talked about it so we have made a start but we won't get house points for doing a partial will - this serves as a reminder to me and her to get it done....soon.