when your parents get remarried ...

Deals_2

have been a bit angry in their reply. i was also maybe a bit vague as there are 3 situations in mind with slightly different scenarios. do you remember the name of the programme ? would be interesting to see. yes it is a hard one!

thebillet wrote: »

Whatever the reason for the OP's original question she raises a very important matter. I am a remarried parent and expect to have inheritance to pass on, I also have children and step children, all adults. I am finding it very difficult to decide exactly how matters should be resolved - I can't help thinking that I will end up guided not simply by blood but by the way in which the relationships, while I am living, have been conducted. Above all I want my wife to be fully looked after - she's the one that has had to put up with me! There was series about this recently which addressed a lot of complicated issues, that too reinforced the importance of getting a will written but I still haven't done it. My wife and I have talked about it so we have made a start but we won't get house points for doing a partial will - this serves as a reminder to me and her to get it done....soon.

Mojisola

It was a BBC series - "Can't Take It With You", presented by Gerry Robinson.

thebillet

The programme was called "Can't take it with you" (BBC), might be on iplayer but its a couple of months since it was aired, the presenter was Gerry Robinson. One of the key approaches he used was to involve those affected by inheritance to be part of the process, either by being consulted or being allowed to hear the rationale behind decisions made. He seemed to make an impact in a positive sense on all he helped. I am off to make a start..probably...soon..I think.

onlyroz

sammyjammy wrote: »

Trouble is its not that simple. This was the situation for my friends dad and his second wife. When he died she just wrote a new will which left all the money and house to her own children leaving the children of the Dad with nothing . It was all very sad for my friend, it wasn't aobut the monye but htat her das wishes had been ignored, they had been married for 20 odd years and my friend had been close to them and the wife's children. When the dad died they cut her off without a word.

If your friend's dad left everything to his wife then that is *his* decision to make. Therefore his "wishes" were not ignored - they were carried out to the letter of the law.

Mojisola

thebillet wrote: »

One of the key approaches he used was to involve those affected by inheritance to be part of the process, either by being consulted or being allowed to hear the rationale behind decisions made. He seemed to make an impact in a positive sense on all he helped.

It seemed to make it a lot easier for the families, having someone else there who could step back from all the emotions involved.

Deals_2

thanks in advance.

Mojisola wrote: »

It seemed to make it a lot easier for the families, having someone else there who could step back from all the emotions involved.

Mojisola

onlyroz wrote: »

If your friend's dad left everything to his wife then that is *his* decision to make. Therefore his "wishes" were not ignored - they were carried out to the letter of the law.

It's not usually that simple. It could well be that the father left everything to his wife because he believed that she would "do the right thing" by his children when she died. All too often, this doesn't happen.

onlyroz

Mojisola wrote: »

It's not usually that simple. It could well be that the father left everything to his wife because he believed that she would "do the right thing" by his children when she died. All too often, this doesn't happen.

It's still daddy's decision to make though, isn't it? Nothing to do with the offspring if daddy was careless...

Mojisola

onlyroz wrote: »

It's still daddy's decision to make though, isn't it? Nothing to do with the offspring if daddy was careless...

More a case of daddy trusting someone untrustworthy, rather than being careless.

The truth is that you have to sort out your will in a way that gives away your estate exactly how you want it done, without relying on someone else to act as you hope they will after you've gone.

With second spouses, it usually involves the use of a trust so that the spouse has the use of a house or interest from capital until their death, after which it is distributed according to the first will.

It's not nice having to suggest to people that their loved one might not behave as they expect after their death and may not respect their wishes but it happens too often not to take it into account.

Fang_3

You don't sort anything. They do. Or should.

My grandparents are the worst for this - they've put three of their six grandchildren (myself included) onto the house deeds so we effectively own a fifth of the house each until they die. But there's no other will. All of their other assets (god only knows what and where they are kept - there are lock boxes and safes hidden all over the place) will go to the surviving spouse and then to their children. They do have a list of precious possessions and who they should go to that includes my grandad's medals and some of my grandmother's artwork and jewellery.

My parents are worth a bloody fortune to me dead. Death in service and life insurance alone of both of them is nearly two million! Then there'd be the houses, business, assets and investments to sell, but crucially we all know who would get what and how. They've sat us all down and gone through their will and left us detailed instructions of what to do and where everything is. But that's because they have to. Their financial affairs are complicated and relatively vast - all the original documents are kept in a safety deposit box, but without all their notes and instructions none of us would know where to begin with sorting it all out. Especially if we'd just suddenly lost our parents.