From Council to private renting ....

Marisco

NikNox wrote: »

Is it possible (although I doubt it) that the Council would pay a deposit for her for private rental?

No chance!! Apart from the fact they don't do that, they see no reason (and neither do I TBH) why they need to move!!

NikNox

paddedjohn wrote: »

can she not try for an exchange, maybe someone in a council property is looking to downsize.

Not whilst she is still paying off arrears of rent from 2006 when she was caught for benefit fraud, as you cannot exchange if you still owe rent (or so I believe anyway). And, considering the area is notoriously bad, it's unlikely anyone would want to move there. But, yes, it would be her best option in the long run.

NikNox

Marisco wrote: »

No chance!! Apart from the fact they don't do that, they see no reason (and neither do I TBH) why they need to move!!

I didn't think so, but wondered all the same. It's just that those on benefits get so much nowadays, including grants to help with furnishings etc., when they move that it wouldn't have surprised me!

bestpud

ladymarmalade1970 wrote: »

Sorry but i think the OP is better than this child's mum! Drink and drugs aside - and that is bad enough, she isn't going to work for another 5 years, she dangles carrots in front of her child and her kids don't even have internet for schoolwork!!!! I think this is DISGUSTING.
I pay £8 per month for 5GB download on a dongle with 3. That would be more than enough for schoolwork and is less than a bottle of spirits. Those poor, poor children.
I hate the thought that my hard earned taxes are going to support selfish women like this one that isn't even grateful for the free house she has already!! And to think she has been on benefit for 15 years!!
Sorry to rant but it really gets my back up that she can treat kids like this and we pay her for the privilege!
I am so glad the the little girl has a supportive step mum and a room at her house :-(

The OP is a million times better than the mother but that wasn't the point I was making!

To the girl herself (forget what you or I think!), the OP is not better than her mum.

The best way, IMO, to help the girl is to keep a step back and let her work it out for herself. Rubbishing her mum could actually drive her away!

It's very sad, I get that, but she loves her mum and interfering in that relationship could backfire badly.

Who will that benefit? Nobody!

ladymarmalade1970

Completely see where you are coming from but IMO the OP hasn't come across as someone that would slate the mum to the little girl. As you have said, that wouldn't help anyone least of all the little girl.

bestpud

NikNox wrote: »

We have never, and would never rubbish mum to this little girl. She is all too aware of her mum's issues, and tries desperately to hide them and pretend they're not there. We are supportive and she has an open door to talk about anything she wishes to, no matter what it is. We had to sit her down just before Christmas and tell her her mother is an alcoholic because Social Services had been called by an anonymous person (about the alcoholism) and as my stepdaughter was with us for a period of time they wanted to interview her in our home. It was difficult, but was approached with huge sensitivity, and we assured her that neither SS or us wanted to remove her from her mother (her greatest fear as she feels responsible for her mum). After we had chatted to her she said she was grateful to us because we tell her the truth. We want to continue to do that as she needs to have faith in at least one of her parents. We think that as she approaches teenagehood, having a parent who is truthful with her and
doesn't let her down will be of utmost importance. So, it's not about shattering dreams, it's about giving her the correct information. She won't use it against her mum simply because she'd be too scared to, but she has the right to know the truth.

She seems a lovely girl and it sounds like you are skilled at dealing with the issues.

I wasn't sure how it would pan out if she felt you were rubbishing her mum but that's obviously not the case. I guess you agree with me that she needs you and her dad badly and it woukd be terrible if you inadvertantly drove her away.

Sorry if I offended you as that wasn't my intention at all, I just know how love can override terrible abuse.

NikNox

I see where Bestpud is coming from too, honestly. From very early on, since my stepdaughter was 3 and started showing difficulties from the effects of her having to grow up too quickly and care for her mum, we have sought advice from healthcare professionals, alcohol agencies etc., to try and do our absolute best for this child, and above all, the most important thing was never to denigrate or rubbish mum. She does love her mother, and we wholly respect and understand that, but she does need adults in her life who are truthful with her that one day she will need to turn to because she can trust them. We hope to be those adults, of course, but it could be any other adult that she has formed relationships with. Kids need confidante's, especially when their homelife is chaotic and not like other children's. Trust goes hand in hand with truth, and that's why we feel it's necessary to gently explain, without rubbishing mum (we're actually very good at not rubbishing mum), that moving to a lovely 3 bedroomed house by the summer is not going to happen. She needs the truth.

NikNox

Bestpud you haven't offended me at all, so please don't worry about it. You're on the outside looking into a very brief description of what's going on, in a thread that started as me asking for advice on how someone moves from social to private housing. We love this child dearly, and would never do anything to hurt her or, god forbid, drive her away.

bestpud

I realise this goes against the grain but would the mother let you or your OH in to do something with the kids bedroom?

Maybe try and partition it off or something?

Perhaps as a birthday present or something?

anguk

Maybe it's best if the girl's father has a word with her, or perhaps has a chat with his ex about raising the poor girl's hopes? If there have been problems with drugs & alcohol that have affected the child since she was 3 I'm surprised the father hasn't gone for custody himself especially when the girl was younger.