Advice with regards to mother moving in with us

Angela_D_3

catfish50 wrote: »

Not very funny. She might indeed have mental health issues. People don't normally fake heart attacks unless there's something seriously wrong. Getting slapped round the face and told to stop being so ridiculous is no solution. Somebody needs to try to get help for both of you. You are too close to the situation, and too angry, to probably be able to sort it out without help. What about your husband? Does he join in the chorus of anger and bitterness, or could he take a step back and see the bad effect on your own children that could result from the bitterness between their mother and their grandmother? Maybe your mother's GP could help to arrange family counselling sessions?

You see it all as her fault but it may be more complicated than that.

She's been in and out of counseling all her life, everything is down to her i'm afraid she was the only child of doting parents who suddenly packed her off to boarding school aged 16 because they'd had enough of her, she's never got over it.
I agree these days nobody would slap you around the face, they'd admit you to a physic ward but this was early 70's.
anyway enough of this drama that is our lives, i'm convinced we shouldn't live together, thanks for the reassurance.

pollypenny

She is trying to blackmail you emotionally! Do not let her move in; it's a recipe for disaster which could even cost you your marriage.

She's safe in sheltered accommodation. 70 is not old and it's time she grew up and got on with life, like the rest of us.

MrsTinks

I currently have my in-laws staying in my house and in a previous relationship my OH at the time and I lived with his parents (emotional crutch for them more than anything! They had already lost a son not long before...) and trust me when I say DO NOT DO IT!!!!
Even if your mum was your best friend having her live so close will put a strain on your relationship as mums just can't being "helpful" which eventually will be irritating, cause resentment and you will fall out with her and possibly the rest of your family...
I love my mum but I would never live with her unless it was a very temporary arrangement in an emergency! Then again my mum loves me enough not to ask too...

Oldernotwiser

carpedieme wrote: »

If you value your own family and husband PLEASE dont do it!!!!:eek:

Whilst I agree with your sentiment, isn't the OP's mother part of her family as well?

Mojisola

Oldernotwiser wrote: »

Whilst I agree with your sentiment, isn't the OP's mother part of her family as well?

She is - but her OH and children have greater priority. If bringing mother into the household is to the detriment of the rest of the family, it shouldn't be done.

Mojisola

Angela_D wrote: »

Attention seeking she's been at it for years, it's why my dad left her in 1974, she faked a heart attack, left me and my sister aged 3 and 1 in our terry towelling nappies all day in our playpen and lay on the floor pretending to be dead basically. Dad came home called an ambulance who basically slapped her around the face and told her to stop being so ridiculous. She's probably got mental health issues in all honesty.

Every six months or so she gathers us around to say goodbye, tell us what she thinks of us and who isn't getting left anything, it's quite funny really.

One more factor to add, as you have at least one sibling - what will happen when your mother dies if she has put her capital into your house? Will you have to sell up/take out a loan to give other family members their inheritance?

Newly_retired

Just discovered my DH offered to have his mother to live with us, a couple of years ago, without discussing it wiith me. Thankfully she refused- but if she hadn't one of us would be dead by now!
What does your OH think?
What about your children, your sister?
Glad to see everyone has convinced you by now not to do it.

Oldernotwiser

Mojisola wrote: »

She is - but her OH and children have greater priority. If bringing mother into the household is to the detriment of the rest of the family, it shouldn't be done.

I tend to agree but the earlier poster spoke of the OP's "own" family as if her mother wasn't part of it, which is something that always puzzles me.

Angela_D_3

Oldernotwiser wrote: »

I tend to agree but the earlier poster spoke of the OP's "own" family as if her mother wasn't part of it, which is something that always puzzles me.

I guess the point is you choose your husband, yes she is family but she's had every opportunity to forge her own, two husbands and 4 children later and only one of the children still in touch is pretty telling.
Anyway time to draw this to a close, thank you for the advice.

aloise

Sometimes older people can get an interest only mortgage. Would this be a possibility do you think? £80000 is a decent deposit to put down and it would only be like paying rent as she is doing now. You might have to go as guarantor.
But don't have her living with you. It will be a nightmare and as" only the good die young " you could have her till she is 110.