Advice with regards to mother moving in with us

chesky369

You haven't mentioned your husband or partner; unless you're very careful and/or he's a saint, I can see trouble ahead. He might just turn into your ex husband or partner, with all the additional strain on your marriage.

Mojisola

Angela_D wrote: »

She would ideally like to move in with us but I have some concerns, she's not an easy person to live with, doesn't really like children - we have 4, hates our three cats etc, so I've said ok providing she has a completely seperate annex which will cost at least £60k to build and she'll need the other £20k in savings to supplement her pension, holidays etc.

What concerns me is that she's 70 now, what if she needs to go into a home in the future can the council make a claim on my property?
We live hand to mouth after we've paid bills and school fees we could not pay for her care on top.

She could easily live for another 20 years - by which time it might just be her and you in the property! Why allow her to alienate your close family as well as everybody else she knows? And she will because she's not going to change just because she's moved in with you.

I'm very strong on family supporting each other but not at all costs and I think this idea will cost you dearly.

catfish50

Angela_D wrote: »

She probably plans to get rid of both lol

She currently lives in a city centre which is great during the day because it's opposite the GP's and dentists, where she passes most of her time but at night time the students !!!! up her windows and the bus stops right out side until 11pm.
I can totally see what's in it for her and I'd have her here as long as for all my teeth gritting i'm not going to get landed with a bill when the time comes.

Really sounds like the two of you don't like each other, whatever the causes. Her present place sounds terrible, but before committing to joint ownership when there's already so much friction between you, maybe it might be possible to find another rented place which would be nicer for her? Or shared-ownership? I'm also 70 and looking to get settled for the final years. In the course of researching my options I came across shared ownership for the elderly, which I am going to try for. See http://www.homesandcommunities.co.uk/shared-ownership-elderly

Savvy_Sue

McKneff wrote: »

You'll be making a rod for your own back OP, you will be miserable, your OH will be miserable eventually as well as the kids and the cats.
And they will all blame you......

You forgot, SHE will be miserable, and she will also blame you!

Angela_D wrote: »

She currently lives in a city centre which is great during the day because it's opposite the GP's and dentists, where she passes most of her time but at night time the students !!!! up her windows and the bus stops right out side until 11pm.

Are there no first floor flats she could move to? Flats not on the main road? Another complex where she would have different things to moan about?

Angela_D wrote: »

I can totally see what's in it for her and I'd have her here as long as for all my teeth gritting i'm not going to get landed with a bill when the time comes.

I'm with the 'don't do it' brigade.

I bet the extension will take all her savings, and more, so she'll moan about that, and she'll moan about the fact that she's enriched you at her expense, and she'll have completely unreasonable expectations.

Bennifred

:eek: Just don't!:eek:

Angela_D_3

You're right, as you can imagine 4 children are not much quieter than rowdy students and whilst I don't want them hollering and shouting, they are nice little singers and I can imagine that annoying her.
You are right about the bills and costs too, she automatically reaches for the john lewis catalogue whenever she needs something so her £20k will not last long especially if she perceives that she needs new furniture etc.
And she is selfish, to give an example she recently bought herself a bed, cost over £1,000 for a single bed and mattress and it's too high for her. So she stays at mine and I let her sleep in my little 6 year olds bed, she announces that my Laura Ashley ebay £170 bed is much better than hers so she'd like to swap, keeping her expensive mattress though,nevermind my 6 year old likes her bed.

Ms_Chocaholic

Can I just add .... I think you're stark raving bonkers if you allow her to live with you, she may be your mum but that does nto give her the right to make your whole family's lives miserable

Savvy_Sue

Just Say No!

Marsh_Samphire

Some people will find a reason to be miserable and unhappy with whatever situation they are in. Help her to find another rented place and after a few months she might find reasons to complain about it too, but at least she won't be making your life, your partner's life, your children's lives and your cat's lives a misery too.

As it happens, my 75 year old mother and I share a property and it works very well for us. Neither of us can afford to buy anything separately, or even rent separately. But my mother is incredibly easy going and we get on very well. I'm single and can have 2 dogs because she's at home most of the time. She walks them when I'm at work so it keeps her mobile too. We share all the bills and outgoings. One day we'll have to change the arrangement if she needs more care but we'll cross that bridge when we come to it. Your situation sounds like a disaster in the making! Don't do it!

alanq

What will happen if you want to move when the children have left home and you want a smaller place or work takes you elsewhere or whatever? Would mother be joint owner of the entire house or owner of the granny flat? If she doesn't want to move or you don't want her to come she could scupper your plans. I take it your discussions with the estate agents were regarding selling a house with a vacant granny flat. People are living to over 100 so you must plan for he being around for many years to come. I don't expect sheltered housing or a care home will suit her so you will be well and truly lumbered.

If absence make the heart grow fonder how bad is it going to become when she's present?

If she has been splashing money away and is so unhappy perhaps she could have spent more on rent instead and find a nicer place.

You will be giving yourself a lot of stress just to arrange this and a lot more to follow. Think of your own and your family's well-being. Don't do it!