Advice with regards to mother moving in with us

Angela_D_3

My mum has about £80k to her name which is not enough to buy even a small flat where she lives and she's fed up of renting.
She would ideally like to move in with us but I have some concerns, she's not an easy person to live with, doesn't really like children - we have 4, hates our three cats etc, so I've said ok providing she has a completely seperate annex which will cost at least £60k to build and she'll need the other £20k in savings to supplement her pension, holidays etc.
So the point i'm making is that we don't gain anything from this, estate agents have told us an annex makes no difference to property prices if anything it narrows your target audience when it comes to selling.

What concerns me is that she's 70 now, what if she needs to go into a home in the future can the council make a claim on my property ?
We live hand to mouth after we've paid bills and school fees we could not pay for her care on top.

sutters

Why not go and get some legal advice about the care home thing. I think if she spent all her money then the government would have to pay for her or maybe they would take her remaining money first and then pay but check it out.

The annex you are talking about would surely add value to your house as it is extra room? like an extension?

You don't seem very happy with her moving in anyway and she dosen't like your "set up" either. Is there any other family she can stay with?

Angela_D_3

No unfortunately she has ailenated pretty much everyone over the years.

Ms_Chocaholic

Is there any sheltered housing nearby that she could possibly apply for. Close to us there are bungalows and flats that are warden controlled; if she moved into one of these she would have her independence and you and your family would only see her when it was convenient rather than her living with you full time, albeit in an annexe.

McKneff

You'll be making a rod for your own back OP, you will be miserable, your OH will be miserable eventually as well as the kids and the cats.
And they will all blame you......

Its not your problem that she is fed up of renting, what's to be fed up of.

Nothing wrong with renting, I would personally run a mile if she is how you describe her.

Angela_D_3

Ms_Chocaholic wrote: »

Is there any sheltered housing nearby that she could possibly apply for. Close to us there are bungalows and flats that are warden controlled; if she moved into one of these she would have her independence and you and your family would only see her when it was convenient rather than her living with you full time, albeit in an annexe.

She's in one of those at the moment and hates it, this is the problem you see she's rather difficult to please at the best of times.

McKneff

whether she hates it or not, its not your problem to solve, help her to find something similar in another area.

tanith

I agree with the others, don't do it you'll all be miserable find her somewhere she does like... what makes her think she'll be happier living with you if she doesn't like your cats or your kids?

Angela_D_3

tanith wrote: »

I agree with the others, don't do it you'll all be miserable find her somewhere she does like... what makes her think she'll be happier living with you if she doesn't like your cats or your kids?

She probably plans to get rid of both lol

She currently lives in a city centre which is great during the day because it's opposite the GP's and dentists, where she passes most of her time but at night time the students !!!! up her windows and the bus stops right out side until 11pm.
I can totally see what's in it for her and I'd have her here as long as for all my teeth gritting i'm not going to get landed with a bill when the time comes.

LillythePink

If you live hand to mouth now, how will another person affect this?

Increased bills ie electric/water/gas etc - she will surely have to pay you for the use of these but will she?

I agree with the others, you should help her find somewhere else, but not attached to your property when, as you say she is difficult and doesn't like kids or cats, she will not merge in to your family life.

What sort of facilities are you going to be getting in the annex? Will it have it's own kitchen and bathroom?

Will you not feel guilty about her sitting all alone and eating alone therefore invite her in for tea etc? Therefore, your food costs will go up. Also, your petrol if she would like dropping off here and there etc etc etc

Having a parent close by is a huge decision to make - my parents are in a wing on our house, but they are self sufficient and it suits their needs as my dad retires next year and it's on one level (and is pretty large) so they are not stuffed into a couple of small rooms, my mum has health issues so being on one level is good for her, but we are not in each others pockets whatsoever - they take the view that we have our lives and they have theirs.....it was my OH's idea so they must be ok for him to offer that choice in the first place.

Be wary - it will all be down to you to control the atmosphere, keep the peace etc - can you handle the stress of both your mother and your family?

monkeyspanner

My first advice would be "don't do it". But here are some practical things to think about.

If your mum pays for the annex and lives in it then it cannot be counted as a gift of the capital to you unless she pays a commercial level of rent for the accommodation as well as the capital gift. Otherwise she will become a beneficial owner of part of your enlarged property and potentially the council could then count part of your house as your mothers assets when assessing if they will assist with care home fees at some time in the future. They might ignore the value as it would be impossible to sell that part of the house unless it was a separate unit. Having a separate unit raises other issues such as council tax.

Is she fed up with renting or the place she is currently renting? She must realise this idea will not work does she enjoy conflict?