Advice with regards to mother moving in with us

margaretclare

Angela_D wrote: »

No unfortunately she has alienated pretty much everyone over the years.

In that case, my only advice would be: DON'T.

Newly_retired

Someone I know built an annexe for his mother, self contained but attached to his large family house. Whilst it worked out well for them, since she died, he has been unable to sell the house. It's been on the market for nearly 3 years now.

margaretclare

Newly_retired wrote: »

Someone I know built an annexe for his mother, self contained but attached to his large family house. Whilst it worked out well for them, since she died, he has been unable to sell the house. It's been on the market for nearly 3 years now.

That's sad, because IMHO the only way a multi-generation household works is if both are self-contained. That means, the older person has own front door, own bathroom and kitchen and living area. Close enough in case help is needed or you want a baby-sitter on hand, but separate enough to avoid each generation annoying the other.

Your Mum is a spring chicken, younger than me!! But on the other hand she seems to be pretty well set in her ways, unable to adapt, and has some traits and habits which you dislike, and she's not even living with you yet! You said your Mum 'spends most of her time at the GP and the dentist'. Why?

Me, I wouldn't choose to live in a town centre because basically I'm a country girl at heart and can't live anywhere I can't look out of the window and see the spring blossoms, the goldfinches on the hanging feeders, the flowers and leaves. But there are people who like living in town centres because everything is there at close hand - the pubs, the shops, the post office, the GP's surgery etc.

Your Mum is being very selfish about this bed. Tell her to go to Dreams, which is where we got our king size bed a few years ago. They let you lie on the beds to test whether they're the right height, too hard/too soft etc. I wouldn't dream of buying a bed from a John Lewis catalogue, or anyone else's catalogue!

Angela_D_3

margaretclare wrote: »

That's sad, because IMHO the only way a multi-generation household works is if both are self-contained. That means, the older person has own front door, own bathroom and kitchen and living area. Close enough in case help is needed or you want a baby-sitter on hand, but separate enough to avoid each generation annoying the other.

Your Mum is a spring chicken, younger than me!! But on the other hand she seems to be pretty well set in her ways, unable to adapt, and has some traits and habits which you dislike, and she's not even living with you yet! You said your Mum 'spends most of her time at the GP and the dentist'. Why?

Me, I wouldn't choose to live in a town centre because basically I'm a country girl at heart and can't live anywhere I can't look out of the window and see the spring blossoms, the goldfinches on the hanging feeders, the flowers and leaves. But there are people who like living in town centres because everything is there at close hand - the pubs, the shops, the post office, the GP's surgery etc.

Your Mum is being very selfish about this bed. Tell her to go to Dreams, which is where we got our king size bed a few years ago.

Attention seeking she's been at it for years, it's why my dad left her in 1974, she faked a heart attack, left me and my sister aged 3 and 1 in our terry towelling nappies all day in our playpen and lay on the floor pretending to be dead basically. Dad came home called an ambulance who basically slapped her around the face and told her to stop being so ridiculous. She's probably got mental health issues in all honesty.

Every six months or so she gathers us around to say goodbye, tell us what she thinks of us and who isn't getting left anything, it's quite funny really.

margaretclare

Angela_D wrote: »

Attention seeking she's been at it for years, it's why my dad left her in 1974, she faked a heart attack, left me and my sister aged 3 and 1 in our terry towelling nappies all day in our playpen and lay on the floor pretending to be dead basically. Dad came home called an ambulance who basically slapped her around the face and told her to stop being so ridiculous. She's probably got mental health issues in all honesty.

Every six months or so she gathers us around to say goodbye, tell us what she thinks of us and who isn't getting left anything, it's quite funny really.

Oh-oh. Worse and worse. Really, really, do not do this! I implore you!

chesky369

Angela - please stop giving more and more examples of your mother's bad behaviour. Nobody else here needs to be convinced it's all a very bad idea - only you.

Mojisola

Angela_D wrote: »

Every six months or so she gathers us around to say goodbye, tell us what she thinks of us and who isn't getting left anything, it's quite funny really.

It won't be funny when she's literally "on your doorstep" 24 hours a day and getting up to these antics!

Oldernotwiser

Would £80,000 buy a park home in your area? What about a shared ownership flat?

catfish50

Angela_D wrote: »

Attention seeking she's been at it for years, it's why my dad left her in 1974, she faked a heart attack, left me and my sister aged 3 and 1 in our terry towelling nappies all day in our playpen and lay on the floor pretending to be dead basically. Dad came home called an ambulance who basically slapped her around the face and told her to stop being so ridiculous. She's probably got mental health issues in all honesty.

Every six months or so she gathers us around to say goodbye, tell us what she thinks of us and who isn't getting left anything, it's quite funny really.

Not very funny. She might indeed have mental health issues. People don't normally fake heart attacks unless there's something seriously wrong. Getting slapped round the face and told to stop being so ridiculous is no solution. Somebody needs to try to get help for both of you. You are too close to the situation, and too angry, to probably be able to sort it out without help. What about your husband? Does he join in the chorus of anger and bitterness, or could he take a step back and see the bad effect on your own children that could result from the bitterness between their mother and their grandmother? Maybe your mother's GP could help to arrange family counselling sessions?

You see it all as her fault but it may be more complicated than that.

carpedieme

If you value your own family and husband PLEASE dont do it!!!!:eek: