Why do I let him do this to me :(

Bennifred

Errata wrote: »

Lots of suggestions Here's another one.
As it's a wise man, or in this case woman, that knows its own father - ask the putative grandad to take a DNA test. I'm sure he wouldn't want another mans grandchild to take up his time :rotfl:

:rotfl::rotfl:But that would surely offend the OP's mother, and it's not her she has a problem with!

squirrelchops

I don't have children and didn't want children and can completely understand why some people don't want children. However when I met my OH aged 30, I have slowly come round to the idea. I want us to be a family but if I were still single there is no way I would be contemplating having children. I have also told OH that right now I only want the 1, he would like more but I said I need to see how I feel after 1. Luckily we don't get any pressure from his family as his brother can't have children.

belfastgirl23

As someone who has never wanted kids, I think the worst and most selfish thing someone can do is deliberately bring a child into the world if they aren't certain that they want it. Parenting is very hard anyway and takes 100% commitment. If you aren't sure that you can manage this, then going ahead and deliberately getting pregnant is a terrible, terrible idea. At the end of the day you have to think about the child him or her self. I think that's what you're doing but your dad is only thinking about himself. I think you probably really need to put your foot down and tell him that having a child is about more than sorting childcare. And that if he and your mum want to do the looking after children thing there are a lot of kids out there desperate for foster care.

sjc3

delain wrote: »

If your Dad likes children that much could he not volunteer in a school? Primary (especially infant) schools are crying out for male volunteers etc because according to a teacher here men tend to be afraid of being branded a perv so train for secondary.

This is very true. Male role models would be a huge benefit to little kids. Its such a rewarding thing to do. I go in and help out at my daughters school.

margaretclare

Mrs_Arcanum wrote: »

The fact he is virtually ordering your mum to leave work so she can be around for "potential" childcare is a good indication of the bullying he seems to favour.

Stick by your guns and be assured you are not anything other than normal in not wanting children.

Oh yes. I wouldn't go along with this, not at all!!

My first husband and I had 2 daughters, with a miscarriage in between. We decided the 2 was enough. For several years I got it from MIL 'when was I going to have a little boy, the family name would die out...' etc etc.

Eventually husband had some surgery in that area which was virtually the same as a vasectomy. No more kids!!

Fast forward a few years, my younger daughter got married in 1993. She made it clear from the outset that (a) she was keeping her own surname and (b) neither of them wanted kids. You wouldn't believe the number of people who bent my ear about 'you must be looking forward to her giving you grandchildren'! No, not the case at all.

My only regret is, possibly if she had got pregnant the heart condition that killed her in 2002 might have come to light. When she went for a cervical smear it was discovered that her blood-pressure was frighteningly high but the reason was only discovered at post-mortem - coarctation of the aorta. I should have done more....

gratefulforhelp_2

God Bless margaretclare and so sorry for your loss.

meritaten

margaretclare wrote: »

Oh yes. I wouldn't go along with this, not at all!!

My first husband and I had 2 daughters, with a miscarriage in between. We decided the 2 was enough. For several years I got it from MIL 'when was I going to have a little boy, the family name would die out...' etc etc.

Eventually husband had some surgery in that area which was virtually the same as a vasectomy. No more kids!!

Fast forward a few years, my younger daughter got married in 1993. She made it clear from the outset that (a) she was keeping her own surname and (b) neither of them wanted kids. You wouldn't believe the number of people who bent my ear about 'you must be looking forward to her giving you grandchildren'! No, not the case at all.

My only regret is, possibly if she had got pregnant the heart condition that killed her in 2002 might have come to light. When she went for a cervical smear it was discovered that her blood-pressure was frighteningly high but the reason was only discovered at post-mortem - coarctation of the aorta. I should have done more....

done more what??????? I totally fail to see what YOU could have done? taken a medical degree? surely she had seen a GP or even been seen in hospital? if her doctors couldnt diagnose this while she was alive - why would you? You did your job as her MOTHER! you loved her and supported her, and raised her the best you could. Its all any of us can do!