Why do I let him do this to me :(

celyn90 · 12 March 2011 at 4:50PM

pinkmoo wrote: »

Celyn....

Hit the nail on the head!!
I also get it from OH's mum, his sis wont have kids, his brother has 3 boys and wont have anymore so apparently it's up to me have a little girl... and call her Britney!!:eek:

You're right that I need to be more forceful with my dad, i've just kind of ignored and said that he can class my cat as a grandkid!!! But I think I will have to say something serious because it's really annoying me and my OH too.

Pink

Oh, I feel your pain

I shocked them by keeping my maiden name as well. I am gearing up for full on biological warfare now we are married. :rotfl::rotfl:

I've never had the urge to have kids, if I wanted to start a family I would be far more inclined to adopt or foster older youngsters or teens than reproduce myself.

On the subject of gender selection - my mum didn't get on with my Dad's mum; who told her she was not a real woman for producing a first born daughter rather than a son and heir.

My mum's response: "Well it wasn't my <edited for politeness> chromosome"

They never did get on :rotfl::rotfl: (and I am certainly my mother's daughter!)

I think you just need to have a frank chat with him and tell him how you feel. He might be quite taken aback at how much it is affecting you as you've been forgiving with him - but if you don't tell him, he won't know. best of luck

cel x

Mags_cat · 12 March 2011 at 4:51PM

I'm about to hit the big 4-0 but I've known since I was a young teenager that I didn't want children. I'm also an only child, and my mum has always been desperate to be a grannie.

It's not been easy - to be honest, there are times when I've briefly considered telling her and all the other relatives that I *didn't like men*....but that's not true:rotfl:

She has slowly come round to the idea now - when I was younger I was constantly bombarded with "Oh, you'll change your mind when you're older!" Nu-uh...I knew I wouldn't, but no-one would accept that. I know for a fact she scared off several new boyfriends by talking about children the first time she met them :eek:

It's your life, you simply cannot have children *on behalf of* someone else. Stick to your guns, and know that you're not a freak, you're just someone who has thought about what she wants and decided not to increase the population any further

Bennifred · 12 March 2011 at 5:07PM

shelley_crow wrote: »

i have two kids and love them more than anything but i can really understand how it's not for everyone.

tell your dad that if he doesn't lay off, you won't be seeing him anymore. direct is always better with people like this. alternatively, start hounding him for a sibling, lol xx

Haha! That was my first thought too! If he is so keen to have a baby around, tell him to have his own!

I'm amazed how many people seem to think it's OK to expect/demand grandchildren.

Pixiechic · 12 March 2011 at 5:56PM

Your'e not a freak or weird. You have made a decision which you might stick to or change your mind in the future. Ultimately, it's your decision and quite frankly, none of your Dad's damn business. I would be furious if my Father thought he had any right to speak to me that way. Thankfully my Father knows better than that

.

I am 28 and I haven't ruled children out entirely, I have never been pregnant and have always been on the pill. The idea of childbirth scares the hell out of me :eek:. I like my life, time, money, freedom. I don't feel that I want children enough to warrant having them, yet. I don't think that that makes me weird or a freak. Don't worry, it's your life and your choice.

gratefulforhelp_2 · 12 March 2011 at 7:09PM

pupsicola wrote: »

I was pressured all the time by my ex mil to have children. She rang up once and suggested to my then husband that she didn't believe we were choosing not to have kids. She was sure there was a fertility problem. The last straw came when she said I was to fall pregnant to prove to the family I could and if I still didn't want the baby then abort it. !!!!!! the woman was and is a headcase, what an absurd thing to suggest.

:mad::mad::mad::mad::mad::mad::mad::mad::mad::mad: on your behalf.

pinkmoo you.are.not.a.brood.mare.

Things may change, but maybe you should point out to your Dad that you are more than your reproductive capability, and that if he wants to continue to enjoy a relationship with you, then perhaps he should credit you for all your other good qualities?

Alternatively, and this is in very poor taste...you could burst into floods of tears next time he mention it and ask him if he knows how much IVF costs?

Luckyred · 12 March 2011 at 7:11PM

Its perfectly natural to want grandchildren. I love mine to bits and feel blessed to have them. I am fortunate indeed but I never felt that I had a "right" to have grandchildren. I would never have pressured my children if they had decided not to have any. No one has the right to pressure their children in this way. If anyone wants grandchildren and doesn't get any..... its tough and I can understand their disappointment but there is nothing they can do about. Its not their decision and they have to accept it. To repeat what has already been said a number of times in this thread........ its none of their business!

Tish_P · 12 March 2011 at 7:19PM

Tell him to shut the f up about this before you cut off contact with him altogether. Leave the house the very next time he brings it up. Repeat as necessary. It's just not acceptable behaviour.

No, you're not a freak - lots of people know kids aren't for them. (And those who do change their minds certainly don't do so in response to rude, intrusive nagging.)

meritaten · 12 March 2011 at 8:49PM

Pinkmoo - I have three children and six grandchildren and I wouldnt be without any of them...BUT, I CHOSE to have children and if THEY had chosen NOT to have children then I certainly wouldnt be pressuring them to have kids just to give ME grandchildren! how selfish is that??? If you really dont want children then you stick to your guns! Its YOUR life and really none of other peoples business - for gods sake! Tell your dad if he is so determined to have grandchildren then he should have adopted some siblings for you - after all you were deprived of them! might shut him up for a bit!

Savvy_Sue · 12 March 2011 at 9:01PM

I really wouldn't pretend to be trying, or ask if he knows the cost of IVF. Next thing you know he'll be offering to pay for it ...

Turtle · 12 March 2011 at 10:08PM

Agree, no need to make things up. My OH and I have decided not to have kids. Although my mum is desperate to be a granny she's now accepted that she won't be getting any from me. Every now and again she brings it up, but I just repeat again that neither of us wants them. I always assumed when I was younger that one day I would change my mind, but that's never happened and I'm quite happy with that. To be honest, we have just as many friends without kids as with them, and no one has ever made me think it's weird not to want them. I see nothing unusual in it at all.