Why do I let him do this to me :(

delain

If your Dad likes children that much could he not volunteer in a school? Primary (especially infant) schools are crying out for male volunteers etc because according to a teacher here men tend to be afraid of being branded a perv so train for secondary.

Fitzio

You really need to be strong and put your dad in his place and tell him in no uncertain terms that it’s your decision and no-one elses. He might not have a grandchild, but he has 1 daughter, and if he isn’t careful, he could end up driving you away.

Lots of people don’t want children and there is nothing strange about that. Everyone makes different choices in life. At your age, I wouldn’t say “never” though as things can change and your feelings may change when you get older. I never felt that I didn’t want children, but I never really felt ready for them either. You have plenty of time, so just stop his comments, pay off your debts, and enjoy your life in whatever way you decide.

too_much_debt

Have you asked your dad why it is so important for him to have a grandchild?

You are only 26 and might change your mind in the next few years but if you don't then it's your decision. I was 34 when I had my first child, 35 when I had my second and 39 when I had my third so you have plenty of time. Tell your dad to chill out a bit.

My mum used to get hassle from her aunt when she was younger as she was always saying 'not got a boyfriend yet, when you going to get a boyfriend', then when she met my dad it was 'when you going to get married, you not getting married yet?', then when they got married she started asking when they were going to have kids, my mum couldn't win and she hated seeing her aunt because of the hassle.

Tell your dad that the more he hassles you about it the more you are inclined not to have any at all.

thorsoak

Put it back on your father - say if it is so important to him to have grandchildren, why did he not have more children? Maybe his wife (your mother) did not feel that he was a good enough father ..maybe she did not feel confident enough in their marriage to have further children ...maybe that's why you have decided not to have children.

For heaven's sake - you are a grown woman - you are able to stop him bullying you now. If necessary - ignore him!

Emuchops

Hello-Im 43 and have NEVER wanted children. Workmates have actually called me a "freak" to my face and told me im "selfish"---? The older I get the happier I am that I stuck to my guns. Any man Ive had a serious relationship with has been told that its not going to happen.

I only work pt(as does oh-not married-never wanted that either), we have almost paid off mortgage and when we have finished work, we can do as we please. Children seem really hard work these days too-whenever I see them in supermarkets etc, they seem to always want something, or appear to be driving their parents to distraction by misbehaving, looking at teenagers, it doesnt seem to get much better...

I cannot understand why people want children, but then I tell myself that their urge to have them must be as strong as my urge not to-then I understand. Im sure they have their benefits for those that are cut out for parenthood, but the universally accepted rule that everyone is cut out for it is simply not correct. Men dont seem to get "picked on" as much about it as women (usually by other women in my experience)-i suppose everyone thinks that women are predestined for that role.

Your father obviously has some real issues. I think you need to be very blunt with him and tell him its not going to happen and that he either deals with it and accepts you for what you are, or he will lose his only child.

Kate78

Sorry but your dad is being an idiot over this. If every visit results in this kind of emotional abuse, then I'd be inclined to reduce the number of visits and if asked why then say it straight. You're sick of the aggravation, and if it doesn't stop then your visits will!

blue_monkey_2

Savvy_Sue wrote: »

I really wouldn't pretend to be trying, or ask if he knows the cost of IVF. Next thing you know he'll be offering to pay for it ...

She could tell him it costs about 5K and then, when he has given the money, disappear for a few days for 'treatment' in a clinic a good few miles away. A few weeks later she can tell him it has not been successful. Read up on how IVF works and just get the right amount of time off and away from the family and feign things at the right time.

Meanwhile that 5k gets you and hubby a nice holiday somewhere hot to get over the 'disappointment'..... :rotfl:

And repeat again the 6 months later. And 6 months after that. :rotfl: I'd think that he'd not bother anymore after 18 months.

happy35

having children or not having children is the choice of you and your partner and your dad should respect that.

I have a DS, I had him young and found it really hard work mentally and physically and love him to bits but know that I could never cope with another child although OH would have liked more.

You may change your mind in the future you may not but there is nothing wrong with not wanting children, some of my friends dont want children some because they dont want to sacrifice their careers and lifestyle and another one because her and OH are really happy with each others company and dont want to spoil this.

Dont think there is any easy solution to your problem other than to be honest and tell your dad that you dont want any children at the moment and dont know how you will feel in the future, but that you are happy with your life the way it is at the moment

Good luck

Errata

Lots of suggestions Here's another one.
As it's a wise man, or in this case woman, that knows its own father - ask the putative grandad to take a DNA test. I'm sure he wouldn't want another mans grandchild to take up his time :rotfl:

Mrs_Arcanum

The fact he is virtually ordering your mum to leave work so she can be around for "potential" childcare is a good indication of the bullying he seems to favour.

Stick by your guns and be assured you are not anything other than normal in not wanting children.