Inherited some money - what to do with it

DVardysShadow

Asianchick wrote: »

My husband was earnings loads of money. Prior to this I was carrying him. Borrowed money to pay of debts he accrued before we married. Paid for everything so he could throw his money to his debt.

He started earning good money and instead of saving it or trying to help me out with the debt I took on to help him, the money was squandered. He didnt believe in saving so literally spent everything that he earned.

It came to a head last year when he wasnt working for 8 months. Refused to look fo a job that wasnt I.T related and I struggled to make ends meet. It got a job but still refused to save until he lost the job and we were back to square one.

So excuse me if I am being extremely cautious of him squandering my inheritance.

I genuinely want a future with him but my patience and generousity have worn thin.

I will put some of the money towards a deposit but will keep some of it for myself.

To me, that's more than is deserved.

He refused to save for a deposit and saddled me with debt and I need to now see that he has changed.

I want to see that he is able/willing to save for something that he wants and not just take money from his mum/dad/nan or my deceased parent.

I think you are making a wonderful wife for someone. Someone who does not really appreciate your values and your capabilities. And you are still minded to work at it and see him come good. I think you are dead right to hang on to the money and to expect your husband to join with you in saving.

Don't drop your standards and I am hoping he will come around and appreciate what you are doing.

mountainofdebt

Asianchick wrote: »

I genuinely want a future with him but my patience and generousity have worn thin.

He refused to save for a deposit and saddled me with debt and I need to now see that he has changed.

I want to see that he is able/willing to save for something that he wants and not just take money from his mum/dad/nan or my deceased parent.

Can I suggest that you actually tell him this?

For someone who was used to earning loads and not saving to someone who probably isn't earning as much as he used to and is now saving it sounds as if he's changed his mindset completely.

However for me, a marriage isn't a case of him and me - its a case of us. Having debt - whoever creates it - is a joint issue and it does the relationship no favours if one partner continually brings it up if you are both working to solve the situation, regardless of who caused it.

I would go as far as to say you probably would benefit from some realtionship counselling (even if you went on your own) - and I would say do this before you even start looking at houses.

Oldernotwiser

Asianchick wrote: »

We are both in secure jobs but with this economy, who knows the future.

No kids for me for a while. lol

The reason that I asked is that, if you have substantial savings and either of you lost their job, you wouldn't be able to claim any means tested benefits.

Kimberley82

This was me a few years back, but it was 'our' money, it never crossed my mind not to share it 100% with him, or dictate how it was spent

Mojisola

As you are married, I think you need to take legal advice on this. I think that he would be entitled to a share of the inheritance if you were to divorce.

Oldernotwiser

Mojisola wrote: »

As you are married, I think you need to take legal advice on this. I think that he would be entitled to a share of the inheritance if you were to divorce.

I agree - I don't just think that this is the case with the matrimonial home.

Mojisola

Oldernotwiser wrote: »

I agree - I don't just think that this is the case with the matrimonial home.

If there aren't any children to be taken care off, wouldn't everything just be split 50/50 - savings, possessions, house?

Plans_all_plans

I can understand why you feel like you do, but at the same time I cannot even begin contemplate the way your relationship is at the moment. To me, it's not how I see a marriage. I don't think people can change really, if he's been like this for 6/7 years then I don't hold out much hope personally.

I can honestly say that if my husband came into money and we didn't JOINTLY decide what to do with it, then I would be furious. And I'd expect him to be furious with me if the shoe was on the other foot. I don't believe in "my" money and "his" money: it's "our" money.

However, I can understand your frustrations if you feel he's unable/unwilling to support you financially if necessary. I suppose I am old fashioned, but I'd find it very unattractive if I'd had to 'carry' my husband.

Best of luck.

Sylvia1982

Sorry if this comes across really negative, its just that you sound so much like my mother over a decade ago, putting up with the old man for an easier life.
Only advise i wish to give you is, if you can't see this marriage lasting long please, please, please make sure that all monies have no paper trail i.e bank account as when my mum divorced my dad) before submitting divorce papers. Guess who got half of her savings and house (even though she paid the mortgage)...:mad: