Inherited some money - what to do with it

Fizzpop

Asianchick wrote: »

You're absolutely right. As bad as that sounds.

My mum suffered at the hands of my dad and I promised that I would never be like that.

I would in your shoes now seriously consider putting it all into savings until you either feel more secure in your relationship or you have left and started a new life you will then have a full deposit and maybe extra that you would be able to manage on your own.

I also respect your choice not to have children yet as you feel the way you do and if there is even the smallest seed of doubt there then until things change stick to your guns.

I dont know if it was luck or fate with my oh as he seems similar in ways to your oh he wasn't too good with money and didn't see the point in saving, but i fell pregnant on the pill and once over the shock he changed overnight, started sitting down and working out where his money was going etc he still has his moments of frivolousness but not to the extent it was before children (we have 3 and no 4 due soon)

ceridwen

I must admit to being totally/thoroughly puzzled by your query as to whether you are being "selfish"......

I guess its down to cultural context (looking at your name)......

To me - and I guess the vast majority of British people - the answer is totally "obvious" as to what to do with inherited money...

That is - make sure you have a house/better house and its as clear as possible of mortgage. Then make sure you have spent any money you intend to on getting the house sorted to your personal requirements. Then up the savings from "dead emergency" level to "reasonable level".

My own personal definition of "dead emergency level" savings is £4,000 (ie £3,000 savings and £1,000 cashflow money in the bank account). My own personal definition of "manageable level" savings is £20,000. This is by the standards of someone who has no debt or mortgage/doesnt run a car (by choice)/has private health insurance/has no children. I would up my levels of money required as savings if I were in a different position financially accordingly.

Thats my thoughts - for what they are worth.

I tend to think that we all have our own definitions of "what money is for". My own personal definition is "Its for security - and freedom". Anything spare once those needs have been dealt with is "for helping the community".

People will vary in what they think money "is for".

What do YOU think money is for?

ceridwen

thorsoak wrote: »

If you were to use the whole of your inheritance as a deposit for a house - would YOU be able to make the mortgage repayments?

If so, and bearing in mind what you say about having had to "bail your husband out" from time to time, if I were in your position, I would think seriously about purchasing a property IN MY OWN NAME ONLY, and at the same time, save the same amount (when it's available!) from your OH in anticipation of a family.

But there again, I'm from a completely different generation, and I would automatically have used it as a deposit for "our house" and would have just kept a small proportion of the inheritance as my "mad money"!

Very good points here:T

I simply would NOT "bail ANYONE out" more than the once (at most twice) that could be put down to "one of those things". Anyone who persisted in needing "bailing out" would be told to "Shape up or ship out" in no uncertain terms - and that would include husbands. One HELPS people who have one or two financial misfortunes due to no choice/fault of their own. After that - if they come up with a third "financial misfortune" - they get told "You made your bed - you lie on it - I'm not providing your income for you any longer. Self-responsibility rules okay - and you will now take this on board"..

So - where does your husband feature in this scenario? Are you helping him or carrying him?

Asianchick

ceridwen wrote: »

I must admit to being totally/thoroughly puzzled by your query as to whether you are being "selfish"......

I guess its down to cultural context (looking at your name)......

To me - and I guess the vast majority of British people - the answer is totally "obvious" as to what to do with inherited money...

That is - make sure you have a house/better house and its as clear as possible of mortgage. Then make sure you have spent any money you intend to on getting the house sorted to your personal requirements. Then up the savings from "dead emergency" level to "reasonable level".

My own personal definition of "dead emergency level" savings is £4,000 (ie £3,000 savings and £1,000 cashflow money in the bank account). My own personal definition of "manageable level" savings is £20,000. This is by the standards of someone who has no debt or mortgage/doesnt run a car (by choice)/has private health insurance/has no children. I would up my levels of money required as savings if I were in a different position financially accordingly.

Thats my thoughts - for what they are worth.

I tend to think that we all have our own definitions of "what money is for". My own personal definition is "Its for security - and freedom". Anything spare once those needs have been dealt with is "for helping the community".

People will vary in what they think money "is for".

What do YOU think money is for?

I meant if I was being selfish by not putting all of the money towards our home or even sharing it with him 50/50.

ceridwen

thorsoak wrote: »

It sounds as if you might be thinking that your inheritance could also be your escape route!

...and it may have been left to you by your relative SPECIALLY in order for you to use it as an "escape route"....

YOur relative may have thought that you were "carrying" your husband - and wanted to provide you with a way to escape him relying on you to do "his share" as well as "your share".

Had you thought of that possibility?

ceridwen

Asianchick wrote: »

I meant if I was being selfish by not putting all of the money towards our home or even sharing it with him 50/50.

I just have this nagging feeling that he is trying to find excuses to get access to/ownership of "your" money.

this would not sit easy with me - if you were the man and he was the woman. It is sitting very uneasily with me because HE is the man in this situation - and no I do NOT think you are old-fashioned in your attitude at all.

I am worried - on your behalf - that he is trying to make excuses to get his hands on "your" money.

Asianchick

ceridwen wrote: »

Very good points here:T

I simply would NOT "bail ANYONE out" more than the once (at most twice) that could be put down to "one of those things". Anyone who persisted in needing "bailing out" would be told to "Shape up or ship out" in no uncertain terms - and that would include husbands. One HELPS people who have one or two financial misfortunes due to no choice/fault of their own. After that - if they come up with a third "financial misfortune" - they get told "You made your bed - you lie on it - I'm not providing your income for you any longer. Self-responsibility rules okay - and you will now take this on board"..

So - where does your husband feature in this scenario? Are you helping him or carrying him?

I would love to not bail him out but it's not that easy.

We jointly rent this propertyand if he can't pay his share of the rent/bills, they'll just come after me.

I have to have excellent credit because of my profession and can't let his credit go to pot.

Whatever affects him financially also affects me as we have joint responsibilities.

Right now, I'm helping him. For the first 6/7 years of marriage, I was carrying him and I have told him that I will not carry him anymore.

We'll just have to see how it goes.

Until then, I will keep my inheritance in my bank account and continue taking my contraceptive pills with vigour. lol

The last thing I need right now is a child coming into all this.

Asianchick

ceridwen wrote: »

...and it may have been left to you by your relative SPECIALLY in order for you to use it as an "escape route"....

YOur relative may have thought that you were "carrying" your husband - and wanted to provide you with a way to escape him relying on you to do "his share" as well as "your share".

Had you thought of that possibility?

I have and I dont think I need to escape just yet but the money will be there if I need to.

Oldernotwiser

ceridwen wrote: »

I just have this nagging feeling that he is trying to find excuses to get access to/ownership of "your" money.

this would not sit easy with me - if you were the man and he was the woman. It is sitting very uneasily with me because HE is the man in this situation - and no I do NOT think you are old-fashioned in your attitude at all.

I am worried - on your behalf - that he is trying to make excuses to get his hands on "your" money.

I can understand why you've never married!

Asianchick

Oldernotwiser wrote: »

Are you both in secure jobs or is there any risk that either of you might need to claim means tested benefits at some point?

Personally, I wouldn't even contemplate having children with someone if I thought about them the way you talk about your husband, but maybe that's just me.

We are both in secure jobs but with this economy, who knows the future.

No kids for me for a while. lol