Inherited some money - what to do with it

gingin_2

Fizzpop wrote: »

I dont understand why it would cause trouble???

When i chose to put my inheritance in a savings account my oh didn't question my actions he did raise his eyebrows but he didn't question me

I must have a totally different outlook because OH and I have both received an inheritance in the last few years and never have we deemed it our own, despite it being bequeathed to us as individuals. It was just put into the shared pot, discussed together and spent where appropriate. I've never once considered it "my" money.

ceridwen

Sambucus_Nigra wrote: »

Is your money more important than your future?

You are happy to share that with him, just not your money.

I dont think that is a fair summation of the position actually.

People DO sometimes look at things differently if they have come from a different cultural viewpoint - and who is to say which is correct out of the different viewpoints in that respect actually?

I am British and therefore do look at things usually from a typical British viewpoint - BUT I honestly do get shocked at how impractical/idealistic the typical attitude IS between couples here as regards money and just how easy it is for a spendthrift "other half" to waltz off with a large amount of money from a "careful/thrifty" other half and it does worry me with the way many British people do seem to "put blinkers on" as regards finances involving their "other half". Somewhere is a happy medium - and I think personally that it is just as well to pragmatically sit down and work out what the "other half's" attitude to money is and protect oneself if the conclusion is that the "other half" is a spendthrift.

There are LOADS of people who seem to have a spendthrift "other half" - and its shocking to see them brought down too by some !!!!less spending by someone else just because they are married to them....:eek:

As I said before - there is "helping someone" and there is "carrying them" and it really is a good idea to work out which is the scenario concerned in each relationship. Helping someone is fine and admirable - but carrying someone can be a totally different "kettle of fish".

Fizzpop

gingin wrote: »

I must have a totally different outlook because OH and I have both received an inheritance in the last few years and never have we deemed it our own, despite it being bequeathed to us as individuals. It was just put into the shared pot, discussed together and spent where appropriate. I've never once considered it "my" money.

Me and my oh did discuss what to do with my inheritance and i use the word my loosely as it was given to me, if anything had of happened to me before i received it then it would have gone to our children not my oh.

And as i have said earlier i used alot of it to completely clear our debts (including a few that were his solely but like you whats his is mine and whats mine is his) i chose to put it in to savings for when we are in a better position to go for a mortgage etc but he knows if it is needed as we are in dire straits then it will be used.

My oh has received an inheritance while we have been together but he chose to squander it at the time as he did see it as his money but this was pre children and our relationship was relatively new, married less than a year.

Asianchick

Fizzpop wrote: »

Me and my oh did discuss what to do with my inheritance and i use the word my loosely as it was given to me, if anything had of happened to me before i received it then it would have gone to our children not my oh.

And as i have said earlier i used alot of it to completely clear our debts (including a few that were his solely but like you whats his is mine and whats mine is his) i chose to put it in to savings for when we are in a better position to go for a mortgage etc but he knows if it is needed as we are in dire straits then it will be used.

My oh has received an inheritance while we have been together but he chose to squander it at the time as he did see it as his money but this was pre children and our relationship was relatively new, married less than a year.

I think I am being judged unfairly here.

My husband was earnings loads of money. Prior to this I was carrying him. Borrowed money to pay of debts he accrued before we married. Paid for everything so he could throw his money to his debt.

He started earning good money and instead of saving it or trying to help me out with the debt I took on to help him, the money was squandered. He didnt believe in saving so literally spent everything that he earned.

It came to a head last year when he wasnt working for 8 months. Refused to look fo a job that wasnt I.T related and I struggled to make ends meet. It got a job but still refused to save until he lost the job and we were back to square one.

So excuse me if I am being extremely cautious of him squandering my inheritance.

I genuinely want a future with him but my patience and generousity have worn thin.

I will put some of the money towards a deposit but will keep some of it for myself.

To me, that's more than is deserved.

He refused to save for a deposit and saddled me with debt and I need to now see that he has changed.

I want to see that he is able/willing to save for something that he wants and not just take money from his mum/dad/nan or my deceased parent.

onlyroz

You could do both, and get an offset mortgage. Therefore, half could go in as a deposit for a house, and the other half could sit in the offset savings account. This means that while the money is in the savings account you are paying less interest on your mortgage - but the money is easily accessible if you need it for something at a future date.

Fizzpop

Aisanchick im not judging you at all, what you have quoted of mine was directed at gingin not you as gingin seems to be questioning my relationship and my use of the word my.

At the end of the day you need to do whats best for you just like anyone else does, we all could have the most perfect partners and everything in life could be perfect, but no body knows whats around the corner and it is always best to have savings of some kind behind you for whatever reason, i chose to put ex amount of my inheritance away (there i go with the use of the word my again) my oh chose to squander his i didnt question him so i dont see why he should have any right to question me

Asianchick

Fizzpop wrote: »

Aisanchick im not judging you at all, what you have quoted of mine was directed at gingin not you as gingin seems to be questioning my relationship and my use of the word my.

At the end of the day you need to do whats best for you just like anyone else does, we all could have the most perfect partners and everything in life could be perfect, but no body knows whats around the corner and it is always best to have savings of some kind behind you for whatever reason, i chose to put ex amount of my inheritance away (there i go with the use of the word my again) my oh chose to squander his i didnt question him so i dont see why he should have any right to question me

Sorry. Wasnt directed at your quote but the one above it.

Men. Who needs them .lol

celebrate

onlyroz wrote: »

You could do both, and get an offset mortgage. Therefore, half could go in as a deposit for a house, and the other half could sit in the offset savings account. This means that while the money is in the savings account you are paying less interest on your mortgage - but the money is easily accessible if you need it for something at a future date.

good idea......
but i still would say from my experience is that some men if they know you are paying the mortgage etc are more likley to sit on their ars*e and do even less and squander even more

Fizzpop

Asianchick wrote: »

Sorry. Wasnt directed at your quote but the one above it.

Men. Who needs them .lol

We dont need them, just like they dont need us but we do like to have them around, they come in handy occasionally lol x

Errata

He started earning good money and instead of saving it or trying to help me out with the debt I took on to help him, the money was squandered. He didnt believe in saving so literally spent everything that he earned

I think you mean he didn't believe in paying his debts whilst someone else was daft enough to pay them for him.
TBH he sounds like an irresponsible teenager not a grown man. You're not his mum, stop picking up the pieces of his life which he quite carelessly smashes whenever he feels like it.
I wouldn't trust him with yesterday's newspaper.