Would this upset you?

Jojo_the_Tightfisted

How is having contact with these toxic people improving your family's life in any way?

It's not, is it?

You could always have a party and invite everyone else to yours - and introduce a new rule where if MIL wants to see the children, she has to come to your house - so any snidey comments result in her being ejected pretty sharpish. Of course, she might refuse, which makes it absolutely clear where she stands.

Unfortunately, some people are so full of snobbery and prejudice (particularly racial or religious) that they are practically demented. They are best avoided.


And I can sympathise with a child wading into an argument in your defence. It is wonderful in a way that they love you so much and are so confident that you are being badly treated, but it definitely clouds the matter. (Had experience of this yesterday). It's a combination of a :j and a facepalm moment, IMO

I suggest a special little treat for her, along with a whispered 'Don't wade in again, OK? I'm a grown up and don't need defending'. Just so she knows you appreciate her but don't want it happening again.

Bunny

you've not torn the family apart, She has.
I don't know how you've put up with it for so long. Regarding your children still going, I agree you're a much nicer/better person than I am.
Unfortunately I think every family has at least one of these people who are intent on ruining other peoples happiness!

Sessie

I could almost have written this topic myself.

My SIL is ... I don't even know which WORD to use. I have done NOTHING to her, EVER, and yet she has, is and will continue to try to block me out of the family (OH's family that is).

She told a blatant lie about me (my OH was there when I supposedly did what she said and knows that I didn't do it) but PILs believed her (though they now say they don't, they just think it "got out of hand") and things have been extremely strained since then.

I go to PILs on occasion and on the surface we have a cordial relationship but the whole thing is just EATING me up inside, I admit totally I think about it EVERY night when I'm in bed and I feel so impotently angry about it all.

I really want to have us all sit down and talk about it but I KNOW she would just deny everything and we'd get nowhere, either that or I'd end up looking like the bad guy accusing her when she'd just sit there all sweetness and light denying there's any problem.

So we are at stalemate. I totally understand how you feel and wish you all the best. It's easy for people to say, "just cut them out of your lives" but it's not so easy to do - not least because you have your children (and I mine) to think of - how can I choose to deny them a set of grandparents because of something that's happened to me?

So far as SIL and BIL are concerned, neither OH or I see them from one month to the next (although we all live within ten miles of each other) so to a degree they're not an issue (except in my head!!) but I just wanted to say, "you're not alone".

x