Step Families

gizmo111

I've just re read your thread from last year.

If I was you I would go to the conference on Monday even if you don't speak at least you will know what is going on and what the plan for the child is, better than getting 3rd/4th hand information from the family - you can discuss (or not depending on his mood) with OH after.

At 14 if the plan is for removal from the granny then it really needs to happen quickly as at this stage a lot of input will be needed from the carers to keep the placement stable and ultimately SD is likely to vote with her feet and go on the missing list quite a bit.

Buddingblonde

As we are in Scotland SD gets to say where she wants to be - regardless of what we want. If SW think she is best off with Gran with support then that is what will happen regardless of what has previously failed. She has not attended school properly since she was 12 and this year she will go into her standard grade classes already behind.

gizmo111

Buddingblonde wrote: »

As we are in Scotland SD gets to say where she wants to be - regardless of what we want. If SW think she is best off with Gran with support then that is what will happen regardless of what has previously failed. She has not attended school properly since she was 12 and this year she will go into her standard grade classes already behind.

That is no different in essence from england, but you care very deeply about this girl so carry on letting her know this and be involved as much as you can but make sure you have all the facts and protect yourself as well

Take care xx

Buddingblonde

Thanks Gizmo - I think I will go but trying to keep my mouth shut will be hard. I need OH to take control of the situation.

Strapped

I'm afraid that I have to agree with the earlier poster who questioned what on earth you're doing with this man. You did the right thing grassing up the drugs (pun intended). Bit confused about who exactly is living in your SD's household at the moment - am I correct in reading it as nan, SD, SD's sibling and SD's sibling's boyfriend? In which case, I assume that the sibling is older and now an adult so it would hardly be "splitting them up" if SD were to come and live with you.

Buddingblonde

Update - SD sister and her boyfriend have aparently moved out after there being trouble with locals and the police. This is a huge relief but it means that SD is with her Gran who is truly an evil c*w.
SW meeting it was decided that OH and I would check every morning that SD is up and ready for school. This was fine until we found out from the school that even though she was up and dressed she still wasnt going.
2 weeks on from the meeting and she has been in 1 full day 2 days late and then off sick for the other days.
We have spoken to SW and she is concerned but isnt suggesting anything else at this point in time. We are almost at easter and before we know it summer will be upon us and SD will still not be back at school full time.
She lied to us and said that she had no exams coming up but we have been notified by the school that she has exams in April - we have offered to help her study but any time that we push they drop off the face of the earth (this is the same with the SW too).
It is so frustrating but at least OH is now taking an interest although without formal action from SW I cannot see anything changing. OH has been to the door and heard people in and cannot get an answer.
Dont want to go down the legal route as SD is 14 and has a say in where she lives - we have spent a fortune in the past getting joint guardianship.
Gran is buying SD cigarettes and at the SW meeting SD confessed she is smoking 20-30 a day. SW not concerned about this but I am furious. They would be more concerned if it was drink but in my eyes this is child abuse.
Sanity is still with me (for the moment) but I have problems of my own coming up (redundancy) and health issues so I dont know how much more we can do.

Savvy_Sue

Buddingblonde wrote: »

Sanity is still with me (for the moment) but I have problems of my own coming up (redundancy) and health issues so I dont know how much more we can do.

Do you know, I don't know either? Honestly, you sound like a saint.

So here's a question.

What would happen if your OH said "Actually, I don't see what more I can do. My g/f has done her best, but our input doesn't seem to have helped. You (SW) don't seem to be worried about my DD smoking 20-30 fags a day. You don't have any more suggestions. I'm all out of ideas. My DD is welcome to come and live with me, and she knows where I am, and I'll do my best to keep in touch with her, but I'm not going to push it any further."

If he'd been a better father in the past, you might not be where you are today, but you can't change the past, and it doesn't look as if you can do much in the future either, so maybe it's time to look after yourself and be ready in case she 'sees the light'.

I really feel for her, and I really feel for you, but there comes a time when you just can't fix things.

findingmyownway

OP, I sympathise. Ex-OH and I had very similar issues with his eldest DD from the age of 11-ish. She's now almost 16 and things aren't much better - her mum buys her fags, seemingly turns a blind eye to truanting etc etc. God only know if she'll come out with any GCSEs. As OH and I split up, this is no longer my direct concern I guess, and I have even less power than I did as her stepmum. But it doesnt stop me caring, and having a relationship with her and her sisters. Frustrating!!!

Buddingblonde

I just wish I knew how to make the SW Department be more effective - they are failing in their management of this case. SD hasnt attended school properly since primary school and now she is facing exams without a hope in hell of getting a qualification.
Is there anyone else I can report this stuff to confidentially that would ahve more clout with SW?

gizmo111

Buddingblonde wrote: »

I just wish I knew how to make the SW Department be more effective - they are failing in their management of this case. SD hasnt attended school properly since primary school and now she is facing exams without a hope in hell of getting a qualification.
Is there anyone else I can report this stuff to confidentially that would ahve more clout with SW?

Easy to say its SW fault but teenagers with this sort of lifestyle are very difficult to turn around and then only if they are willing. If she was put in foste care she would most likely run away putting her at more potential risk.
If you want to complain there should be an address and maybe a form on the Local Authority website, but you have to remember no-one can make her go to school although they will try.
What was the outcome of the CP meeting?