Step Families

Buddingblonde

He was a lot worse when he was smoking cannabis every day - he has got better since stopping but needs a fire under him to do most things.

jackieglasgow

Well his responsibilities towards his child aren't like doing the laundry or washing his car. I have an uncle very much like this and I can only imagine what he's like to live with. If you don't think he can step up and be a man for his daughter, then if you can stomach it, its going to be up to you to push for as much help for her, as possible. How do you do that though with a fourteen year old who thinks she knows it all, and has been allowed to do as she likes for so long. Its a long hard slog, and you need to ask yourself if you want to do this. I wouldn't be able to have a relationship with a man who could be so neglectful of his child, tbh, you must have a lot more patience than I do.

Buddingblonde

I sometimes wonder myself - dd will no longer engage with me and told the SW that I wanted to replace her mum as I couldnt have children - hurtful and completely untrue! OH went off his head when he heard that as I have always been good to her and a good friend when she was younger. I wonder whether the situation would be different if her gran died (she is in poor health) as OH and her dont see eye to eye and have a very hostile relationship (many many incidents over the years where she has threaten Oh with the police if he contacts DD etc etc - stories that have no truth at all in them).

somethingsgottogive

I feel so sorry for this poor girl! You definitely did the right thing telling the SW about the drug issues, I would imagine that if it's readily available at home, she's a regular smoker by now, which wouldn't be helping her attendance at all.

You're OH say's he'd be happy to have her live with you, but you think he doesn't mean it - just wondering, would you like to help her though, if she wanted to? There's a chance that given the right opportunity and support she could get back on track - could you do, even with minimal support from your OH? It sounds like she's crying out for help through her behaviour, and it would be tough, but you might be able to do something to stop her from ruining her life.

SGTG x

EDIT, must have cross posted

Buddingblonde

I have in the past tried to build bridges with DD - we were friends on facebook and bebo and I would chat and keep her up to date with the kitten we had bought for her (that lives with us) and also I would text her to say hi etc. She however has defriended me on these things and is adament that she doesnt need another mum. If I thought that I could get her to engage I would. I have offered via OH to help her with the subjects she is struggling with at school as I have good passes in these subjects myself.

curlytop12

just wanted to say,well done you.you absolutely did the right thing.the DD isn't going to get help/support etc if no-one tells the whole story,its a shame you are alone in your standards!
keep strong.

Buddingblonde

gem68 wrote: »

keep strong

Thanks for this - I dont know how I do it sometimes - so much is happening in my own life at the moment - job and health problems - that I wonder how to manage all this.

heretolearn_2

You are on a hiding to nothing here; but I still think you did the right thing, I just don't think you are going to get a happy ending.

Your daughter loves her mum, no matter how difficult/hopeless things are, and she is naturally goiing to be very defensive of her. This is why she is turning against you right now, she feels that by coming forward and admitting how bad things are, she will be betraying her mum. So to choose between betraying her mum, and taking it out on you, she's going to choose her mum. In time, with a bit of maturity, I hope she will come to realise that you only wanted to help and appreciate what you did.

peachyprice

heretolearn wrote: »

You are on a hiding to nothing here; but I still think you did the right thing, I just don't think you are going to get a happy ending.

Your daughter loves her mum, no matter how difficult/hopeless things are, and she is naturally goiing to be very defensive of her. This is why she is turning against you right now, she feels that by coming forward and admitting how bad things are, she will be betraying her mum. So to choose between betraying her mum, and taking it out on you, she's going to choose her mum. In time, with a bit of maturity, I hope she will come to realise that you only wanted to help and appreciate what you did.

Her mum is dead.

Buddingblonde

Her mum died about 4/5 years ago and she is being brought up by her maternal grandmother.

OH still not talking to me but at least with all your support yesterday and today I can keep my resolve and not try to difuse the situation by apologising (I tend to do this as he is a sulker and I hate the not talking).