What should I reasonably pay for DD to go to Uni

jennifernil

Going back to the immediate problem of funding.......

Despit how your daughter feels about staying at home, she needs to face a few basic facts. If you cannot afford to find about £6000 per year to pay for Hall of Residence or shared flat plus food, books etc, then she either needs to find a lot of that money herself or stay at home.

Even if you had the £5000 savings to give her now, that would not go far.

And if I were you,once you have the funds back, I would give it as a monthly or termly allowance rather than a lump sum anyway. Spread it over the length of her course. Give her her own £1000 now, then the £4000 as £1000 per year. Although you say you were saving this for her, I don't think it unreasonable that this should be considered as part of your Parental Contribution.

She needs to apply for the minimum loan, no 2 ways about that.

So that is about £2000 per annum found.

Then you need to figure out what you can realistically afford to give her out of income.

The rest she needs to find herself. Thinking she should not get a job is unrealistic these days.

ceebeeby

Thanks Somerset. I've most definitely got parental faults too though - perhaps I've carefully hidden them!! I do appreciate your encouragement. You're right to make me question am I doing too much, I think I'm so afraid of doing too little.

Like you, I had no support financially or emotionally from anyone from a very early age, in fact, my only parent moved to another country the week before my GCSESs and basically left me to get on with it.

I rented a room in a neighbours house, payed for by my part-time job. I had to leave school straight after my GCSEs to full-time employment just to be able to survive. Higher education was never an option at that time, however, over the course of 20 years I first self-funded night school A Levels, and then a degree.

This isn't right either though, and I do regretably have resentment towards my poor Mum. This will never change as there is no viable explanation for her decision making at that time. I speak to her a couple of times a month, and see her twice a year - but that's not the way I want it to be with me and my four kids.

Getting this balance right is so very hard.

Can I just say how grateful I am to everyone for their advice and support (practical and emotional) - I will get there as will she (even if I have to drag her!!) but this is a big help!

ceebeeby

jennifernil wrote: »

Most student bank accounts will give some sort of overdraft, often increasing each year, but it would be a VERY BAD idea to rely on this as a primary source of funding.

Can I ask why her father and her step father both refuse to give any financial support? And is the bad relationship between your daughter and husband due to this, or the other way round?

Did your 22 year old stay with you and present DH? Did they get support?
Presumably your younger teen is a joint effort and DH will support them in the future?

Sorry, don't want to appear nosey, just trying to understand the situation.

Sorry, posts are going out of order.

Her father just point blank refuses and won't give a reason.
DH and DD2 (this child) have fallen out over many issues - mainly I have to say her laissez faire attitude with the world and the mess she leaves the house in. Vice versa, it's with him shouting at her. At present, they have both disowned each other (seriously - I couldn't make it up) and both now can't wait to see the back of each other. I sort of stand incredulously in the middle, thinking how selfish of them both to put me in this predicament. They are both at fault - him slightly more than her because he's already an adult and should know better. DH and I are seriously floundering, with this being a major (but not only) contributor.
DD1 stayed at her Mums, and we supported her until completion of her A Levels. At that time, she went to work full-time and we stopped making any form of formal contributions. She recently asked us to help her put a deposit down on a house. that we very regretably had to say no to as we didn't have it. I have offered that when the second house sells to give her something towards a deposit.
DD3 as you say is a "joint effort" - I like the terminology. As of today, I would be quite confident in saying DH has no issues with funding DD3, although if we do separate, I would have to reevaluate.

Lokolo

I live off £300 a month after accomodation. £100 of savings and £200 from gifts. But I do live quite "luxurious" and could cut it down if need be. I have a nice car which I run. I had a placement year where I was earning so I saved lots from that.

In second year I worked as a Student Ambassador working at the uni, helping at open days, visiting local schools to encourage youngsters to think about what they want to do after school and college. The pay was good, but there were limited hours. The universities she is applying to may have something similar.

A lot of my friends work in supermarkets, but it does mean staying over xmas, which is pretty lame but a job's a job.

I also got near full time jobs during the first year summer which I managed to save up £2k before I went back to uni in second year, this helped a lot!

Voyager2002

I do have to say that I am appalled at the behaviour of your husband with regard to student financing. I can well understand that he may not feel like handing over money to an rude, foul-mouthed teenager -- I sometimes feel that way at the prospect of supporting my wife's daughter through higher education, but certain things are unavoidable. What is absolutely inexcusable is his refusal to provide financial information so that she can at least receive all the public support to which she is entitled. And after that, to have the sheer nerve to refuse to allow her to benefit from rent on what is at present her room: words fail me! Were a partner to treat my child in this way, I would see a solicitor about divorce and about what would happen to the house: and I would make sure that s/he knew what I was doing, and why.

ceebeeby

Thanks Voyager for the valid view. Can I just be really clear, that regardless of whether he does or doesn't provide the financial information, she won't be entitled to any more than the lowest limit of £915 anyway, as our income is way above the highest limit. So whilst not defending him, just want to clarify that it's almost a mute point in some respects as she won't be disadvantaged in loan terms because of it.

Sadly I am already questioning whether any form of future with DH is salvageable at present. However, this is probably off thread, because although his relationship with DD2 is a factor, it is neither the primary or only cause of our troubles.

ThinkingOfLinking

Oldernotwiser wrote: »

You work 40 hours a week on top of getting your student loan?

Yes. I'm a mature student with responsibilities, unfortunately.

evespikey

I think it's appauling that your partner (her step-dad) is not contributing to her uni education, since it his his income (combined with yours) that is preventing her from getting financial help.

I think perhaps you're running two issues into each other:
1. the issue of the money you stole from her (sorry to be blunt, but it is what it is)
2. the issue of whether her family are going to financially support her at uni.

For some practical pointers, my parents gave me £200 a month (I've just graduated so this is recent pricing!) and I think that this would be my recommendation for you here. The points in favour of this are: it teaches her to budget, shows her you care about her and her education, yet shows her that if she wants more (cinemas, shopping) she has to get a part time job to pay.
HOWEVER this £200 that I recieved was for food and travel to uni. I used my (english) student loan to pay rent and bills. There was pretty much no extra money left, it was tight but happily bareable.
So even if you did give her a set amount each month she would still need to pay rent, and where would that money come from? In my case it was student loans so I would suggest doing that reseach and applying.

In addition I would thoroughly recommend getting a student bank account with interest free overdraft. These can be quite substantial (£1500), I can recommend Natwest- they offer other useful freebies like a student railcard.

melancholly

get her to look at student accounts herself. there's an article on the main site that will be updated nearer the time when uni starts.

time to get her to sit down and work out the finances and maybe having a bit of control will help her a little.... it all sounds difficult but it's time to all sit down and work it out. it's a long way til september to live in a war zone!

BFM

could she not work for a year before going to help fund her education. will also help her work ethic when she gets there enormously and reinforce the imporatnace of getting the best qualification she can in order to get a graduate job when she finishes.

if your income is decent assume one/both of you have good jobs, is it possible you or your DH can get her an "intern" type job for a year, if she's living at home can probably save up a bit and you should have her make contributions toward the house to help her be ready for living on her own away from home when she is ready to go - even if you are putting this rent/council tax/utilities payments she makes to one side for when she goes (without telling her you are doing so)