What should I reasonably pay for DD to go to Uni

ceebeeby

I could give her a monthly allowance, but it wouldn't be enough to pay for say all of her accommodation - it would just be a contribution towards it. Although, I definitely wouldn't class this as any form of repayment of the original savings. That would be repaid in full as a lump sum on house sale as originally intended.

Fang_3

ceebeeby wrote: »

I could give her a monthly allowance, but it wouldn't be enough to pay for say all of her accommodation - it would just be a contribution towards it. Although, I definitely wouldn't class this as any form of repayment of the original savings. That would be repaid in full as a lump sum on house sale as originally intended.

Her loan should cover the majority of her accommodation, so it would be money for living if you like. I think I remember the average being something like £150 a month which isn't a massive amount, but at least she'd be able to eat and go out once a week. On a budget at least.

I definitely think she has to get some form of part-time work, and actually a student overdraft would be invaluable considering she could pay it back once the flat is sold.

I'm wondering - whose name is the flat in? Please tell me it's not your OH?!

The_One_Who

ceebeeby wrote: »

- DD has half-heartedly applied for jobs, she handed in some CVs about 6 months ago, but didn't follow them up and has made no effort since. She does 2 hours cleaning a week one night after school and receives £10 for that from an elderly neighbour. If she did a better job, I'm sure this elderly neighbour would have recommended her to others, however, I know she does the bare minimum to keep the job and nothing more! She spends the majority of Saturdays and Sundays in her bedroom on her laptop or watching TV! She studies reasonably hard, and is not a massive party animal although does go out occasionally. She is sloppy and untidy (a normal teen!) and has no interest in the quality of anything.

She has not applied for any student loans / grants etc.

She will not engage in any sort of conversation around this - and whenever I try to raise it, it results in flounces, tears, sarcasm and general !!!!!iness (am I allowed to type that on MSE).

Now - she DOES have a legitimate gripe with regards to finance with me! About 4 years ago, I used funds from a savings account I had been putting by for her, to buy a second property abroad.

I could give her a monthly allowance, but it wouldn't be enough to pay for say all of her accommodation - it would just be a contribution towards it. Although, I definitely wouldn't class this as any form of repayment of the original savings. That would be repaid in full as a lump sum on house sale as originally intended.

I've snipped a few of your posted together, so hope this makes sense.

Firstly, she should be looking into SAAS to see what she can get. I believe the non-means-tested loan is about £915, which isn't much but is better than nothing. Why has she not applied for this? There is still plenty of time to do this, months yet, but it is something she should be looking at.

I really do think you should have a frank conversation with her about this. There is no need for it to descend into an argument, but it does need to be honest. If she wants to move away she needs to understand the costs involved, and she needs to understand where that money is going to come from, if at all. If she can't be mature about it then can she really be mature enough to live on her own?

As for the second home abroad, did she get any use out of it? I know that using 'her' money probably doesn't sit well with her, but if she got some use out of it then she can't really complain.

ceebeeby

Fang wrote: »

I'm wondering - whose name is the flat in? Please tell me it's not your OH?!

No - just mine. It was paid for from an inheritance I received that was sitting around doing nothing, so decided to help out elderly relative. I was a teeny bit short, hence using the savings that were solely in my name - but that savings included my daughters money.

ETA - I could probably give her £150 a month.

GothicStirling

I have been receiving 6k a year [from England, SAAS won't give you as much as this] in student loans and grants, had part-time jobs and claimed Discretionary funds and I've still struggled.

5K over four years isn't a spit in the ocean I'm afraid.

ceebeeby

The_One_Who wrote: »

As for the second home abroad, did she get any use out of it? I know that using 'her' money probably doesn't sit well with her, but if she got some use out of it then she can't really complain.

No - the elderly relative only lived in it for 3 months! None of us have ever spent the night in what was this brand new apartment. We have very close relatives that live very nearby so we always stay with them.

All the older children are welcome to use it - but don't (it is right next to a gorgeous beach etc. etc.). DD did ask if her and 9 other girls could go for a week, but with respect to the neighbours, I said absolutely not! If she wanted to go with a couple of friends that would be fine - but she knows this.

It's basically sitting empty, waiting to be sold.

Voyager2002

To answer the question originally posed, about how much it would be reasonable to give here, the answer has to depend on how much she receives in the form of student loans and grants, and how much is indicated as the parental contribution. If she is unable/unwilling to apply for student funding, then she is not yet ready for university. And until you know how much you would be expected to contribute, you cannot really start talking about amounts.

As for the other issues, I think it might be helpful to bring your older (22-year old) child into the conversation. Your daughter is right to feel resentful about a lot of what is going on, but needs to understand that her behaviour has contributed to some of these problems. A reasonable resolution might involve your OH agreeing to make the parental contribution for which the family is assessed, but on the understanding that she will in future treat him with common courtesy.

The_One_Who

ceebeeby wrote: »

No - the elderly relative only lived in it for 3 months! None of us have ever spent the night in what was this brand new apartment. We have very close relatives that live very nearby so we always stay with them.

All the older children are welcome to use it - but don't (it is right next to a gorgeous beach etc. etc.). DD did ask if her and 9 other girls could go for a week, but with respect to the neighbours, I said absolutely not! If she wanted to go with a couple of friends that would be fine - but she knows this.

It's basically sitting empty, waiting to be sold.

Ah, okay, I see. You do really need to have a conversation with her. I know discussing finances with the children isn't very comfortable (for both sides), but she needs to know.

ThinkingOfLinking

GothicStirling wrote: »

Typical teenager I'm afraid.

You're right, it's her choice to go to Uni, so she should be paying for her own education. Would you pay her mortgage? Car payments? She needs a sound lesson in life.

The reality is, if she doesn't get some real work experience while at university, she'll find it virtually impossible to find employment with a degree. She seems to have 'the world owes me' complex, and she needs it banged out of her soon for her own good.

I couldn't agree more with this. I have no parental support at university, and do 8-hour days of classes, plus work 40+ hours a week and am still alive, also knowing I'll have a CV packed with experience and can prove I can handle hefty workloads and achieve a good balance.

jennifernil

Does she not need to submit something to SAAS soon, even if only to get tuition fees paid?