Please help, this is tearing my family apart :(

izzybusy23

Sorry but I would say your son has had a very luck escape!!! He has plenty of time to have a child in a loving relationship where that child will not be used as a weapon or pawn and not worry about having to sacrifice 15% of his income to a child that he hardly see's or is used as a glorified babysitter when the girl gets bored of being a teenage mum and wants fun in her life again.

Sounds like you all were truly sucked in by this 'girl' and I feel sorry for you as all women aren't like that; you family were just unluckly; but consider it a very lucky escape for all concerned and that it all came out before your son had spent years devoting his life to a child that wasn't his.

FBaby

Firstly, I got a positive pregnancy test 8 days after ovulation, so it is very possible that she knew so soon afterwards (saying that, i was trying actively and so tested very early out of desperation!).

I think you need to be very careful with the way you act as you seem to have a slightly one sided view on this. To start with, she might have a point to say that your son wasn't there for her during her pregnancy. Those allegations that she was with someone etc... might just be hearsay and not the facts. If your son wasn't present for the most of her pregnancy, you can understand her reluctance to put him on the birth certificate.

In terms of the dna test/csa matter, although it is indeed suspicious that she would stop it when dna was requested, there is a small possibilities that she feels very offended that he would actually doubt he is the father and that might be alone for wanting nothing to do with him. If he does drugs, of course she has very good reasons for refusing access.

Personally, I don't think your son is showing a lot of commitment in his desire to take his role as a father seriously. If he really does care about being a dad, he needs for once to stop taking drugs. He might be stressed, but so are half of the population of England, you learn to cope with other methods than drugs, especially when young children are involved. Then he need to apply to court and request a dna test. If he is proven to be the dad, then he can decide how to play it, however, all this should be done with as little spit as possible as if he makes a point of proving he is not the dad etc... and then turn out to be wrong, she will most certainly use this against him and fight with all her might to have him out of her and the child's life.

Sarahsaver

Have you been in touch with the charity Young Minds for your son, and for you to help him through this. They have been very helpful to mine and other families i know.

Mojisola

For all your sakes, I think you need to establish whether or not he is the father.

There's some useful information here - https://www.fnf.org.uk/law-and-information/paternity-law

BARGAINHUNTER!

You will need to get your son to see a solicitor about applying via the courts for contact. That way if she again says that the child is not his then the judge will order a DNA test and then you will know for sure. What an awful awful situation for everyone concerned, your son, the little boy who had started to build a bond with your son, and you who had started to build a bond with a baby who might or might not be your Grandson. Please keep us updated on how this pans out. If it does go to court though it would be advisable for your son to have put his drug habit well and truly behind him if he wants unsupervised access and a chance to be a father to his son, if it is proved that it is his.

clearingout

I agree, getting a judge to order a DNA test is now the only way you will get this sorted once and for all. At best, the girl has doubts. At worst, she knows the child isn't your sons but saw him as a decent kind of guy she could probably push into being dad. I feel sorry for her - she is clearly looking for 'love' and thinks sleeping with men will somehow get her that. As most of us know, there's far more to 'love' than sex, but that is probably something that comes with a bit of time and experience, as well as the all important self-esteem. I suspect if you looked into her past, you'd find it very revealing.

Many solicitors will do a free half hour. It might be worth running it past more than one to get an opinion. What you don't want to do is mess up the opportunity. My story is somewhat different, but there is a warning in it - my ex husband walked out on me just over 2 years ago and three weeks later I realised I was pregnant with our third child. It's all the biggest load of bollox you could ever imagine, but he demanded a DNA test through the CSA (this, the man who'd been having an affair for years!) and then didn't follow through with the paperwork (there is a short window of opportunity - make sure you son takes it and doesn't delay in sending the paperwork back). A couple of weeks later we were in court over another issue with the older children and the issue of 'needing' a DNA test was brought up. No doubt to rubbish me in some way, or put me in my place. Anyway, I had the foresight to turn up with the CSA paperwork which showed he'd refused the test and the judge also refused it him. His only chance now is to sweet talk me into it! Said child is now 18 months old, he was written into the Consent Order we made over residency and contact and the ex has changed his story to me having 'got pregnant on purpose'. The point is, if you mess it up in court, there'll be no way you'll get a test otherwise. You've been warned!

speedster

DX2 wrote: »

Parental rights doesn't affect CSA?

dna test does.

if she refuses request, case is closed.

WhiteHorse

It seems extremely unlikely that your son is the father. Congratulate him on his lucky escape and tell him to look, learn, and move on.

Sambucus_Nigra

WhiteHorse wrote: »

It seems extremely unlikely that your son is the father. Congratulate him on his lucky escape and tell him to look, learn, and wear a fec.king condom next time.

Corrected for you

LovesDennys

AnxiousMum wrote: »

ETA: I'd be betting that if he went to court for parental responsibility

Did you mean parentel rights?

DX2 wrote: »

Parental rights doesn't affect CSA?

Can anyone confirm the official position between parental responsibility and parental rights?