Please help, this is tearing my family apart :(

richardfenn

12 months ago my 18 year old son slept with a girl after knowing her for just a few hours. A week later she said she was pregnant and it was his. They got on fine and were going to live together and be a family until she decided to fumble around with some other boy when she was three months pregnant.

After this my son lost all interest in her. We knew it had affected him deeply though as he turned to drugs to blot out the pain.

We kept in contact with the girl and when the baby was born we arranged to see him and to let my son see him. To see the look on my sons face was priceless, he was overjoyed at his beautiful son.

The next couple of months were great. He looked after his son whilst the girl was at college. We babysat at weekends when she wanted to go out. At christmas she came to stay overnight. I think she thought we had invited her because we were playing matchmaker to get them back together but we weren't as we knew our son no longer had those sort of feelings for her. Later that night she tried to sleep with our son but he rebuffed her.

Since then we haven't seen the baby or her. She deleted us all from Facebook etc so we couldn't even ask how the baby was or anything.

However the girl had him registered and refused to let my sons name be put on the birth certificate. Then the CSA got involved so we decided that it would be best to get a DNA test done so at least we would all have some proof that the baby was our sons. I think that this proof would also help my son come to terms with the responsibility that he faces and stop him getting stoned all the time trying to blot it all out.

He isn't a bad lad. When we can get him to talk about his feelings he admits his drug use is wrong but he can't seem to handle all the upheaval and emotion. Whenever they talk on the phone it always ends in an argument though as she constantly belittles him for not being a proper father and yet she doesn't allow him to see the child so she is just as bad.

As the DNA testing date gets closer she has got more and more agitated and has now decided that we can have no access whatsoever and that she will drop the CSA so that the DNA test can't be done. She says that she is going to move far away and we will never see or hear from her again.

What rights does our son have? After all there is no proof the boy is even his as she refused to put him on the birth certificate and now she is refusing the DNA test.

Can the law make her have a DNA test so that there is some concrete proof? If the child is my sons then he wants to be a part of his life.

This whole episode is tearing us all to pieces. If anyone can help or offer advice it would be much appreciated.

Thankyou

AnxiousMum

From what you have said in your post as far as timelines go, I highly doubt your son is this little boy's father! She knew one week later that she was pregnant and that it was his? If she's on a regular 28 day cycle, there is no way - as it would've been day 13-15 or so that he would've had to sleep with her, meaning she would've had to have known around days 20-22 that she was pregnant. Even the best of pregnancy tests don't let you know until a few days prior to a missed period. I'm thinking she was pregnant when she slept with your son. Face it - if she's sleeping with someone else when she was 3 months pregnant, she's not exactly the loyal partner is she?

Meanwhile, you've been left with a son who is emotionally tied to who he believes to be his son, and I think to help him through this, the best you can do is try to force this DNA test to go through. Unfortunately I don't know the procedure, but he needs to know that this child is not his so that he can get over the emotions that this has brought up in him and get his life back on track with a bright future.

Also her behaviour - cancelling the CSA and wanting to cancel the DNA test - she knows this is not your son's child, and personally, if that is the case, I'd be looking at suing her little !!! in court for the trauma and upset that this has caused your son, and your entire family.

You too deserve to know if this is your grandson, and if not, then be able to get on with your lives knowing that you are all better off for having his mother, for want of a better word, out of your lives.

Your son is lucky that you are supportive of him and doing what you can to assist him. He's obviously having a hard time dealing with the whole situation, because some little bimbo is playing with his entire life - best to get her out of it totally.

ETA: I'd be betting that if he went to court for parental responsibility she'd be claiming the child is not his!

welshmoneylover

What an awful situation for you all, I really feel for your son he must be in turmoil. However, reading between the lines of your post I'm wondering if the baby is actually his.

I wish you all the best in the world to try and resolve this because I don't think an answer either way is going to be a pleasant one.

Sambucus_Nigra

'A week later' is the qualifying line here. No way jose! You've all been scammed big style.

kazwookie

Some how you need to establish if the child is his or not.

Sorry I cannot offer any more advise, good luck

richardfenn

Thankyou AnxiousMum and everyone who's replied, my wife and I always thought there was a couple of weeks discrepancy between the dates of conception etc. but my wife does say that the baby looks like our son. Unfortunately I'm a bloke so I couldn't tell you whether they look similar lol you ladies are much better at that sort of thing

She went the full term of 40 weeks and yet that would put her two weeks before my son thinks they got together. However, the word 'thinks' in that last sentence is the one we need to notice because in all honesty he doesn't remember what the date was.

AnxiousMum

Richard, that's the female motherly wife speaking! If you look at any baby, you can often see what looks like a family member. If you know anybody with an adopted baby - ask them how many times someone said 'oh he looks just like you'........ The mother's behaviour when asking for a DNA test explains it a whole lot too though - why would she drop the CSA case? I'm thinking she just expected your son to roll over and pay child support without knowing for sure - she obviously at least has her doubts!

jinky67

I think the fact this girl wants to cancel the DNA test says it all, sorry

I feel for you all having to be in the situation. but I too would be pushing for the test to get done, so that your son, and you and your wife know one way or the other

corbyboy

The fact that she has dropped the CSA claim which means you can't get the DNA test speaks volumes.

This is not your son's child and he needs to try to come to terms with this. You could consult a solicitor but she will just claim the baby is not his. Unless hearing this would help him to get over it?

richardfenn

Is there any legal way to make her have a DNA test done though?

If there isn't I'm not sure what effect this will have on our son. How could anyone go through life knowing there may be a child out there that is his and yet never see him ...

This girl is adamant that the baby is his and the only reason she didnt put him on the birth certificate is because he wasn't there for her during the pregnancy. Although what she expected after fumbling around with this other boy a third of the way through I dont know.

welshmoneylover

Can your son go to court to gain parental responsibility, that could be one way of forcing a DNA test?

You need this test doing to put your son and yourself and your family through any more misery.
What an awful situation to be in.