Feeling like a bad mother!

FBaby

How could you possibly feel guilty? You didn't invite this friend, your son and he made this arrangement between themselves when you had already started preparing dinner. Of course you did the right thing saying that he would have to eat what was prepared and not be expected something different.

I had to laugh because I would have been a much more horrible mum in your situation because not only there would have been no way I would have considered doing something different, but I wouldn't have allowed my child to go to his friend's house for pizza!

Mrs_Arcanum

DS goes to a friends for tea every week. I don't feel guilty as I know on the one occasion he came to us he was non too sure about the food (only spag bol) yet I know they eat a lot of things such as sardines that most children would turn their nose up at. They also have all the guilt things (that we don't) to play with so more fun round there.

DD knows better & does not invite fussy eaters round without plenty of notice.

consultant31

It's many years ago now, but my DD (aged around 14) once brought a friend home for tea without informing me that the friend was vegetarian .

I had salad in the fridge and offered that but she declined whilst telling me in all seriousness that she didn't like vegetables :eek:

She ended up with beans on toast while the rest of us enjoyed cottage pie :rotfl:

miss_independent

Lol, you are not a bad mum at all OP!

Seeing people reminisce about their childhood experiences remind me of a couple of my own. I wasn't a fussy eater at all as a child, in fact it was a long standing joke that I would eat almost anything. However, I soon came to appreciate that whilst my parents are both excellent cooks, the same can't always be said of other parents .

When I was 12 the little girl from next door came round. The first time she came to our house her mother had asked if she could have sunday dinner with us and didn't even bother to tell my mum her daughter was a vegetarian so we had made roast beef. My mum didn't panick at all and quickly rustled up a meat free meal for her, getting my dad to go out and buy some Linda McCartney sausages and veggie gravy granules. We then had to put up with my friend telling us whilst we were eating how our dinner had been slaughtered and how awful we were for eating it . Everytime she came round we made sure we had veggie food in for her and my other friend who was also vegetarian. Both had said they like Linda McCartney Sausages, Vegetable fingers and Veggie burgers so mum bought them especially for them and they weren't cheap. Due to the way my two veggie friends tried to put me off dinner with tales of animal slaughter and also the fact that I am an animal lover, I became vegetarian too. After knowing the girl from next door for a year, I was invited round for dinner. By this time I had been veggie for a good few months and they were aware of this. Her mother served me up a plate of what can only be described as orange and grey slop. I enquired what it was and she told me "healthy cottage pie" which was actually just turkey mince, onion and turnip. I told her I was very sorry but I was vegetarian, like her daughter and could I please have the same as her daughter (cheese and turnip slop). She told me I was lying and her daughter told her I wasn't. Her mother then said I was only trying to copy her daughter and I wasn't a "real vegetarian". She told me I had to eat it and also said "I'm not like your mother. I don't give my children convenience food. I actually cook and we eat healthy food, not all that freezer stuff that your mum gives my daughter." :eek: For the record, my parents aren't English so they had to cook from scratch every day and never ate convenience foods. They had only got frozen vegetarian food for her daughter because thats what she said she liked. I wanted to cry, even though I was 12. She told me I wouldn't be allowed to leave the table until I ate every mouthful. It was the most disgusting thing I have ever eaten, it was absolutely foul. She hadn't seasoned it and obviously she was forcing a vegetarian to eat meat. I was actually swallowing mouthfuls of vomit it was that disgusting. It was like pig swill or something. She made me sit at that table for what seemed like hours and even though I was actually full, she made me finish every spoonful. When my dad picked me up she said, "She has had a PROPER dinner and she enjoyed it so much she polished off her plate." :mad:.

Ever since then, I became a fussy eater and I worry about what I'm going to be given to eat. I prefer having people round than going to their house to eat. When you are a kid it is a shame as you don't have that much of a say. Whilst I respect that it is an inconvenience to have to cook a different meal for a child, they have been invited as a guest and so they shouldn't be forced to eat something they really don't like. I would agree to stick to safe options but also ask parents beforehand if there is anything their child particularly doesn't like. My mum always used to say "what is their favourite meal?" a couple of days before and she would cook it for them.

I actually think the OP did the right thing. She took into account the fact the other child didn't like curry and didn't force it upon the child but still gave them the option of staying to tea if they did want the curry. Also, your OH was right, it was late notice.

littlerat

onlyroz wrote: »

Wasn't this, in itself, enough to make you buck up your ideas? I'd have hated to be the one that never got invited round, especially for such a silly reason...

It wasn't a silly reason to me though - I had (maybe still have) food issues, to me the idea of going and eating something else at someone's house was as disgusting then as having to eat something you'd hate as an adult.

Was no different to me than my vegetarian friend not eating meat.

red_devil

more fool the father and how lazy. I am sure your curry would have been more filling than a piece of expensive cardboard.

HappyEnough

Well I think i may well be the exception here, so please dont all shoot me down BUT.....
Being the mother of 5 - now all teens ewww - my strategy in life is "no"!! I do not invite children to tea, I have enough of my own mouths to feed and dinner is the only time we all sit down together as a family and talk. If my childrens friends invite them over, I do allow them to go, if theyre friends parents are happy to have them then so be it. I also do not allow "sleepovers". In fact I hate them, i did used to allow it, but it was only under duress, and i used to secretely long for the morning so the little darlings could go home, until one day i had a lightbulb moment and thought "thats it, no more". I explained to my children that they had nice warms beds, their friends had nice warm beds, and that they had no need to have other children sleep over. I didnt want it, so it wasnt happening. They are absolutely fine with it, it saves all sorts of arguments, my children know and respect our rules, other children may not. If they get invited to sleep out, they are allowed but i ALWAYS explain to the parents that I dont return the offer. Im not mean, Im just honest. Best all round really :rotfl:I like my little home, with my large family, and I like their friends. I just dont want to feed them or put them up for the night!!!;)

miss_independent

HappyEnough wrote: »

Well I think i may well be the exception here, so please dont all shoot me down BUT.....
Being the mother of 5 - now all teens ewww - my strategy in life is "no"!! I do not invite children to tea, I have enough of my own mouths to feed and dinner is the only time we all sit down together as a family and talk. If my childrens friends invite them over, I do allow them to go, if theyre friends parents are happy to have them then so be it. I also do not allow "sleepovers". In fact I hate them, i did used to allow it, but it was only under duress, and i used to secretely long for the morning so the little darlings could go home, until one day i had a lightbulb moment and thought "thats it, no more". I explained to my children that they had nice warms beds, their friends had nice warm beds, and that they had no need to have other children sleep over. I didnt want it, so it wasnt happening. They are absolutely fine with it, it saves all sorts of arguments, my children know and respect our rules, other children may not. If they get invited to sleep out, they are allowed but i ALWAYS explain to the parents that I dont return the offer. Im not mean, Im just honest. Best all round really :rotfl:I like my little home, with my large family, and I like their friends. I just dont want to feed them or put them up for the night!!!;)

I agree, especially when its a larger family. Growing up I was the only child in the house (large age gap with siblings) but one of my closest friends who lived two doors down had three sisters. I never got invited round for tea and sometimes I was at their house whilst they ate and I just sat at the table with a drink (I must have already had dinner). However, they would let me watch a video or take me on walks with the family just no sleepovers or food based visits such as tea. We all played together all the time, my friend had tea with us and slept over but it was never vice versa. I never thought any less of the parents. I just realised they had more mouths to feed and their lives were more hectic than mine. If all the girls each had one friend round at the weekend that would have been 8 kids under the age of 9 to feed and amuse!

TBH, I think myself sleepovers are a bit more of a novelty with kids who don't have alot of siblings of their own sex and similar age. For example, as an "only child by default" (Lol) I loved having friends round to sleep over and it was a big part of my childhood as it was like having sisters my own age. Whereas the friend I was talking about enjoyed it but because she got to relax and not have to worry about her three little sisters whining and she got pampered and spoiled a bit and got to play with toys that weren't already broken and without having to beg for her turn. All the things I loved; not being able to sleep because we were both giggling under the covers so hard, brushing your teeth with someone (cheesy but lol), whispering "Are you awake?" in the morning etc were all things she got to experience on a daily basis. If I recall correctly, I think each year as a birthday treat my friend's mum allowed each sister to have a special friend round to tea at a date after their birthday party.

My granny always used to say, "You've got your own bed, why do you want to sleep in someone elses?" I think you have to prioritize your family life before you start taking on other peoples kids!