Feeling like a bad mother!

Peartree

To offer a slightly different perspective (but hopefully equally comforting) I was a terribly fussy eater (less so now but still with a bit of fussiness) and I remember very, very clearly my childhood days and the issues it caused me. I would NEVER have accepted an invitation to a friend's house when I was little because I would have been terrified that I would be presented with food I couldn't eat. It was an incredibly big deal as in those days there was much more of a 'clear your plate and be grateful' deal. In fact, to this day, when I go to someone's house, I always have very anxious moments when it comes to serving up meals, particularly in situations when you there aren't dishes from which you can serve yourself!

I'm guessing that said child's parents, in despair on the eating front, might have offered the pizza just because said child would eat it and it would be nice for him to eat with a little friend? I wouldn't stress about it. Your child is friendly with a picky child and it is no reflection on you whatsoever. If the friendship is important to you maybe remember what the friend likes for a future day (because fussies rarely want something like lobster and are usually happy with something cheap and bland - boiled egg and soldiers did me for years). The important thing is that when the child comes to your house they don't feel stressed about food - and that means feeling that the food aspect of the visit is a big deal. So, sorry, I think organising activity around food, like making pizza, would be completely inappropriate. It could well make the child feel anxious about having to eat the end result and trying to educate the child on food is the responsibility of his parents. I completely agree that the poor mother of the child is probably posting on some other forum about being a bad mother!

I did read an interesting piece of research the indicated that many of us 'fussies' simply have an overdeveloped sense of the normal innate instincts that prevent us all eating something 'bad'. That made me feel a lot better! And for the record NOTHING could make me eat curry ever. Believe me I have tried very, very hard over the years and if I had a pound for everyone who has said to me 'aah but you haven't had one of my authentic homemade special recipe curry', and every time I've tried it and been miserable, I'd be rich indeed!

Amusingly, my Mum was the school cook at my primary school where they had really nice home-cooked meals and I was always the kid who refused to eat most of it, much to her despair! She's still trying though - I'm pushing fifty and when we go round she still regularly tries to convince me about cabbage!

YORKSHIRELASS

Oh that story about the omlette is so funny. I remember when my son was younger a friend came for tea and I made HM chicken nuggets and chips. Cant go wrong with that can you? The little darling looked at the chips and said "I only like proper chips - from the chip shop"!!!

I appreciate what you are saying Peartree and there is some good advice in your post. I usually offer two choices when the boys have friends for tea - or if all else fails there are usually some sausages in the freezer. My sons best friend has a severe nut allergy and another good friend is a vegetarian so I am usually prepared to be flexible.

I suppose it got me a bit today because I couldnt have afforded the takeaway pizza and the friends Dad could. Silly I know but there you are. I feel a lot better about it now having read everyone elses views and had time to think.

mummysaver

I wouldn't worry in the least, my dd2 and her friend have a pact, if either have stew for tea each decamps to the other's house! Woe betide the day when they both find stew on the menu!

On another note, dd2 often goes to another friend's house, and they generally get taken out to eat, something I could neither afford nor want to do! Occasionally I think that it seems a bit unfair, but that is the way that they eat, and we eat differently is all.

Lip_Stick

I have a feeling no matter what you'd made, they'd still have opted for the takeaway pizza. Put left overs in the freezer and congratulate yourself on having a kid free night for a while. :j

LJM

my girls have friends round to tea and i dont pander to fussy eaters,obviously if it is health reasons or allergies then yes but they generally eat the same as us,no one has complained and i also tell the parents this to i dont do it for my kids so def not for anyone elses

Peartree

Really this isn't about the food at all is it? It was just a single, split second of loss of parental confidence when you madly thought that money had even the most remote relationship with giving a child a good time! In my experience, before they hit teenage, kids aren't really that interested in food. I promise you, letting them jump on your beds will trump an overpriced takeaway pizza experience any day of the week, even if you only serve bread and jam - let the wasteful takeaway pizza buying dad guilt out about that one on his forum!

And never mind about the vegetarian alternative or the sausages in the freezer - if they don't like the rest of what you are serving it is rare to find a small child who won't chew on a bit of bread and butter if there's some good entertainment in the wings!

Yours sounds like a nice household. Personally I'd be grateful if my own family would remember I have severe shelllfish allergy after all these years!

Lip_Stick

Next week offer to buy the pizza.

Suggested toppings are: Anchovies, jalapenos (with extra), green peppers, olives, and maybe pepperoni to keep them sweet.

Should the plan go well you'll have a friday night free for a couple of hours after that week.

Peartree

LJM wrote: »

my girls have friends round to tea and i dont pander to fussy eaters,obviously if it is health reasons or allergies then yes but they generally eat the same as us,no one has complained and i also tell the parents this to i dont do it for my kids so def not for anyone elses

I appreciate what you are saying but no small child chooses to be a fussy eater. You may not appreciate, because you have not experienced it with your own children, but your brisk attitude could be utterly terrifying to a small child who has issues about food that, frankly, are none of your business to 'fix'. The only person that your 'we don't pander to fussy eaters' approach affects is the poor little kid who has no idea why they can't stomach this stuff you are serving up and no idea why this adult is being so negative. Or no idea why they aren't being invited around to their schoolfriend's house because the friend's parent has rules about the eating thing which might be a big thing to the parent but, actually, is of chuff all interest to the children as part of the whole being friends.

No-one else in my family is 'fussy', they all cleaned their plates and whatever. I knew when I was tiny that other people thought I was 'a problem' in relation to food and it made me incredibly anxious going to friends' houses because somewhere in the day the parents and eating thing would come into it. As I've said before, I'm pushing fifty and those memories are still very real to me.

Patchwork_Quilt

I can sympathise with both sides of this - my children ate almost anything but we had a lot of friends round who would only eat something out of a packet. Equally, I have a friend who was force fed as a child and who is still existing on a very restricted diet. Going out is a nightmare for her. In the end, neither the child nor the parents will think you were being mean by not buying a pizza. It's just how it was. I bet making pizza together one evening would please everyone.

ERICS_MUM

I'd just like to say congratulations for raising your son to like all sorts of food.