Real life MMD: Should I ask ex for money?

cuba2008

I can't see any problem with asking the father to make the journey every other month. And if he is paying so much less than he would if the CSA got involved then, yes, definitely he should be helping towards your fuel costs. Sue C may well have moved so far away to be near family or because that's where she had a job - it certainly shouldn't be used as a stick to beat her with as it could just have easily been her ex who moved away. She is after all the main carer for the children but is still entitled to a life of her own. I don't see her moving makes any costs that travelling entails entirely down to her especially if she's still got debts related to their old life together and he's only paying half the amount the CSA would demand.
Either way, her former partner should be prepared to put in a little effort to see his children.

WhyIsSavingSoHard

jamespir wrote: »

the dilema is miss leading and does not give us the full situation it does not say if dads paying off the debt to it just says mum

it also seems pretty biased to make us feel sorry for mum


Come on mse you do this every week and only give us half the information

I totally agree. It also doesn't say why the mum moved so far away or why the dad isn't picking up the children either. My neighbour does all the driving to get his children every week-end (Fri-Sun) without complaining as it's that or not see them!

This dilemma is so full of IFs

IF the Dad does or doesn't drive
IF the Dad can and will pay
IF the Dad's not paying any of the debts from when they were together

IF, IF, IF .....

My solution would be (assuming the Dad can drive) to offer to drive one month if he does the alternate one. Failing that, he'll need to pay towards fuel or only see them every other month.

I also don't see why they agreed to him paying half the child maintenance that CSA would have allowed, unless of course the Mum was playing away, has a new man in her life and has moved 200 miles to be with him.

Like I said, not enough information in the beginning and too many IFs for a proper and sound piece of advice I'm afraid

SueC_2

cuba2008 wrote: »

I can't see any problem with asking the father to make the journey every other month. And if he is paying so much less than he would if the CSA got involved then, yes, definitely he should be helping towards your fuel costs. Sue C may well have moved so far away to be near family or because that's where she had a job - it certainly shouldn't be used as a stick to beat her with as it could just have easily been her ex who moved away. She is after all the main carer for the children but is still entitled to a life of her own. I don't see her moving makes any costs that travelling entails entirely down to her especially if she's still got debts related to their old life together and he's only paying half the amount the CSA would demand.
Either way, her former partner should be prepared to put in a little effort to see his children.

:eek: For the record, MSE Penelope was the OP, and this isn't me we're talking about! I neither have children nor an ex partner at the other end of the country.

Although in fairness, I do have an ex partner that I wish was at the other other end of the country. :rotfl:

Ebenezer_Screwj

You should have been receiving your full entitlement from the CSA in the first instance. Point this out to him and get the CSA involved.

XRAT

Life is tough, it's a shame for the kids, they ought to see both their parents if they want. You moved, for reasons known only to you, that's not an ideal situation. But, at the moment you are compensating by paying for all the travelling.., but time is money too, and you are saving him both the time and the money!
In his position I'd be upset that you all moved.., but if I wanted to see the kids I'd be more than happy to pay for petrol if it allowed me to earn more than the cost of petrol. If not, I'd make the journey myself.
Good Luck with your new life.

freddy27

I would first ask why you moved so far away? Though it does not really make a differance. You should really have made better provision than half the CSA amount.
Get together with your ex-partner and discuss your problems. It does sound as though you did set up some sort of settlement, and as things have changed you should explain this to him. Say, he travels to you once a fortnight and reverse the next. That is not necessarily the best option. A more equal ammount each month sounds fairer to me. As someone who has had more than two similar situations to deal with- I knows you know.

Pellyman

Methinks there is more to this than we have been told so I'll refrain from advice, other than as below.

This is a family 'dispute', most importantly with children (of undisclosed age) involved. Family Courts are available for this type of situation and generally reach an equitable solution i.e. one that both parties think is unfair to them ! I suggest you use this facility, which invariably includes arbitration.

tgroom57

I don't care why you moved - I did too.
What concerns me is that you have a 200 mile drive which must take over 3 hours, and then what?
Do you turn round and drive back again? Too much already!

He has it far too easy- You can't even be sure he wants to see the children that often or maybe he just has them because you bring them to his door.

Definitely switch the visits to alternate months - this will half your petrol costs. If he wants to see them the months in between, he will have to fetch them himself. It is not so bad as it sounds, because 3 of those occasions will be school holidays (if they are that age) so the children may stay longer.

IDProtected

Sounds like you are more anxious that the children maintain contact with their father, than the father is to maintain contact with the children.

Asking him to give you petrol money may well persuade him to say that he simply cannot afford to do so, and he will not see the children again, which will be to their detriment.

anyadvicewelcome

of course there are always 2 sides to a story, you dont sound too angry but just wish he was more thoughtful, maybe be doesnt understand the pressure of the prices of the petrol etc. of course you want your children to see the dad, so you do it for them, but if it means the journey is costing you money that you really need, then this is going to effect the children, you need to chat to help and explain to HIM at the end of the day he is th only one who can do something sbout it. From my experience with the CSA courts etc, if you can sort it out yourselves you an your children will be better off and your future relationship with your ex (WHICH YOU HAVE TO HAVE WHEN YOU HAVE KIDS) will be better and that can only be win win, for your sake and your children...Im sure you know in your heart what is right i know it isnt easy im in the same boat myself xx