Who's being unreasonable here?

DVardysShadow

smartpicture wrote: »

I don't dislike her boyfriend at all, he's good company and we get on fine. However - I don't trust him financially. For example, when they first saw the mortgage broker, he said he had £5000 in savings, and the broker found them a deal based on that (together with her much larger savings). Then when he looked, he 'discovered' he only had £1000, and had 'forgotten' he had spent the rest. That's mostly why she asked me for a loan in the first place. He's nice, but he's very young and foolish, and yes, I do think things might go wrong.



That did make me feel bad reading that. But while I'm happy to gift £3000 to her, with no reservations, whether it works out or not - I'm certainly not happy to gift even half of that to some young lad I barely know, which is what could happen if they split up in a year or two.



I think maybe you're right, and he's not even aware of the deal we made. I only spoke to her about it, and I didn't put precise conditions on what sort of agreement they had between them, precisely because I didn't want to appear as some sort of interfering bossy control-freak. I just wanted to make her think about what could happen and protect the money we'd both worked hard to save

Your sister was right to have her little tantrum. But not at you. She should have reserved it for her dipstick of a bf.

Honestly, telling the Mortgage Consultant that the dog ate his savings :rotfl::rotfl::rotfl::rotfl::rotfl:. If sister has her head screwed on to any degree, she will be rid of this one soon enough, if she is left to work it out for herself.

conradmum

DVardysShadow wrote: »

Your sister was right to have her little tantrum. But not at you. She should have reserved it for her dipstick of a bf.

Honestly, telling the Mortgage Consultant that the dog ate his savings :rotfl::rotfl::rotfl::rotfl::rotfl:. If sister has her head screwed on to any degree, she will be rid of this one soon enough, if she is left to work it out for herself.

Or tell her you thought you had £3000, but when you went to look in your bank account it was all gone and you realised you must've spent it or summat.

elvis86

paddy's_mum wrote: »

In these circumstances, I'd probably still give the money since the repercussions for the larger family may well be endless if sis loses her dream home, despite the fact that it's her own tardiness and lack of integrity that has caused the problem.

However, I cannot agree more strongly with Elvis's choice of word earlier in this thread that she is emphatically not entitled to the money (despite what she appears to believe) and her actions up to date, as well as her attitude, would make me swear to myself that I will never again give her the chance to make such big waves as this upset has done. My trust in her sense of honour would have been irreparably damaged.

Personally I couldn't reconcile the two and would be very reluctant to allow myself to be bullied into giving the money anyway. What an awful outcome for what was and should be a lovely gesture.:(

All involved should walk away feeling great, little sis for having such a lovely, generous sibling and being able to afford her house, and OP for having been able to help her little sis who she obviously loves very dearly.

What's actually likely to happen, is the OP hands over the money and walks away feeling like she has been bullied and maniupulated into doing something she's not comfortable with. The threat of little sis's tantrums if she doesn't get her house (and more importantly, her own way), are no reason to part with this money on terms that you are not comfortable with.

Yes, little sis antcipated having this money when she budgeted to buy her house and her plans will be scuppered without it. But equally, the OP anticipated having the agreement she requested in place when she handed the money over. Little sis is wholly responsible for creating this situation in her efforts to manipulate and emotionally blackmail.

elvis86

conradmum wrote: »

Or tell her you thought you had £3000, but when you went to look in your bank account it was all gone and you realised you must've spent it or summat.

Brilliant!:D

After all, what can she possibly say? If her boyfriend, one half of the couple wishing to buy a house, can't be trusted to contribute the funds he committed to their deposit, she can hardly be angry that her generous sister made an accounting error!

Make sure you tell her in her boyfriend's company, and enjoy their faces! (I suspect that the OP is far too nice to enjoy this, but I'd LOVE it after the way the sister has behaved!).

ema_o

Just wanted to add we did the same as Sammy_Girl with buying as tenants in common with a clause that as I was putting in additional deposit I would get this back prior to dividing the value of the property between us.

I believe it was fairly simple for the solicitor to add this clause in, so would imagine even if your sister has left it late they will still be able to sort this out.

Hope your sis sees sense!!

pollypenny

What an incredibly generous sister you are! Your sister is ungrateful and thoughtless to be angry with you.

You say she is much younger. This leads me to wonder if she has been spoiled - by you, in fact.

OH and I spoiled my sister, 14 years younger than I, now she is a materialist woman, who still thinks the world and our parents owe her.

Stick to your guns. It's £3000 not £30!