Who's being unreasonable here?

vesper

I think you are doing the right thing. Young love is a fickle thing and there is no promises that it will last. You are just looking out for your sister in the best possible way.
My OH's father has just given my OH some money towards buying our first home (early inheritance) and he has stipulated that we get a kind of contract drawn up so that if we split up my OH gets that money back (depending obviously on the equity). I have no problems with this, in the end it is him money and it should be protected. And we have been together 8 years!

nickyhutch

I think if you're giving s gift, you can't attach conditions to it. If it was a loan, then that's different, because it would still be your money to protect.

Lance

You can attach any conditions you like with a gift or refuse to give it. Anybody who thinks they have £5000 in the bank and after seeing a mortgage broker finds out they only have £1000 should not be left in charge of the petty cash box let alone buy a house. Young people rushing out to buy a house with a 'Together' 125% mortgage helped wreck our economy..... and theirs.

How many posts are there on these boards about buying a house last Thursday with partner and now decided to split up... wanting to know what their share is and what does 'negative equity' mean. With house prices wobbleing and the economy going down the pan I would advise him to wait until he does have £5000 in the bank to show he actually can save / budget because he can't at the moment.

onlyroz

Sounds like your sister would be wise to purchase the house as "tenants in common" - so that she has an exact % share in the property. Therefore, if all goes t*ts up she knows exactly what she'll be getting back out of the property.

floss2

Why not suggest that it is noted by their solicitor who has paid what %age of the deposit? I know this can be done as my ex & his now wife did this so the legal eagles in my divorce were aware of his lack of assets (:p)

Mupette

she will have to live without it then, sounds ungrateful, who would she come crying to if bf stictched her up?

You sound like a very nice sister.

Errata

My guess is that she's been too embarrassed to mention anything about it to the BF, and now she's very embarrassed that she agreed to the condition you imposed on the gift because if she wants it she has to tell him.
However, she needs the money, you want her to have it so she can, with the useless BF, secure a property. A solution may be offering to loan it to her instead, with a very clear repayment plan. Paying back £3k interest free over, say 5 years, is peanuts each week. Lending instead of giving may allow both of you to save face and hang on to your dignity.

BitterAndTwisted

You are completely and utterly in the right and your sister is being very, very ungrateful indeed. I think you should point her in the direction of the Housebuying, Selling & Renting forum and have her read some of the horror stories over there of innocent, loved-up people getting stitched up like a kipper once things go horribly and unexpectedly wrong.

If you want to mend things and still give her the money after her petulant outburst I think a nice, unemotional letter explaining exactly what your concerns are might be in order if you think it's all too raw between you at the moment.

What a lovely sister you are. I so wish I had one like you.

meritaten

I probably disagree with some when I say if the money is a GIFT to your sister then a gift is a gift and you should have no say in how your sister uses it. a LOAN is a different matter - its ok to impose conditions on that.
I understand how you feel - but you have to trust your sister and thats prob why she went off at you - I know exactly what you have been accused of - been there done that! trying to protect my little sister, and I DO see her point of view! it can be taken as being controlling! phone her hun, and try to grovel while making her see the sense of your conditions! you obviously love her - just tell her that and how scared you are for her! worked for me! my sis and I are still on best of terms

Errata

Surely the time for the younger sister to kick off was when the gift and condition was discussed and presumably accepted, not some time afterwards?