Struggling.. failing miserably.. don't know what to do or how to feel anymore :(

Counting_Pennies_2

I think from your post you say baby is 6 months. Please don't try stopping little one having a day nap in order to solve the night sleeps. It will just end up with baby being over tired and not settling at all.

At this age two naps in the day is a minimum really. One in the morning and one in the afternoon.

Definitely agree to going out for a walk for baby to sleep in the pram and get fresh air. Can you manage a walk to the park with the other one in tow?

Have you help from homestart, I think you do from previous posts. What has the lady been saying, anything to help?

While it is painful, and this went on a year with my first (it did get easier to cope with!) keep to one form of solution. Controlled crying if that is what has been suggested is a good one. I did this with my son. Every ten minutes went back in and resettled.

Having said that, if he will settle in your bed at night then just go with that, it will give you sleep. If he won't then do the controlled crying.

Are you managing to get the wind up? Both arms over one of your shoulders and rub and pat gently.

How warm is the bedroom, too warm? Too cold? Is there any noise, or light that could be disturbing him? Do you have a musical box that you put on to sooth?

Is he waking with an explosive nappy in the night?

I always did a run through of nappy, hungry, wind. If they were all eliminated it went straight to controlled crying.

Sorry you are having such a tough time. It does get better, but it is hard right now. Keep working at it, don't take it as a personal thing you are doing wrong. Some babies are just hard work in their first year, plus you have had a huge emotional roller coaster yourself.

hth

londonlass001

hi there,

I have read some of your posts before and commented before as I was worried about you. I am not going to suggest what to do for the best with the baby, as although I'm a mummy too all babies are different and I think at this moment in time, you need some caring attention.

What I have wondered about is who else is around you who is supportive? You mention your ex, your GP and your HV, but it seems that none of these people either understand what is going for you or are there just to rant to when things get tough. Do you have anyone else in your life who you trust that you could confide in? I'm sure you have received support on this forum but I've also noticed that some people have been critical on previous threads which you don't need right now. Maybe try some of the baby forums if you find it easier to open up online as other women will be able to identify with how you feel (I'm not telling you not to post here but just aware that you are feeling fragile right now).

Do you get out with with the kids as a change of scenery not only might help you but might also tire lo out (it does mine!). Do you have any good friends who you could catch up with on the nights you don't have the kids? You are doing an incredibly tough job mainly on your own and I think you do sound depressed unsurprisingly. Please don't beat yourself up, I'm happy for you to pm me if I can help.

hugs

GEEGEE8

What a lovely post londonlass...

I'm another poster with no children, so I'm no use.. but, I would get a second opinion, especially about the silent reflux..

I've had reflux as an adult and didn't vomit, it was awful and woke me every half an hour without Gaviscon before bed..

You sound like a brilliant mum, and are trying everything you can.. I hope you manage to get some sleep soon and hang in there! you can do it xx

GEEGEE8

Also, is it possible for the OP to get some Gaviscon (for babies I presume) to try? or is it pescription only?

Worth trying even if the doctor doesn't think it's that.. ?

zarazara

(((((((((((HUGS))))))))))))) please go back to your GP ,and get a second oppinion. Could the babies father take him to the Docs? either you or him suggest the gaviscon approach. Are you tsaking anti-depressants? all the worrying you talk about, you sound as if you could be depressed.
Please speak to you Doc or heath visitor about how you feel, and get back to us and let us know how you are getting on.

looby75

GEEGEE8 wrote: »

Also, is it possible for the OP to get some Gaviscon (for babies I presume) to try? or is it pescription only?

Worth trying even if the doctor doesn't think it's that.. ?

you can buy it over the counter, but it would be much much better if a doc prescribed it.

Maybe the OP could go to the doc and specifically ask for it, explain why she wants to try it, some GP's will agree to just give it a try as it's pretty safe stuff.

looby75

OP I don't know if you have already seen this but this site has a pretty good description of silent reflux.

SingleMumOf2_3

Sorry I failed to mention that at a push yesterday she did actually prescribe gaviscon..even though she said it wont be reflux. So he has been on that every feed since yesterday after lunch. No change in his so far.. but I will be keeping him on it religiously until I run out (really hoping dad does too).

I cant remember all the questions.. but I do not think its my stress or emotions causing this.. as I have made sure I have been relaxed and stress free.. I did this for at least a week.. and there was no chance.
The only time he sleeps properly is where we are out in the pram. I cant continue with the controlled crying because babys dad does not agree with it. And there is no point me doing it if it can be kept up with. We did agree on the pick up put down technique but this is working just the same as controlled crying.. in other words.. it doesnt seem to be working at all. I am ok with bedtime.. can cope with that. But from midnight he is up every 30-60 minutes crying and screaming. Sometimes he passes wind and is tensing his stomach.. throwing himself back. So I stick by that I think there is something making him uncomfortable and not that he is seeking attention. I have even tried playing with him at daft o clock to see if it was attention seeking.. he has been in my bed, has had cuddles, been rocking, been put in the swing, in the bouncer.. he still screams and crys. All that stops him is milk.. sometimes he goes to sleep after that and sometimes he commences crying again.

He has just gone to dads so I am going to have a mega early night tonight.. possibly even a drink to relax myself.
I just dont know what to do anymore.. the doc referred him to the dietician last time.. but that it still weeks and weeks away. She refuses to refer him to a paediatrician.
I have gotten to the stage where I am now recording him screaming on my phone in hopes if I show them what actually happens through the night they might be more willing to help.

The home start lady actually came round on friday.. it took them a while to get more volunteers. But I will be having someone round every friday evening for 2hrs before bedtime.. so I will at least be able to bath both boys properly without baby screaming while I was my toddler and so on.

The explosive poos are now 2-3 times a day.. and then usually in the night aswell. If he needs changing in the night I change him. I try changing the temp of the room, the layers he has on.. even bought a nightshow but that didnt help either.

He is just an unsettled little boy and I feel like I have no idea where to go from here. I have been back and forth to my gp so many times.. have seem all 3 doctors who work there. Gotten different opinions from them all.. my poor boy has tried so many different medicines and things.. surely it would be easier if they had just referred him, done some simple tests.. and seen if anything came of that.

I am so sorry to keep posting on here and moaning all the time.. but I have no one else to turn to. My family are supportive in a sense.. but they have their own life to lead and cant do must. Babys dad is becoming more and more supportive where he can. But in a way I hold back in the sense that I dont want him to know how much I really struggle.. for incase things go wrong and he threatens to go for full custody again.

My friends support me but there is nothing they can do. And in return I am a rubbish friend to them because I am always stressed and tired. I can feel depression looming and I have no trust in my go to mention it.. or to my hv..

looby75

SingleMumOf2 wrote: »

Sorry I failed to mention that at a push yesterday she did actually prescribe gaviscon..even though she said it wont be reflux. So he has been on that every feed since yesterday after lunch. No change in his so far.. but I will be keeping him on it religiously until I run out (really hoping dad does too).

.

don't worry about it not working straight away. If it is reflux then it takes a couple of days of the acid not being there for everything to sooth and settle down, if you see what I mean.

Fingers crossed it makes a difference soon.

soupdragon10

I can really relate to what you are going through - DD didn't ever sleep through the night, OH was working at the other end of the country and GP and Health Visitor were no help at all. With hindsight I should have insisted that they did something, but was so worn down by lack of sleep that I just acccepted what they said.

Do go back to your GP and don't be fobbed off. Too often mothers are seen as 'hysterical' or 'making a mountain out of a molehill' when in fact there is a treatable condition if further investigations were done. For both your sanity and your baby's well being insist that you are referred to a paediatrician, as it isn't normal for babies to cry like this.

I was lucky because my mother came and slept over 2 or 3 times a week, and also took DD out during the day so that I could get some rest. You say that you lie awake worrying when baby is with his dad - is there anything you could do to decrease your anxiety and help you to sleep? It could be that you are so tired you can't sleep immediately perhaps a relaxing routine might help before you go to bed?

I do hope things improve for you - for me it took some of the enjoyment away from the early days of being a mum, which was such a shame.