Getting back together

appletree4

You sound very bitter. No need to be so harsh!
This is a long term together, 2 children involved.
You don't even know this man -or do you - ''I shall be thinking of you''.

Get a life!

Kay_Peel wrote: »

It sounds as though it doesn't matter what you do or say - she's going to find some excuse to explain why it just won't work. And she will say that it's all your fault - you're too jealous, too untrusting, too questioning, too protective and controlling blah, blah, blah.

She's told you that she wants to be apart from you (because it's all your fault and it just won't work anyway!) and so you've said you'll change that part of your behaviour. She's shown that she's not prepared to change the behaviour that upsets you. She expects you to take her as she is.

Does that sound like a woman who's going to work hard to repair the damage? Does that sound like someone who loves you, wants to be with you for the rest of her life and is truly sorry for your hurt?

You won't want to hear this because I suspect your not ready to face a life without her. ( I know all about those feelings of despair, believe me.) Here's the bottom line to your original question:

There's nothing you can do when one partner believes that the marriage is finished.

Don't beat yourself up and stay strong. I shall be thinking of you ......

Kay_Peel

appletree4 wrote: »

You sound very bitter. No need to be so harsh!
This is a long term together, 2 children involved.
You don't even know this man -or do you - ''I shall be thinking of you''.

Get a life!

It's just an opinion and I've got a life thank you. By the way - how's the Cutting out/Cutting Down on alcohol thing going, appletree? Not very good from the sound of you. Thinking of you, chuck. (not!)

ailuro2

OP, ask your wife to move out and you stay in the house with the kids... it isn't safe to go off to work and leave them with a mother who will be drunk by the time you get back.

your wife seems determined to stay in touch with her "friend" whether you like it or not.

If she won't leave the house then you need to take the kids with you to your Mums, otherwise you risk getting that phone call at work that you're needed up in A&E because something has happened.

What if someone were to call social services and report her as being an unfit mother, that would really complicate things.

I'm another one who doesn't think people should split up at the first sign of trouble ( see my first reply on this thread) but where the kids are in danger it is very clear cut for me - get the kids to somewhere safe and stable, because they really don't deserve to have this in their life, it sounds like they'd be better off with you.

sjc3

appletree4 wrote: »

You sound very bitter. No need to be so harsh!
This is a long term together, 2 children involved.
You don't even know this man -or do you - ''I shall be thinking of you''.

Get a life!

I disagree with you. Kay Peel didn't come across as bitter. She gave some good advice. Telling someone to "get a life" just because you dont agree with them is a tad childish.

NickyBat

I have to say, after following this post it is starting to sound like she has every excuse under the sun and is just wanting out of the relationship.
She is making life very hard for you in so many ways - maybe she is hoping to push you over the edge so that you call and end to it which leaves her absolved of blame.

pearl123

Actually, I find Kay Peels comment to Appletree4 totally inappropiate. She may have been offended by appletrees4 comments. And she could have just said that she was offended. Her reference to his Appletrees drinking and him/her trying to cut down from other threads is quite disgusting. If Appletree4 has a issues with drinking too much it not only does not belong in this thread but it also should not be referred to out of spite!

ssedd

Hello all.
I have been at my mums since the last post.
Things have settled down at least for me somewhat it has helped seeing old friends back home makes you realise that life is crap at the moment but things move on. We still see each other obviously with the kids and have also had a couple of nights together just the two of us which have gone good. I still very much miss her and the kids and to be perfectly honest dont really know which way to go with it. The house is up for sale now and so its just a waiting thing to see how long it takes to sell.
Am torn at the moment between staying away and moving back and trying to make a go of it which didnt exatly work out last time we tried. Have since found out that there were much more txt messages and phone calls between the two of them than I thought although I guess it dosnt really make any difference how many there were.
I still enjoy her company and could quite easily see myself moving back but then start thinking about things that have happened and how badly shes treated me.

Dont really want any advice just nice to put things in print sometimes clears the head a little.