Getting back together

ssedd

She has just been to pick up the kids and has told me she has booked an appointment at the doctors for Wednesday which is a big relief.

I am going to book the day off and go with her. Hopefully at least having to talk to the doctor will stop it from happening again.

Still going to go to CAB this afternoon for a chat. Its surprising how little I know about anything to do with benefits and the law etc when it comes down to things like this.

Feel so much better now even though nothings happened yet just feels like a lot of the problems have lifted a little.

NickyBat

thats a step in the right direction - going to the Dr, at least if you go with her you can make sure the correct picture is portrayed to the Dr.
Stay strong

ssedd

I moved back in and things carried on okish, still some drinking but not as bad and a few arguments about the cheating etc which I guess was to be expected.

Yesterday I found out she has texted the other bloke again last week so looks like I am on my way out again. No explination other then why cant she text friends.

I really am starting to think that she has something wrong with her as she cant see the things shes doing arent normal or ok.

Will now have to start worrying again about her drinking while looking after the kids; fingers crossed she will sort that out so we can both move on. Shes still waiting on a refferal about the drinking from when she went to the doctors so hopefully she will go and see someone.

NickyBat

i admire your strength and staying power, in an earlier post you said you had been to "see him", so has he been replying to her latest texts?

quantumleap

Hi there mate,

I don't usually reply on this board but I felt compelled to do so on this occasion. I really do feel for you. There have been many stories on here of husbands doing to their wives wha your wife is doing to you - the general consensus is usually "kick him to the kerb!".

Although I never agree with these sentiments (primarily because we only ever here one side of the story on here) I am thinking that it is time you took some considerable action. Your wife clearly has problems - the main one being that she can't recognise that her actions are hurting her family. If I were in your shoes I would seriously begin considering moving on. I think you need to think about asking her to leave (permanently). You need to consider a way to be your childrens primary carer - I appreciate work is difficult but I you'll have to find a way. Your wife should have access but that access must be determined by how serious she is about addressing her problems. Perhaps in the future there might be a reunion but at the moment your wife is a liability to both you and your children, she has had numerous opportunities to resolve her problems, numerous offer of help and has spurned them all - and to top it off she is now "talking" again to a man she cheated on you with. Enough I suspect is enough - she needs to realise that you are serious this time.

pearl123

If you want it to work it will work. You need to remember than even though it was your wife that cheated - she would probably feel alot of pain and guilt from what has happened. It is not just about all your pain ! No throwing it back in her face when agruing. If you want to get back together and then give it a go. It will need to be all about forgiveness and building an even better life together.

You do perhaps need to ask her at some point if she felt unloved or unwanted by you, cause this is one of the reasons why a woman might cheat. Build a more nurturing relationship. Also if she was drunk could also be a good reason fperhaps for her first slip of judgement.
Ask yourself some questions. Did you take her for granted? Treat her with respect? Emotionaly support her? Kind to her etc? Were you around or were you always working and did she feel neglected? Told her she look lovely etc. If you didn't then perhaps this is the reason why she found affection elsewhere?
I always think it worth giving it a go with a relationship even if it is to see if it really does not work! Best of luck

Angelic

ssedd wrote: »

IYesterday I found out she has texted the other bloke again last week so looks like I am on my way out again. No explination other then why cant she text friends.

I really am starting to think that she has something wrong with her as she cant see the things shes doing arent normal or ok.

I don't like telling people to end their relationship because it's an easy thing to say when you aren't emotionally involved but I don't think you have any choice . She has cheated and thinks it is ok to still be in contact with the man she had an affair with!
You can blame the drinking but she just sounds selfish and uncaring to me.
Would it be possible to gain custody of the children yourself?

pearl123

Actually, I hadn't noticed that she was still in contact with the other bloke. If she is and won't stop - then she has made her choice - the other man!

fannyanna

I haven't read this whole thread (as there's quite a bit) but here's my two pence....

I was originally going to respond to your initial post to suggest giving your marriage another go and I see that you did move back in etc.

I see from some of your later posts that your wife has a problem with alcohol. I think this problem needs addressing as a priority over any other problems you may have in your marriage (including the infidelity). I say this on the basis that it probably wont be very productive trying to address issues with someone who has a drink problem. You will I'm sure have more success when the drink problem has been reolved (or is improving).

You can give her support but ultimately it will be down to her to deal with this problem. From what you've said it sounds like she doesn't even appreciate she has a problem.

ssedd wrote: »

Yesterday I found out she has texted the other bloke again last week so looks like I am on my way out again. No explination other then why cant she text friends.

In addition if I were in your shoes I would be very hurt by the fact that she is still contacting this other man. You've taken the hard decision that you're going to try and save your marriage. It appears that in return your wife doesn't even have the deceny to cease communications with this other man. For me that would be a clear indication of how much effort she'll be putting into the marriage moving forward.

In fairness I think your wife needs to fix herself before she can effectively work on playing her part (which is essential - a marriage is a partnership which needs effort from both parties) in fixing your marriage.

I really hope that didn't come across too harsh. The sentiment can sometimes be lost in translation in writing. I do wish both you and your wife the best and hope that she can find some help and in turn your relationship improves.

pearl123

Actually who has got the drinking and debt problems? Are they caused by your wife or yourself ? If it is your wife - then she has problems and is causing your relationship some considerable strain. If is your drinking and debt then visa versa ! It would put a great strain on any relationship.

Whatever, you do -you need to "mentally move on" from her being unfaithful.