Less than 12 weeks pregnant club! 2

sexymouse

moneypuddle it's completely normal to have all of those fears. Having a baby is a huge lifestyle change, and combined with the masses of hormonal changes going on in your body, it is completely natural to be going through a rollercoaster of emotions at the moment.

Let's see if we can break your fears down.

How will I cope? As long as you have the support of your OH and your friends and family, I'm sure you'll cope just fine.
Will I be a good mum? What if I’m not? If you are worried about being a good mum, I would say that you will be a good Mum as you're obviously concerned enough to worry about this issue in the first place, which means you care about the effects of your behaviour on your child.
Will we cope financially? Where there is a will, there is a way - as people say, if you wait until you can afford children, you'll never have them. It will obviously mean a lot of adjustments in your spending, but if you start putting little bits of money away now, this will all help for once the baby is born.
How will a baby fit into our day to day routine? How will I juggle work and pregnancy and work and a baby? These are things that you need to sit down with your partner to discuss. Have a look at your incomings and outgoings, and maybe consider going to the citizen's advice bureau to investigate budgetting and to find out if you are entitled to any benefits that could help.
Will this mean I am tied to the house forever? Will I ever be able to go out and see friends? Having a baby is a good chance to widen your social circle - talk to your midwife about attending antenatal classes - apart from learning about the birthing process etc, these are a good way to meet other mothers who are due at around the same time as you. Investigate whether there are any local mother and baby groups. My local library for example, have mother and baby rhyme time sessions that are free.
I’m terrified of telling my boss at work and of how stressful its going to be to train someone new up to take on my job Your boss is not allowed to discriminate against you because you are pregnant. It is up to you how early you decide to tell them, but legally you need to inform them 15 weeks before your due date (it will probably be obvious from the bump anyway). As for training someone up, that is their problem, and not something you should worry about. Your boss will probably appreciate being told a lot earlier than the 15 weeks prior to due date, and you may feel that you would like them to know if you are suffering from bad morning sickness etc, or if you feel that there are aspects of your job that you shouldn't be doing - once you've told them, they have to do a risk assessment that you discuss and both of you sign.
I’m scared of being seen as a ‘mother’ and not an individual or a young woman anymore What about this worries you the most?
I’m scared of feeling cut off once I have the baby and am not going to work each day Do you have any family members or friends who may be able to look after the baby a couple of days a week so that you could work on those days?
I’m scared that my baby won’t like me, and we won’t get on Your baby will love you from the beginning - there of course will be times (probably when they are in their teens) when you may argue, but every relationship has its ups and downs.
I’m nervous that the endless crying will drive me insane It might to a certain extent, but if you do start to feel really down, you should consult with your health visitor, GP or midwife, as you may be suffering from post natal depression.

I hope this hasn't sounded patronising, and has been of some help. I'm sure there are others on here or those who lurk who have more experience than I do, and who can give some advice.

Hugs for you. Make sure you air all of these worries with your OH too - he may be worrying too, and you can both support each other in this.

sexymouse xx

Metranil_Vavin

Hi moneypuddle.

When I got pregnant the first time, I had a complete meltdown.
Like you I had planned it and actively tried to get pregnant, and also like you it happened very quickly.
I started worrying about everything you have listed above.
Then as time went by I got used to the idea, and began to get excited.
I lost the baby at 9 weeks, and devestated doesn't even come close.
I did get pregnant again and went on to have a beautiful son, and although I still had worries and fears, I was so grateful for having another chance I was much more positive.
I'm not going to say that becoming a mum for the first time is a walk in the park (unless you are superhuman!), but it is totally amazing and the hard work is so worth it.
And you will get your life back, you just have to be prepared to maybe give it up for the first few months, but that's no great sacrifice in the great scheme of things.

My son is 13 months now, and I get to go out on nights out as I can leave him with my in laws or a babysitter.

Try not to panic..it'll all work out and be the best thing you ever did

Student_Mrs

moneypuddle wrote: »

Ladies… I’m terrified .. petrified…. just beyond scared today. Please help. Is this normal? I feel in an absolute state of panic and don’t know where to turn.

I’m 26 and I’m 5 weeks and 4 days and I think its just hit me that me that I am going to be having a baby.

I just feel frozen with fear.

How will I cope?
Will I be a good mum? What if I’m not?
Will we cope financially?
How will a baby fit into our day to day routine
How will I juggle work and pregnancy and work and a baby?
Will this mean I am tied to the house forever?
Will I ever be able to go out and see friends?
I’m terrified of telling my boss at work and of how stressful its going to be to train someone new up to take on my job
I’m scared of being seen as a ‘mother’ and not an individual or a young woman anymore
I’m scared of feeling cut off once I have the baby and am not going to work each day
I’m scared that my baby won’t like me, and we won’t get on
I’m nervous that the endless crying will drive me insane

I know this all seems crazy because my OH and I planned our baby but it did come as a real shock that it happened immediately (first or second time) – We were only trying since the start of Jan.

I’ve been to the doctors this morning and they have confirmed my midwife appointment two weeks today. I am so scared, and feeling so sick at the minute that I can’t even put things to the back of my mind.

Since I found out, I have spent maybe one day excited and the rest of the time just terrified, weepy and sick. I don’t think I’m going to cope

This is so normal, from what I have experienced. I know I'm not a mum yet but I am sure that's lots will tell you that this is to be expected. And probably what will make you a good mum!

Our baby is planned but we are younger than you, me 22 and hubby 25, 23 and 26 when baby born if all goes to plan.

Once you get to see your baby, you will realise that you two were created to love this baby unconditionally. Financially, this site will help in getting on top of finances though you seem to be doing fab with baby fund! It didn't hit me until I saw baby as I really thought there was nothing there...

Making sure you're seen as more than a mum will make sure you stay friends with people without kids and that you know yourself who you are.

As Rebekah said, people have done this for thousands of years and that was without internet etc and we all seem to have survived okay

Metranil_Vavin

Also, there is nothing stopping you going back to work.
A lot of my NCT friends went back full time and are really happy with that.
Personally I didn't want to work full time, and quit my job in November as they wanted me back full time in Jan, and wouldn't entertain any kind of part time arrangement.
I have since found a new job, in the same industry working part time 3 days a week. I start in a few weeks and have now settled DS into childcare ready to start.
I therefore in my mind have the best arrangement..I get to work and be an 'adult' for 3 days a week, and then get to spend time with my lovely boy and be 'mummy' for 2 days.

There are so many options out there, don't think you will have to be tied to the house all day, every day.

Oh and I made a load of really fantastic new friends through my ante-natal group, and going along to lots of groups when DS was born. None of my old friends have kids and I was so worried that I would be sat at home all day on my own, but that never happened.

Now our babies are older, the NCT girls all go out every few weeks for girlie nights out and have a great time

fluffnutter

moneypuddle wrote: »

Ladies… I’m terrified .. petrified…. just beyond scared today. Please help. Is this normal? I feel in an absolute state of panic and don’t know where to turn.

I’m 26 and I’m 5 weeks and 4 days and I think its just hit me that me that I am going to be having a baby.

I just feel frozen with fear.

How will I cope?
Will I be a good mum? What if I’m not?
Will we cope financially?
How will a baby fit into our day to day routine
How will I juggle work and pregnancy and work and a baby?
Will this mean I am tied to the house forever?
Will I ever be able to go out and see friends?
I’m terrified of telling my boss at work and of how stressful its going to be to train someone new up to take on my job
I’m scared of being seen as a ‘mother’ and not an individual or a young woman anymore
I’m scared of feeling cut off once I have the baby and am not going to work each day
I’m scared that my baby won’t like me, and we won’t get on
I’m nervous that the endless crying will drive me insane

I know this all seems crazy because my OH and I planned our baby but it did come as a real shock that it happened immediately (first or second time) – We were only trying since the start of Jan.

I’ve been to the doctors this morning and they have confirmed my midwife appointment two weeks today. I am so scared, and feeling so sick at the minute that I can’t even put things to the back of my mind.

Since I found out, I have spent maybe one day excited and the rest of the time just terrified, weepy and sick. I don’t think I’m going to cope

No one tells you you might feel like this! I felt exactly the same. My first few weeks were utterly blighted by panic attacks. And you know what? You don't have to answer a single one of those questions. Just let them come... and go away again. You'll cope, that's all you need to know. I'm nearly 21 weeks now and those questions (which went unanswered) have completely left my head. All I can think about now is how much I can't wait to meet and love my baby.

It's the hormones, trust me. They play havoc with your brain chemistry. In a few weeks you will be fine.

Sa-ra-ra-ra

Hi moneypuddle - another agreement from over here. This was planned, tried for, we had a MC and made a conscious decision to try again - and I'm still panicking about it. I know nothing about babies. I changed my DSS's nappy once when he was about 2, and I think that in my adult life I've held a baby maybe once or twice. If I'm completely honest about it, I would put my hands up and state outright that I am in fact a little bit scared of babies.

BUT... I talked to DH about this and he has been super supportive. And I've been reading books, not just about the pregnancy but the bit when they give you a baby and let you go home with it. I'm still scared, but apparently they're quite resilient and don't remember anything before the age of 3, so hopefully they won't hold my mistakes against me!

We'll be fine. The fact that we care about it enough to worry shows that we'll be fine.

Metranil_Vavin

Babies are hardy little beggars!
You can't break them They do require lots of your attention, but once they get to about 10-11 months, they become more self sufficient and sleep for much longer through the night.
And if you have a supportive OH, life will be so much easier too.

moneypuddle

Thank you so much to everyone who took the time to reply. Honestly you have no idea how supportive you have been and it was so nice to feel like I’m not the only one who is scared. Sexymouse that wasn't patronising at all. MY OH is great but I just dont think he understands, and I needed someone to really set it out for me like that.

I'm not saying I'm not scared anymore, and dont expect these feelings to go away anytime soon as be replaced with elation, but I do feel as though I am being slightly more .... rational now. I think part of the problem is not wanting to offend anyone. We did plan our pregnancy and were super lucky to have fallen pregnant within days of trying and I think its just come as such a shock to me, almost as though we weren't trying at all. I then feel so bad to all the ladies who have been trying for months/years. I feel ungrateful and as though I am being a complete b*tch!

Part of the issue may be that, as sad as it is, I love my job, and I don't want to miss out on stuff that happens whilst I'll be off. I am definitely going back to work after 6 or 9 months (depends how the Baby Fund holds out!) and just hope work can be flexible enough to have me back for 4 days a week rather than 5 to help with childcare. I work in advertising, which I know is not life or death but we have the most complicated database at work, and if someone doesn't look after it well for me whilst I am away, I fear having to sort it all out when I get back. Mistakes can cost £thousands!! But I guess that probably wont be my priority anymore

Haha I had to laugh at my boss ALREADY sending out invites to our xmas party 2012 last week. Not sure I'll make that one this year!

I don't know where I'd be without this board. You're all wonderful :T

Kitten_Pie

I had the same worries last time, I even sat down with OH and a huge spreadsheet. Even had an agenda to work through. Included all my worries financial, living arrangements etc. It gave OH a chance to discuss his fears too, well worth it and this time I know that we can handle anything that is thrown at us.

Hormones have a large impact at this stage and can make you worry unnecessarily.

fluffnutter

moneypuddle wrote: »

We did plan our pregnancy and were super lucky to have fallen pregnant within days of trying and I think its just come as such a shock to me, almost as though we weren't trying at all. I then feel so bad to all the ladies who have been trying for months/years. I feel ungrateful and as though I am being a complete b*tch!

It's always a shock, lovey. I'd been trying for years and finally got pregnant on my third IVF attempt. Makes no difference; I still felt like you feel!

You don't sound ungrateful or a bitch. You just sound confused and anxious, like most newly pregnant women! Honestly, you can't trust your mind at the moment. You might think you can, but you're so influenced by all these crazy hormones and chemicals.

Just try one thing for me: decide that you don't have to answer any questions or work anything out for a few months. When you're 16 weeks pregnant, revisit that list you've written and see how you feel about things then.