Hospice thinks mums taking too long to die and want her out

bluebell13

sassyblue wrote: »

Excuse me? who are you to demand anything?

I'm not going into my personal history but l've dealt with Government funded homes and hospices and the experience wasn't positive. Perhaps I should have said 'may be' target driven not 'are' - l'm surprised given what happened to us that they're not target driven.

Hope that answer meets with your approval. :shocked:

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OP, hope you get this sorted quickly, let us know how you get on. x

I'm struggling to see where I demanded anything of you, and I don't think this response was deserved. There was no need for a personal attack. You made a generalised statement and I asked you why. I'm sorry you've had bad experiences but I stand by my answer. If anyone about to enter a hospice believes that it is target driven then this could produce a lot of anxiety, which is unnecessary.

To the OP, if you require any more assistance feel free to pm me. I won't post again on your thread.

NickyBat

So sorry you are going through this

poet123

dandy-candy wrote: »

My mum is very ill with terminal cancer and was moved into a hospice 3 weeks ago. When she first went in she was so ill we had to stay with her for 24 hours as they thought she might die at any moment. After that time she slightly improved, then got a lot worse and was vomiting blood, then settled a bit, then was unconcious for days, then evened out again. At the moment she is on a morphine driver, is barely able to eat, can't sit up, has to wear nappies, talks nonsense/is delirious half the time and has terrible bed sores that are oozing and agony. Yesterday they put her into a chair to try and do physio and she blacked out, she is so weak she can't even lift her head off the pillow. Today the doctors came around and said that the hospice is only a short term place (2 weeks usually) and so she will have to move into a nursing home. I'm really worried though that the move will kill her. She is happy at the hospice and knows all the nurses and she is the sort who even if she did survive the move to the new home, if it was too much of a change from the hospice her spirits would absolutely sink. I don't know what to do?

This does happen, it happened to me.

I feel for you, this happened to my mother too, under almost identical circumstances.

I refused to let them move her, and without my consent they could not do so. Stand your ground, they will force you to have various meetings with the healthcare team, but drag them out timewise and it will buy you some time.

I was not about to have a dying woman moved by ambulance and then moved again when the nursing home thought they could not cope with the final stages ( which was what they said would have to happen) It was awful, and certainly added to my stress, but better that it added to my stress than to my mothers.

Flatly refuse, get the PCT involved, they have a mediation officer, adn stand up for your rights. Good luck.

floss2

LadyDee wrote: »

Surely the whole purpose of a hospice is for end-of-life care, not an assessment unit...[/I]

No, as Errata has personal experience of, they can provide palliative care and support for those who are not end-of-life.

My mother attended the hospice local to her for over 2 years as a day patient, then a series of spells as an in-patient when her cancer became terminal. She was very close to death of a couple of occasions, and was moved from one room to another, depending upon her needs at the time of admission. She eventually came home to die because that was what she had wanted - she had lost her speech, was virtually immobile, was catheterised, but had immpeccable care from her local District Nurses and Local Authority carers. She travelled in an ambulance and was transferred to an NHS bed in her dining room by 2 very caring ambulancemen just 5 or 6 days before she died of secondary bone & brain cancer.

OP - Have you asked about the Liverpool Pathway plan for your mother? This is a plan which is agreed with Dr's, Nurses, carers, family for the final days of a person's life. It is a difficult time, but it does help to find out what to expect.

gratefulforhelp_2

Hugs for this difficult situation.

MIL died very recently and we couldn't get her in a hospice, no beds. She died at home, but it was not what she wished for.

As I understand it, different hospices have different approaches to respite care and so on. God Bless.

Nicki

gratefulforhelp wrote: »

Hugs for this difficult situation.

MIL died very recently and we couldn't get her in a hospice, no beds. She died at home, but it was not what she wished for.

As I understand it, different hospices have different approaches to respite care and so on. God Bless.

That must have been very difficult for you all.

To be honest that was what was going through my mind as I read this thread, great though my sympathy is for the OP. I have a couple of friends whose parents both sadly died of cancer. Both were called on several occasions to be told the parent was 24 hours away from the end, when in fact the parent lived on for a few more months, albeit terribly ill. But while a terribly ill patient is in the hospice rather than a nursing home, another patient is being denied the care the hospice can give. So I can see why they need to move people after a while if their condition rallies a bit. That being said there does need to be some element of discretion to apply the rules and compassion for the patient and their family in supporting them to find a suitable alternative setting.

hcb42

Macmillan Nurses are fantastic, imho

I actually called into a local hospice about four days before my father died (he was in local hospital, and at that stage we were just not sure what was the best thing to do, or how near or far he was, he had only been in one week). THe hospice were great with me, I was obviously emotional but they did gently explain what they offered and how it worked with hospice care. Four days later we had appt with Macmillan nurse and hospital doctors, and she was fantastic, by this stage he had deteriorated terribly and it was difficult (I had never been in that position before, Mum had died yr before, but it was sudden and I wasnt there). He died that night, but the nurse was invaluable for her support. THey will do the right thing, have faith but stand firm.

It's such a difficult time, I hope you have plenty of support x