Hospice thinks mums taking too long to die and want her out

thorsoak

Would it be possible for her to be nursed at home? I ask this because this is what we did with my OH - a week before Christmas when it was obvious that it was only a matter of time, I TOLD the medical staff that - with our without their agreement, he was coming home. When they realised that I was adamant about this point, and had spoken to Macmillan Nurses and our own doctor, the wheels were set in motion, and within 34 hours, we had a proper lifting bed - with air mattress, commode etc delivered home and set up - and a care package in place. We had two carers calling in twice a day, the district nurse called daily to deal with his medication - through the driver - and between us, we kept him home, happy (even got Sky sports set up) and he was home with us - though he weighed very little and was very weak. We'd just about got to the stage of probably needing the help of Marie Cure Nurses at night when he said "enough is enough" - and died that evening, holding my hand. Very peacefully and gently.

I cannot speak highly enough of the support that we received from the District Nurses, our doctor - who called in almost every other day - the Macmillan Nurse who sorted out and tweaked the medication to keep him comfortable (without having to resort to the morphine) - and that support is on-going - the District Nurse called round to check on me today.

OP - it might be worth enquiring if this could be a possibility for your mum - it was hard work for me, but it was the last thing I could do for him.

dandy-candy

Thank you for all the response so far. It isn't respite care, she did go in for respite in October then came home again. From the end of December she had a live in carer at home but then she got so ill that the carer couldn't cope and the district nurse said she needed to be in the hospice. I was quite surprised when I heard that they only take them for the last couple of weeks but tbh when she went in she was so bad that didn't seem to matter anyway. The thing is she isn't back to where she was before she went in if you see what I mean. She has levelled out again but is very weak. The nursing home is still in the same borough but not on the same site.

runnerbean17

We looked at 3 different nursing homes that had palliative care beds although I must say those 3 nursing homes varied greatly. A hospice was never mentioned to us. My Dad was put there because basically there were no hospital beds available and it was classed as continuity in healthcare. To put it bluntly he would have been re-assessd after 6 weeks if he had still been alive but what they would have done then I have no idea.

Mojisola

This must vary with the hospices. We've had just a relative die in the hospice over a month after he was taken in. The care was superlative and I can't imagine any care home would have been able to do what the specialist nurses did for him. I would have been appalled if they had suggested moving him elsewhere.

McKneff

no-oneknowsme wrote: »

McKneff - this is the title of the OP's post.....



maybe this is why the poster made the comment that she did !

But they didnt actually say it, the oP is the one who has interpreted it in that way.

But I agree with the OP that it is wrong that they move this lady when she is so ill.

loulou123

meritaten wrote: »

I am not sure a nursing home would be equipped to deal with your mum - in my experience the nursing homes generally move terminal patients to hospital or hospices.
QUOTE]

I agree that it is not right to move people in their last days also, but i work in a nursing home and we do have people come in who are in their last weeks etc, and in my home it is very rare for someone terminal to go into hospital/hospices in their final days (unless this is the patients/patients families wishes) and all the staff do everything we can to make their last days as comfortable and dignafied as we can.

Just wanted to post this, to try and help a little if the decision is made to move your mum into a nursing home.

soupdragon10

My late mother was moved from hospital back to the nursing home where she had lived for two years to be cared for by the staff who knew her best. They were very caring and supportive, and she recieved much more individual attention than she did in hospital where she was in a side room largely ignored.

We were lucky that moving her from hospital didn't exacerbate her condition. In the case of the OP it does seem that moving the mother would cause her unnecessary suffering at a time when she (and her family), should be able to spend time together without added stress.

meritaten

loulou123 wrote: »

meritaten wrote: »

I am not sure a nursing home would be equipped to deal with your mum - in my experience the nursing homes generally move terminal patients to hospital or hospices.
QUOTE]

I agree that it is not right to move people in their last days also, but i work in a nursing home and we do have people come in who are in their last weeks etc, and in my home it is very rare for someone terminal to go into hospital/hospices in their final days (unless this is the patients/patients families wishes) and all the staff do everything we can to make their last days as comfortable and dignafied as we can.

Just wanted to post this, to try and help a little if the decision is made to move your mum into a nursing home.

so sorry, I didnt mean to sound as if I thought nursing homes cant cope with terminal patients! of course they do! but, I was actually thinking about this poor ladies experience, as it made her so ill to be moved to the hospice, at this stage moving her again to my mind would be wrong.
when my MIL was dying we went to the hospital to see her and she really wanted to go home. I spoke to the ward sister and she told me that
1 we werent next of kin so couldnt take responsibility
2 and this very gently - that at that stage my MIL wouldnt survive the journey home.
She did actually die that night.
this thread is upsetting me - I cannot understand a hospice having a two week rule! I cant get my head around it - I saw my FIL linger for weeks and MIL rallied a few times and lived weeks longer than the doctors predicted, while she was at home that is - she lasted less than a week in hospital.

Soundgirlrocks

Hi dandy candy, I'm so sorry for what you’re going through. My Dad has just been told that there isn't a chance of recovery from his cancer. We aren't at the hospice stage yet, but your posts have got me thinking. All I can suggest is that you stand your ground, we have had to fight to get my dad diagnosed ( 4 months of him being very ill lots of scans and being sent home in agony, told there was nothing there before they found the cancer) I hate to say it but there is so much pressure on the NHS, sometime you have to make your point firmly but politely. It was only when my stepmum refused to take him home again that they agreed too surgery which is when they found it.

I hope they see it is idiotic to move your mum, and her final days are as peaceful as possible.

iwannanicerlife

When my dad was dying we were in similar circumstances. The hospice only had a limited number of beds available and we were told as we approached two weeks that he would need to move somewhere else.

In our case, by the time we had my mum's home assessed by social services to see if he could go there (he couldn't) and investigated care homes locally, he had detoriated further and it was decided that he could stay.

I feel for you OP, but hospices do an amazing job with very limited funds and hard as it may be, I can see that demand for places must be very high.

Thinking of you at this difficult time x