Hospice thinks mums taking too long to die and want her out

nigem

They wont kick her out. In my mothers case they asked us to find a nursing home, as she had been in the hospice for more than 2 weeks. One nurse said just take time and find the right one. We did, it took a few weeks, and she died 3 days after the move. We were happy with the chosen home, and who knows if the move hastened her death, but she wasnt going to live much longer either way.
Just dont feel rushed.

janeawej

I was told my mum was dying by the hospital on the weds, I kicked up such a fuss and got everyone (except the hospital) on my side to bring her home to us, was told it ould take a wek, but battled on, she came home on the thursday evening at 9pm, by that time I had all the equipment ready and a care pcakage in place, thank goodness I did because she died at home with us as she wanted to on the sunday night at 11.30pm, once home despite the pain she was so much happier and was able to eat a little and smile even though she was very disorientated. I am glad I did this, you will need to battle to get what you want for her whatever it is if its not what the 'authorities' want, but it will be worth it for her to die in peace and you to be at peace with yourself. x

sassyblue

Haven't read all replies so sorry if l've missed something.

First ask for a meeting (and take a 'witness') ask what their problems are, listen to them and put your side across but if they refuse to budge then let them politely know you'll call the media because they are being cruel in your mums condition, it is a fact that she doesn't have long to live so why can't she stay?

Is this a Government funded hospice? l ask because they are target driven - then the title of your thread would be correct, your mum is taking too long to die for their criteria.

bluebell13

sassyblue wrote: »

Haven't read all replies so sorry if l've missed something.


Is this a Government funded hospice? l ask because they are target driven - then the title of your thread would be correct, your mum is taking too long to die for their criteria.

Actually that's incorrect, and I'd be interested to know what eveidence you have to support the statement. I work in an NHS hospice Unit, and we are most certainly not target driven. Figures on the number of admissions/length of stay are gathered but that is to do with estimating future budgets and is the case with all NHS wards. I don't think that suggesting that the hospice thinks she is taking too long to die is helping the OP.

OP - most hospice/palliative care Units have a 2 week assessment period for patients. It has to be like this or else no-one would ever leave even if they potentially had months left, and there would be no beds available for patients needing end of life care. They are not handling your mum's situation well and it sounds as if she has many needs. As other posters have said ask for a meeting with the consultant and team repsonsible for her care, and voice your concerns. It's worth noting that they cannot force you to move her so take your time, and if her condition changes in any way then ask for a review. They won't make her leave if she becomes really poorly.

I'm sure this is heartbreaking for you, and as another poster suggested then taking a friend who is slightly removed from the emotion of the situation would be a good idea because they can ask the questions if you become upset.

sjc3

dandy-candy wrote: »

My mum is very ill with terminal cancer and was moved into a hospice 3 weeks ago. When she first went in she was so ill we had to stay with her for 24 hours as they thought she might die at any moment. After that time she slightly improved, then got a lot worse and was vomiting blood, then settled a bit, then was unconcious for days, then evened out again. At the moment she is on a morphine driver, is barely able to eat, can't sit up, has to wear nappies, talks nonsense/is delirious half the time and has terrible bed sores that are oozing and agony. Yesterday they put her into a chair to try and do physio and she blacked out, she is so weak she can't even lift her head off the pillow. Today the doctors came around and said that the hospice is only a short term place (2 weeks usually) and so she will have to move into a nursing home. I'm really worried though that the move will kill her. She is happy at the hospice and knows all the nurses and she is the sort who even if she did survive the move to the new home, if it was too much of a change from the hospice her spirits would absolutely sink. I don't know what to do?

Firstly I am so sorry you are suffering all this worry. What came to mind as I read your post is would a nursing home be able to provide the level of care that your mum so obviously needs. I can understand your concerns that moving her would not be in her best interests at all. Is there anyone you can speak to at the hospice? Are you all in contact with Macmillan nurses. Maybe they could talk to someone on your behalf.

LadyDee

Surely the whole purpose of a hospice is for end-of-life care, not an assessment unit. In my general experience when one hears of a person being admitted to a hospice it is because they need the specialist care available to ensure their remaining time is spent in as much comfort and with as much dignity as possible.

From the Help the Hospices website: A hospice is not just a building, it is a way of caring for people. Hospice care aims to improve the lives of people whose illness may not be curable. It helps people to live as actively as possible after diagnosis to the end of their lives, however long that may be. The highest value is put on respect and choice.

Hospices not only take care of people's physical needs, they consider their emotional, spiritual and social needs too. And they support families and close friends, both during the illness and in bereavement.

Jussy

"Hospice care aims to improve the lives of people whose illness may not be curable. It helps people to live as actively as possible after diagnosis to the end of their lives, however long that may be."

But not necessarily as an in-patient. Hospices provide symptom control for in-patients, but are not necessarily where their end-of-life care takes place.

Errata

Jussy is correct. I attend a Hospice for the management of one of the side effects of my surgery/chemo/radiotherapy. I'm nowhere near the end of my life. Well, that's my plan anyway

sassyblue

bluebell13 wrote: »

Actually that's incorrect, and I'd be interested to know what eveidence you have to support the statement.

Excuse me? who are you to demand anything?

I'm not going into my personal history but l've dealt with Government funded homes and hospices and the experience wasn't positive. Perhaps I should have said 'may be' target driven not 'are' - l'm surprised given what happened to us that they're not target driven.

Hope that answer meets with your approval. :shocked:

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OP, hope you get this sorted quickly, let us know how you get on. x

Pigletto

sassyblue wrote: »

Excuse me? who are you to demand anything?

I'm not going into my personal history but l've dealt with Government funded homes and hospices and the experience wasn't positive. Perhaps I should have said 'may be' target driven not 'are' - l'm surprised given what happened to us that they're not target driven.

Hope that answer meets with your approval. :shocked:

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OP, hope you get this sorted quickly, let us know how you get on. x

But Bluebell13 did not demand anything. Nowhere in their post did they use the word demand they just said they would be interested in knowing where you got your information from. So who are you to put words in other people's mouths?

Dandy-Candy - I think you need to get together all the questions and concerns you have and approach the staff at the hospice to discuss these.

One of my cousins lost both her parents within a couple of years of each other and had to deal with hospitals, hospices and home care. She found it easier to take someone with her when she was discussing things about her parents care and situation as she found that she would often not really take things in or forget to ask questions due to the emotions involved.