Hospice thinks mums taking too long to die and want her out

dandy-candy

My mum is very ill with terminal cancer and was moved into a hospice 3 weeks ago. When she first went in she was so ill we had to stay with her for 24 hours as they thought she might die at any moment. After that time she slightly improved, then got a lot worse and was vomiting blood, then settled a bit, then was unconcious for days, then evened out again. At the moment she is on a morphine driver, is barely able to eat, can't sit up, has to wear nappies, talks nonsense/is delirious half the time and has terrible bed sores that are oozing and agony. Yesterday they put her into a chair to try and do physio and she blacked out, she is so weak she can't even lift her head off the pillow. Today the doctors came around and said that the hospice is only a short term place (2 weeks usually) and so she will have to move into a nursing home. I'm really worried though that the move will kill her. She is happy at the hospice and knows all the nurses and she is the sort who even if she did survive the move to the new home, if it was too much of a change from the hospice her spirits would absolutely sink. I don't know what to do?

karen24_2

Sorry I can't make any suggestions, I just feel so sad that they could say that someone so ill is taking too long to die after being in a hospice for three weeks. I hope someone will come along soon and give you some helpful advice.

Person_one

If the hospice is usually for short term patients it might be that they just aren't equipped for longer stays (special mattresses for the pressure sores, dietitian support if she can't eat etc.)

Can you arrange a meeting with your mother's doctors and nurses to try and discuss the best way forward? I'm sure they won't want to do anything that might make her situation worse, but you all need to be on the same page.

I really feel for you, it must be awful to see your mum suffering like that.

McKneff

karen24 wrote: »

Sorry I can't make any suggestions, I just feel so sad that they could say that someone so ill is taking too long to die after being in a hospice for three weeks. I hope someone will come along soon and give you some helpful advice.

They didn't

Whilst I sympathise greatly with the OP and her mum being so ill but they did not say mum is taking too long to die, they said the hospice is only a short term place.
No professional person would say this and the op is interpreting this in her own way and is very very unfair.

'This is only a short term stay place' is not 'your mum is taking too long to die'

no-oneknowsme

McKneff - this is the title of the OP's post.....

Hospice thinks mums taking too long to die and want her out

maybe this is why the poster made the comment that she did !

dandy-candy

McKneff wrote: »

They didn't

Whilst I sympathise greatly with the OP and her mum being so ill but they did not say mum is taking too long to die, they said the hospice is only a short term place.
No professional person would say this and the op is interpreting this in her own way and is very very unfair.

'This is only a short term stay place' is not 'your mum is taking too long to die'

But the hospice said it would take her because she is dying and she is. She is under 6 stone and can barely eat or drink. When I sit with her she is coughing up phlem and talking to my children and her friends except they aren't even in the room. The nurses have told me that people at this stage won't last a month, but the doctors have an acceptable timescale that she has exceeded. So yes she is taking too long in their eyes.

pinkclouds

I do feel really sorry for you, OP. Please god, it'll be some years yet before I'm in the same position.

However, and I realise this will sound very blunt and unfeeling, your beloved mom is terminal and it will only be a very short period of time that she is still with you. Whether it is a nursing home or this hospice, nothing will really change. The precise location will not be the cause.

dandy-candy

I know the end is coming anyway but its the moving i'm worried about. The day she arrived in the hospice she was driven there in an ambulance and it was the first time she had left her bed in a month. Upon arrival she was in terrible pain and the tumour in her stomach began bleeding heavily and she was vomiting blood all night which is why they thought she would die. When she doesn't move about the tumour doesn't seem to bleed, and now she is far more frail than when she first arrived. I'm worried the moving and driving her will start it bleeding again and I can't bear to watch her suffer like that again.

runnerbean17

I've been through something very similar myself only a few weeks ago. My Dad was in hospital and dying. He had a bed where we could visit any time for as long as we liked, then he moved wards, then again. He was placed on a ward with only two 1-hour visiting slots a day - this for someone who is dying. I know how hard it is - my Dad was given a few days - they got a specialist to travel up to check there was no mistake because he was still alive. He thankfully was moved to a nursing home where he died peacefully in bed but this was after almost a month when he was given only a few days. It is so difficult in so many ways, do you have a Macmillan nurse you can talk to? Ours was really helpful. The location might not be the cause as pinkclouds put it but I know i'm happy my Dad reached the nursing home. Thinking of you xx

no-oneknowsme

Must be such a difficult time for you dandy-candy. Im so sorry for what you are going through.

My mum is recovering from breast cancer so i understand what you must be going through.

meritaten

I know what dandy-candy means - to transport patients at this stage of the illness is wrong! It may well hasten the patients end and I am sure they dont want to do that? did they mean to move her to another ward or floor? I am not sure a nursing home would be equipped to deal with your mum - in my experience the nursing homes generally move terminal patients to hospital or hospices.
Surely, hospices cannot be sure that a patient will die within a fortnight? or is this meant to be a respite care centre? a true hospice is for patients with terminal illness, however long that takes?