Friends want us to RSVP 6 months before big day!

shellsuit

moonbeam2007 wrote: »

Why is it rude or cheeky?? they put 'IF' not 'you have to' their saying IF you wanted to [which any decent person does buy something] I'd rather they got something they wanted than spend a load of money on something that would never be used.

I just don't like people asking for gifts at all, full stop.

I received an invite with a gift list, but I ignored it and put cash in their card.

I don't like being told what to do with my money because it's rude.

If however I ask someone what they would like and they say, cash, voucher, a kettle, a bath towel etc, then that's fine because I've asked, but for someone to TELL me what they suggest we buy/give them, is a big No in my eyes.

I don't like gift lists and I don't like poems in cards either.

My husband received an invite for him, me and our little one to go to his friends wedding late 2009. I was miffed because I have 2 other children too but they weren't included on the invite. (I've been with hubby for 8 years) I bit my tongue until I saw the little poem requesting money because they were already living together, so that was it, we didn't go to the wedding at all.

Don't insult us by inviting us to your wedding, and asking us for cash, when you don't even know the members of our family. (Not you personally, but you know what I mean)

mistyw1973

I'm always just very happy to recieve a wedding invite, and always honoured that I am thought enough of by the couple to be invited to spend their special day with them...life's too short to waste time disecting "why" it was sent out so early, "why" they have phrased things in a certain way, as you can be sure that you will never please everyone regardless of what you put. Surely you either want to go or you don't ?? Life will do whatever it wants in the next 9 months, but I'm sure if your life dramatically changes in the next 9 months the Bride and Groom would fully understand why you can't be there...however it does sound like you are probably not too fussed either way, so just let them invite someone who really wants to be there

Dekazer

mistyw1973 wrote: »

SNIP "let them invite someone who really wants to be there "

That reminded me of this week's ethical dilemma - late invites/invite upgrades.

Surely if the OP replies Yes now, and then can't come, they'd be able to upgrade someone anyone, so they wouldn't have wasted a space/money.

Toothfairy4

With regards the earlyness of the invitation I can wee shy they've done it, as around this time of year people start to book their summer holidays, although a save the date card might have been better just to let people know the date. Doubt the venue needs to know numbers this early.

As for the bit on the end about the money, I think it's very cheeky. It sounds very presumptuous although I personally don't think people should ask for mention gifts at all, only if someone asks about it. Also not a fan of the poems people put either, just another way of asking for gifts!

FlowerPower

I've never had an invitation without a gift list or request for a contribution of some kind. So I've put one in mine as it seemed the normal thing to do... After reading all these people who get so offended at such things, I very much regret it.
Hopefully my guests will not be so easily offended and will see it as it's intended - It's most important to me that they're there as part of the day, and if they want to offer us some sort of gift, they'll know how to. The thought that people might refuse to attend because of it just sounds unbelievable.

I'm sure the couple in question would be mortified to know they have caused any sort of upset.

Ive_A_Horse_Outside

Hi all. Can anyone give me some pointers please.

Gettin married next year on 1st June 2012. We were thinking of sending out invites around this time next year and asking for RSVP's in March. Is this unrealistic? It could be a very popular weekend for holidays as there is a double bank holiday you see and people may have other plans so that is why we want to send them out early...

We are paying for the wedding entirely ourselves so just trying to save as much as we can, where we can i.e. by not sending out save the dates but sending the invites early.

Also we would really appreciate money gifts (who wouldn't) but is there a tactful way to mention this or is it something best left alone?

Thanks

JC9297

FlowerPower wrote: »

I've never had an invitation without a gift list or request for a contribution of some kind. So I've put one in mine as it seemed the normal thing to do... After reading all these people who get so offended at such things, I very much regret it.
Hopefully my guests will not be so easily offended and will see it as it's intended - It's most important to me that they're there as part of the day, and if they want to offer us some sort of gift, they'll know how to. The thought that people might refuse to attend because of it just sounds unbelievable.

I'm sure the couple in question would be mortified to know they have caused any sort of upset.

I'm assuming you along with most others replying are quite young as many of you are planning your own weddings/recently married. Gift lists are relatively recent and a lot of older people don't like them, although most now accept them as the norm. I think asking for money, especially offering bank details, will be considered a step too far and very rude by a lot of people of older generations.

About sending out early invitations to avoid people booking summer holidays etc., except for close family or friends whose wedding I really wouldn't want to miss, I would not plan my summer around someone's wedding just because they sent out their invitations nine months in advance. I think sometimes people forget that whilst it may be their most important day, it isn't everyone elses.

shellsuit

FlowerPower wrote: »

I've never had an invitation without a gift list or request for a contribution of some kind. So I've put one in mine as it seemed the normal thing to do... After reading all these people who get so offended at such things, I very much regret it.
Hopefully my guests will not be so easily offended and will see it as it's intended - It's most important to me that they're there as part of the day, and if they want to offer us some sort of gift, they'll know how to. The thought that people might refuse to attend because of it just sounds unbelievable.

I'm sure the couple in question would be mortified to know they have caused any sort of upset.

Is some of your post directed at what I posted? (Apologies if not, it's just I can't see anyone else who has said something you have mentioned)

The friend of my husband who I was talking about, I've never met. Me and my husband have been together since 2002.

The couple had already got married abroad, this was a big evening bash at a zoo so it wasn't like we would be missing the ceremony anyway.

It did upset me, because we, as in the 5 of us, are a family.

I think my husbands friend or his wife must had looked at my husbands facebook page and saw a few pictures of the baby, so knew we had a baby, but they didn't look hard enough to see the hundreds of photos of the 4 of us (before baby arrived)!

It was an insult to ask us to go to their reception, not invite 2 of the children and think nothing of popping a cutesy little poem requesting cash as a gift.

My husband did send a message to them to decline the invitation as we didn't have anyone to watch the other children (hint hint!) but he didn't hear anything back from them until about 3 weeks after the reception where they said 'oh you should have brought them with you anyway!'

I'm not going to take the children somewhere they haven't been invited, to have the hosts think "who the hell are these?".

When we got married last year, I invited the whole of my family and with some of my cousins, I hadn't seen them for a few years so wasn't sure of all their partners and children's names. Their invites were all to Bob, Sue and Family, or just Bob and family, that way, nobody was going to get left out.

ncv2

Wow!

It's way to early. So many things can change in 9 months! My overseas RSVPs are due 2 months before the wedding and I feel bad about that.
As for the gift thing, gifts should never be mentioned on an invite period. Bank details, you have to be kidding me!

I don't think I would go to this wedding.

FlowerPower

Shellsuit - no it wasn't directed at you. It does seem rude/thoughtless of them to miss some of your children out! I've heard some people specifically don't invite children at all - but to invite one but not the other two?!

It just made me aware when reading through that people can get upset enough to not go to the wedding because of the gift list/cash request, and I was horrified at the thought that I might have inadvertently caused such a reaction from my guests too... I really hope not, as that's the last thing I'd want. It just didn't occur to me that people might be offended by it - I just thought gift lists were normal. If I could redo them, I think I'd take out the gift list bit now