Friends want us to RSVP 6 months before big day!

moonbeam2007

amy_forster wrote: »

I'm not sure it really is that early tbh. We get married in June (25th) and have just sent out the day invitations with a date on them of the end of feb. We'll then post the evening invitations out once we're got them written out. We're hoping that by doing things now it gives us chance to get things sorted & out of the way so we can enjoy the planning process instead of stressing when we don't have rsvp's a month before the wedding!

As for the bank details, I don't think its worded particularly well but I don't think its that unusual. We have included an insert in our invitations that has a poem on explaining that we're not expecting a gift but if people do want to give something, the money would be much appreciated as we've lived together so long & the main things we'd like are big items! :-) Although we do have a gift list for those who want to give a physical something as opposed to cash.

I agree, we put a poem in ours [I think from confetti.com] and it was worded nice. I think this 'may' not have been worded great but it's not rude at all.

csh_2

I think its too early. I think it may well come back and bite them on the as$ too. We put our Save the dates out in July when we booked venue and done our day guest list and since then (to now-invitation time) we've had 3 relationship break ups! We've also had pregnancies that are due around the same time as the wedding so those people may not be able to come either. If they'd RSVP'd six months before the wedding they'd be ringing me now saying they couldn't come.

As for cash gifts I don't think asking for cash or vouchers towards something is cheeky but I don't think offering bank details is the right way to go about it...


eta: is it 'friends' from a big group of friends? Will a lot of your guests be the same people? Maybe she just wants to get in there first?

kerri_gt

[QUOTE=amy_forster;40774340}

As for the bank details, I don't think its worded particularly well but I don't think its that unusual. We have included an insert in our invitations that has a poem on explaining that we're not expecting a gift but if people do want to give something, the money would be much appreciated as we've lived together so long & the main things we'd like are big items! :-) Although we do have a gift list for those who want to give a physical something as opposed to cash.[/QUOTE]

We did a very similar thing - we got married on the Channel Islands and had already been living together for a number of years, so put a poem asking people if they wanted to give a gift, then we'd like/prefer/appreciate either money/cheque or John Lewis vouchers if people felt uncomfortable giving money. It also meant people didn't have to lug gifts with them (and we didn't have to worry about getting them all home).

A lot of people do ask for money in a roundabout way - by means of asking for a donation towards their honeymoon etc. Personally I am more than happy to do that rather than try and pick something off a gift list, or worry about what to get them.

I don't think Sept is too early to send out invites - granted it's sooner than some, but if you don't know what you're doing i/e don't already have something planned, then it isn't really an issue to put that in the diary is it? assuming you want to go to the wedding. Then just book the day off asap - if you can't book that day yet at work, I assume no one else can either.

Saying you don't want to commit so far in advance sounds like you are waiting to see if something better comes up instead tbh.

LaurensMummy

We would like money or vouchers for our wedding, but we felt a bit cheeky asking for it on the invite!. If people ask us then we will say what we would like, but to be honest just for all our family and friends to come would be enough for us!

Charliezoo

kerri_gt wrote: »

Saying you don't want to commit so far in advance sounds like you are waiting to see if something better comes up instead tbh.

No it certainly isn't a case of that, its just that a lot can change in 9 months (we're trying for a baby) and I hate the idea of having to let the couple down closer to the date when they've finalised numbers and paid deposits.

I have no issue with the couple requesting money, I was just a bit surprised that they decided to actually mention bank details in the invitation. I think there are more tactful ways of asking for gifts.

Tiara_2

The bit about the bank details did make me cringe a bit! I agree it has not been worded very well, they could have been a bit more tactful about it.

It seems very early to be sending out the invites to me, in your shoes I would simply say you will have to let them know nearer to the time as you can't book the time off work until July.

emsbet

I think you should just say it's a yes for now but work will not allow you to book leave so far in advance so please be aware that you may not be able to get the time off.

I think six months is very premature, like others and yourself have said a lot can change in six months, plus people are likely to lose the invite etc and get dates/times mixed up. Some friends of ours sent their invites out seven months before their wedding this summer with an RSVP six months prior. I thought at the time that it was a bit early - we sent ours out in December for our wedding at the end of March and probably would have waited until January if the venue hadn't wanted to know numbers staying overnight so they could release the rest of the rooms to the public.

xx

WastingMyTime

I don’t see the problem of receiving an invite early. It’s just a little unconventional.
At the end of March, you could say on the reply card that your acceptance is conditional to getting time off work and the earliest date that you will be able to know is July. Then follow it up with them.
"we will provide a letter box on the day if you wish to deposit any cards with gifts, alternatively we can supply our bank details if preferred." Again, a little unconventional but they have been polite. Suggests that they are providing options to make it easier to accommodate our Modern Life style. However, I do have a personal gripe of brides not thanking me for their gift so I would put on the tag - please acknowledge receipt of the gift. It’s a little unconventional too.
I would urge you to just take a step back. Brides/grooms don’t mean to offend. Just go with the flow and enjoy the celebration.
Good luck with yours and wish you happy marriage.

becca0417

I think it's personal, they may well want to be organised and plan their budget accordingly? I know it will make a big difference to us if we have a couple of people not attending in the day. Or maybe they just thought why wait?!

Dekazer

I can see the temptation to get invites out ASAP once you've booked the venue. It reduces the risk that important guests will have booked something else. It also means you don't have to pay for double the postage by sending out save the date reminders AND invitations.

Also, if you're getting married in school holidays or in peak wedding season, it's good to let people know early so they can try to avoid double booking.

On the other hand the points about booking annual leave, having babies etc are valid. Perhaps the problem was that the OP's friends had such an early RSVP date. I agree with others that a tentative reply (with a polite letter in your card) would be best. Or telephone them and have a chat about it.

Finally, I think it's helpful to let people know where and when the wedding is more than 3 months in advance - travel is cheapest 3 months in advance and hotel deals come up from time to time. It annoys me when I get invites for things at 2 months' notice only to find that trains and hotels are more expensive than they might have been...