Friends want us to RSVP 6 months before big day!

Charliezoo

Is it just me or is that extremely early?

We are sending our own wedding invitations out 3 months before the day which I think is quite early. However we were surprised to get an invite for a friend's wedding this weekend which is on 10th Sept 2011, I personally think 9 months before is way to early to be sending out invitations! The invite stated that we must RSVP by the end of March:eek:

I don't want to seem ungrateful but I would much rather let them know for certain a couple of months before the date as we don't want to have to commit to anything quite so far in advance and I can't even apply for the weekend off work until July.

We would like to attend but I am tempted to just say no now as there could be a risk of us having to let them down closer to the day.

On another note I feel quite uncomfortable by the wording regarding the wedding gift -

"we will provide a letter box on the day if you wish to deposit any cards with gifts, alternatively we can supply our bank details if preferred."

What does everyone else think of this?

laura2481

That does seem a bit early for the RSVP, but maybe they don't know how early it is! Perhaps have a word with them about the situation with booking leave from work- saying you do want to attend but can't actually know for certain until you can book the time off...

And as for the note about the cards and bank details- that does sound a little presumptuous. We will have a post box for people to but cards in (some of which may or may not contain vouchers etc) but we haven't shouted about it on the invites- and though we have mentioned that a gift list exists we have asked people to ask for it if they want to get a gift- rather than including it and assuming everyone will get us a gift. And the only reason we've said anything is because a lot of people have asked what we want...

shellsuit

Charliezoo wrote: »

Is it just me or is that extremely early?

We are sending our own wedding invitations out 3 months before the day which I think is quite early. However we were surprised to get an invite for a friend's wedding this weekend which is on 10th Sept 2011, I personally think 9 months before is way to early to be sending out invitations! The invite stated that we must RSVP by the end of March:eek:

I don't want to seem ungrateful but I would much rather let them know for certain a couple of months before the date as we don't want to have to commit to anything quite so far in advance and I can't even apply for the weekend off work until July.

We would like to attend but I am tempted to just say no now as there could be a risk of us having to let them down closer to the day.

On another note I feel quite uncomfortable by the wording regarding the wedding gift -

"we will provide a letter box on the day if you wish to deposit any cards with gifts, alternatively we can supply our bank details if preferred."

What does everyone else think of this?

I'd talk to them and explain that it is just too early to commit with you not being able to book any holidays until July.

As for the bank details bit...omg if I saw that on an invite, I'd either have to say something to them, or not go to the wedding.

That is so rude and cheeky it is unbelievable!!

sammy_wheeler

yeh i feel it is a little early- even the venue i assume wouldnt need that much notice

re the wording on the gifts- that is worded wrong!

are they good friends?- how well do you know them?

FlowerPower

The wording isn't that bad is it? It says "if" you wish to deposit any cards with gifts. If you don't want to, don't.
Bank details, true, it's unusual to see (although I did get one invite like that as well, to contribute to their house deposit) - but we live in an age where people do electronic transfers all the time, cheques are bordering on obsolete now... so they are just suggesting an easier option if anyone does want to give them a cash gift.

Charliezoo

I'm glad its not just me that thinks that the whole bank detail thing is inappropriate. We'd really like DIY vouchers as wedding gifts to install a much needed new bathroom but I still feel really embarrased and cheeky asking for them, I wouldn't dream of giving bank details!

moonbeam2007

Charliezoo wrote: »

Is it just me or is that extremely early?

We are sending our own wedding invitations out 3 months before the day which I think is quite early. However we were surprised to get an invite for a friend's wedding this weekend which is on 10th Sept 2011, I personally think 9 months before is way to early to be sending out invitations! The invite stated that we must RSVP by the end of March:eek:

I don't want to seem ungrateful but I would much rather let them know for certain a couple of months before the date as we don't want to have to commit to anything quite so far in advance and I can't even apply for the weekend off work until July.

We would like to attend but I am tempted to just say no now as there could be a risk of us having to let them down closer to the day.

On another note I feel quite uncomfortable by the wording regarding the wedding gift -

"we will provide a letter box on the day if you wish to deposit any cards with gifts, alternatively we can supply our bank details if preferred."

What does everyone else think of this?

I think each to their own, it's their wedding their big day and no two are the same. We all think and feel differently and you can't please everyone. Some people are open regarding gifts and others are not, neither are wrong but again it's down to what they want. And so it should be it's their day.

wammy77

I don't think it's that early TBH - altough most people send out a 'keep the date' card or note to confirm that's when the wedding will be.

Depending on the venue they may need to confirm numbers... some venues will give good discounts and extras when events are confirmed and paid for well in advance, maybe they need to know for this reason?

Why not just reply with a yes and put a note in to let them know that if you are unable to get the date off work you will let them know immediately?

moonbeam2007

shellsuit wrote: »

I'd talk to them and explain that it is just too early to commit with you not being able to book any holidays until July.

As for the bank details bit...omg if I saw that on an invite, I'd either have to say something to them, or not go to the wedding.

That is so rude and cheeky it is unbelievable!!

Why is it rude or cheeky?? they put 'IF' not 'you have to' their saying IF you wanted to [which any decent person does buy something] I'd rather they got something they wanted than spend a load of money on something that would never be used.

mrs_B_5

I'm not sure it really is that early tbh. We get married in June (25th) and have just sent out the day invitations with a date on them of the end of feb. We'll then post the evening invitations out once we're got them written out. We're hoping that by doing things now it gives us chance to get things sorted & out of the way so we can enjoy the planning process instead of stressing when we don't have rsvp's a month before the wedding!

As for the bank details, I don't think its worded particularly well but I don't think its that unusual. We have included an insert in our invitations that has a poem on explaining that we're not expecting a gift but if people do want to give something, the money would be much appreciated as we've lived together so long & the main things we'd like are big items! :-) Although we do have a gift list for those who want to give a physical something as opposed to cash.

Idiophreak

Don't see the big deal here at all...Most people start booking their hols up around this time of year, so giving them plenty of notice seems like a good idea. Fine, they could send save the date cards, then wait a few months and send the invitations - but maybe they couldn't be bothered, or didn't want to pay double postage etc.

If it's an issue, just talk to them about it...they're supposed to be "friends", after all.

Finally, on the bank details thing - it probably could have been worded better, but the whole things such a political minefield these days, you can't hold whatever people write against them. If people don't want toast racks, nude figurines and half-sets of crockery - if they'd rather have the money, so be it - and, as above, most people these days will prefer just to have the bank details and do a transfer online. Just makes life easier.