Update from me (and I need a chat!)

kathfisch

annie-c wrote:

Kath, your 10 things post made me do a little jump, because it sounded like you were writing things you knew about me!

Something someone once advised me to do was to write down an account (like you've done) of how you're feeling and then look at it again as if it were written by somone else and think about and write down how you'd advise that person to move forward. Since you know that you're too hard on yourself, then, write some advice as if to another... and then take the advice.

Weird... it always feels like I'm the only person I know who feels like this... nice to know I'm not!

I think that sounds like a really good idea! That's why counselling and writing things down have always worked well for me (as opposed to just thinking!) because saying things out loud (or written down) makes it easier to comprehend and think about rationally.

I'm off to work now (so nice to be able to say that! :j ) so I'll check back tonight or tomorrow. Thanks for all your words of support guys!

Kath x

Dr.Lou

Hi Kath,

Just a few thoughts....Could you become self employed? Maybe wedding photography, you know the type where the photographer stands back and shoots 'natural' pics throughout the day. They seem increasingly popular and charge a small fortune too. Or perhaps you could take some local scenery pictures and set up a stall on a market locally and sell them. People love that sort of thing! Get in touch with https://www.becauseyoucan.com and Business Eye and see if you could have any help (costs or training etc) for doing so. You have a great skill which people need and personally I would think you would do a lot of business especially if you are reasonable with costs to start with.

Know how confidence sapping it can be to be looking for a specific type of job and not getting anywhere, but what I've realised slowly is that it is not your fault and if you have succeeded at something before (your degree etc) you can do it again. I'm in a similar position but have decided to retrain as something else and go self employed hopefully.

Best of Luck!

Headintheclouds_3

Hi kathfisch

I always really enjoy reading your advice to others - you're a real inspiration to us newbies - so I wanted to offer a virtual hug and a cuppa tea.

Uni never prepares you completely for the job-hunting process and it can be quite disparaging to graduate and find that your dream job isn't just sitting there waiting for you. But as a friend once said to me, it's better to be in a job and looking.

When I finished my undergrad degree, I spent the summer cleaning toilets in a factory. It was mega-hard manual labour but I met some fab people. When I finished my Masters, my first job was making the reels for fruit machines (not very DFW!) and I had to learn to work as part of a team. I was super-, ultra-ambitious, but I realised that I was still learning the soft skills I needed to get a 'career' job (working with others, negotiation, how to unblock a u-bend. OK maybe not that last one) I was almost 28 before I got a vocational IT job.

You know all of this, of course, but what I'm trying to say is that it won't happen straight away yet every day is closer to your dream job and every day you learn something else which will prepare you for that day - whether it's in a factory, a shop or the Houses of Parliament.

You seem to have compassion and common sense in tonnes, so I reckon you'll do okay Good luck !

annie-c

I'm off for the weekend now, but I wanted to leave another message before I go, to let you know that I've kept popping in and reading, and that I'm still thinking of you.

Take care and I hope you still have a restful weekend, after all this thinking you've started doing...

Annie xx

Glitterari

unfortuneatly haven't had the time to read the whole thread (supposed to be researching for an essay... :rolleyes: ) but in my first degree I did a dissertation on basically what you're experiencing at the moment - you procrastinator, you....(I'm one too btw)

Procrastinators are often viewed by others as lazy, and in a generally negative light, however, they tend to be extremely self-critical and set these massively high standards for themselves that they would not usually set for other people (and wouldn't expect them to attain). The standards are so high and quite simply anything less, just is not good enough, so if they fall short they are overly hard on themselves. They also tend to be perfectionists (which seems like a contradiction because of the habit of leaving things until the last minute) but it's the fear of not being able to do it or do it good enough that paralyses! And like I said, I'm one too.

Right - i think you said you weren't overly bothered about making a career out of photography? if this is the case - is there anything else you're interested in doing? I know you said debt-counselling - well look into it! Btw you would be fantastic at it and you sound like you'd make a great carer/support worker - there is always this kind of work around and you can do a lot of training on the job, NVQs etc.

When I was in the 3rd year at uni, I went to the careers advisor, I said I wanted to be a Social Worker and she said I would basically have to wipe people's bums (and the like) for at least 6 months before I look into it properly - which I had already known. What I'm saying is sometimes you need to go backwards to go forwards - ie you've got a degree so probably thought you should be getting paid for your work, however you need to do stuff for free essentially to get to that stage.

Don't be too harsh on yourself - so many graduates come out of uni and either can't find jobs or get jobs which people think why bother going to uni (I could have done my caring job without GCSE's even, but I needed that experience). The job market is flooded with graduates and that's the problem - you now need something quite special to stand out from the rest. At least you've got something - it's going to help you pay off the rest of your debts - that's a massive positive.

BTW I think most young people go through this kind of thing you're going through, I know I did I was about 18 when I did mine. You do get through it. It's just one of those things. You're still so young - you have got so much ahead of you - 3 months in a job you don't like that much - it's really not a long time. I know I sound so old now - well I've just turned 26 and just up until 26 there is so much more to come.

Rambling now.,

Love C x

ZTD

kathfisch wrote:

ZTD, some words of excellent sense from you as ever!

As ever? You obviously don't read most of my stuff...

kathfisch wrote:

Very kind of you! I try but as ever I underestimate the amount of help I can be.

You have 1,571 "Thanks". Tell me again where you think they come from. No storks don't bring them. That's the explanation for something else.

kathfisch wrote:

That's not fishing for compliments though... I just genuinely play down my own achievements :rolleyes:

Well you shouldn't. You should try to achieve a balance. Especially when you're looking for a job - even in competition with people less talented than yourself. Nettles might be the most unwelcome of weeds, but they quickly overwhelm shrinking violets unless the violets stop shrinking.

kathfisch wrote:

Oh, absolutely. Technically I hardly 'need' spend anything (except petrol and bridge toll to get to work now) because my parents are kindly paying for food and not asking for any rent (but I want to pay some now I'm working).

Yes, and I think that contribution to the household will also help your self-respect.

kathfisch wrote:

You're right... its not back at the beginning really. Just a few steps backward that to be honest happened a long time ago and I didn't want to admit it! But I still religiously keep a spending diary and own up to everything even if it makes me feel bad - that's heaps better than I was!!

Exactly.

kathfisch wrote:

I don't know really.

And you've got a spending diary...

kathfisch wrote:

Its not a lot exactly. In the last few months - a couple of items of clothing (£20-£30 each), some food out when I could have taken from home,

Go! Go outside! Find the harshest stinging nettles there are, and flog yourself severely to cleanse you of your sins! Now!

*Ahem*

kathfisch wrote:

a gym membership that's not exactly affordable but has truly kept me sane (that sounds like a newbie statement if ever there was one!).

It does - is it your only "time away from the house"? (Apart from your job now obviously)

kathfisch wrote:

I will, I will, I will. I will make a proper budget and include a little 'me' money and then think long and hard what one thing it would be best spent on

Good. And remember you don't have to spend it every week. You can let it build for that extra-special treat.

kathfisch wrote:

Yep, its infuriating! But I have some possibilities lined up for next year... volunteering with CSV and hopefully teaching photography in america (summer camp type of thing). They're not definite yet but would give me experience and confidence and be a total change for me!

They sound brilliant.

kathfisch wrote:

Totally right, again! All through uni I was desperate to get out and just do photography for the love of it... I do love it and it is more fulfilling than anything else I do... and now I'm there and I'm not doing it cos I'm scared I'll fail. There's no-one to judge me now though and I should just get on with it.

Also, depending on which kind of photographs you do, slogging around the countryside carrying heavy cameras and tripods will enable you to ditch the gym. It'll get you outside and make you strong...

kathfisch

Thanks again to all of you I've just got in from work and felt a lot more positive today, thanks to all the support on here!

Headintheclouds - you are right, of course, everything I learn will always be helpful... even if its not the kind of job I have as my 'ideal'.

Annie-c - thank you for your kind words today, I hope you have (are having!) a good weekend!

Glitterari - you are not old at all!! (I'm 22!) But you speak absolute sense about procrastinating being linked with perfectionism and fear of failure. What you've written describes me to a T! I really wish there was some way to lessen the paralysis a bit. I am more used to the idea of failure now though... well 'failure' against my stupidly high standards. I've always done well at school - straight As at GCSE and A level etc - but when it came to my degree I got a 2:1. Which is nothing to be ashamed of but I have to admit I was tense to find out my result because I was worried how i would feel if it was not a 1st (I was only 2% away from a first :rolleyes: :rotfl: ). Obviously to everyone else I would say I was fine but I honestly didn't know how I would feel - but it was ok! I appreciate that so many people would kill to get a 2:1 and I'm not bigheaded or anything, I just set these high targets to reach!

ZTD - you've always spoken sense in the posts I've read! I have got a spending diary and I could go through it and list every item that's been unnecessary but I'd be too embarrassed I think I also haven't really got a handle on exactly how much into my overdraft I am - I do have internet banking and I do check it every day but there are various payments to go in/out what with matched betting etc, I think I need some sort of spreadsheet to keep track of all transactions and my effective 'balance'. Ooh, I love making spreadsheets!! :rotfl:

I tell you what, I won't need the gym at all with this job 5 days a week, it's exhausting!! I work in ladieswear which is three floors above the stock room and it takes 5/10 mins of walking to get there and back... at speed because the customer's waiting of course :eek: And when I'm on the fitting rooms I end up with armfuls of clothes and people piling more and more on top... my arms ache... in a good kind of way!!!

Thanks all for cheering me up

x

James240

awww hun just read this thread and although i havent got any words of advice i thought i would offer u a hug :grouphug:

kathfisch

James240 wrote:

awww hun just read this thread and although i havent got any words of advice i thought i would offer u a hug :grouphug:

Ahh, thank you, very sweet of you! Hugs are good!

MinnieSpender

Kath - I've only just found your thread and just want to give you the biggest hug.

I can't add anything to what people have written - it's all good advice and I could only echo it.

I'll tell you instead what you mean to me.

When I've been down (too often recently) who is the usually the first person to be there for me? YOU. I cannot even begin to tell you how that makes me feel. Knowing I've got a friend out there who has never met me or even knows the background why I'm down half the time but who is so generous with her time and kindness gets me through some of the darkest times.

You're my little ray (him again) of sunshine. Funny, witty, clever and artistic. (You're also a bit of a babe - you've posted the photos and we all think it!) It's just a matter of time for you, lady, and don't let a dull Christmas job get you down. I'll PM you a complete list of the worst jobs I've done (I've very old so it's very many) if you really want to be cheered up, and I don't regret a single one of them. I've even made friends from some of these jobs who have helped me out many years later. No experience is ever wasted.

I can't offer anything else - it's late and my brain hurts! But I'll be back to check up on you so keep posting - good or bad.

Mins x