Update from me (and I need a chat!)

bobble_hat

:grouphug:

Big Hugs (((Kathfisch))), there seems to be a lot of this going around at the moment. It is definitely the time of year. We really should be hibernating right about now.

You are doing really well, and the fact that you aware of where you are at is already a huge achievement. Stop being so hard on yourself, I'm glad to see that you took Storm's advice and did your list, we could all have a go at that, it is so difficult to sing your own praises.

Your comments throughout this site to others have been sympathetic and useful which is exactly what is needed. I hope you can use that strength and wisdom for yourself too.

It's a long journey we're all on, just like an alcoholic take it one day at a time.

Bobbly x

pudding06

Sunderland - thats where I was born - once a makkam always a makkam!!! I live in the NE still,

hope youre getting picked up at the airport, but if not you can get the metro from newcastle airport all the way to sunderland town centre.

and we quite nice folk up here too - so many people come to uni here and never leave!!!!

good luck for your visit, getting published wopuld be fantastic

pudds

ZTD

Another place to look is for places which provide royalty-free "incidental" pictures for web-sites etc. If accepted, you'll get a small one-off payment, but it is a showcase for your talents.

Ali-OK

Hey Kath

You need to believe you are the amazing person you are - yes I know it's easier said then done, but when those compliments come in from your Xmas job be it customers or colleagues, you will start to get that belief and confidence back.

But something I'd like to add - I hold you in the highest regard for all the right reasons people have posted above, but for me personally, the one thing you did for me (probably unknowingly at the time) was to be the first responder to my first post about my debt. You welcomed me, you cared, you helped me and gave me confidence to post a second time and so on.

Plus, many people don't follow the career path they studied so hard for..for many reasons and sometimes, a bit of luck and being the all round good person you are can take you somewhere in work that you didn't expect. I'm an example of that and it couldn't have turned out better. At the time, it took lots of people around me (then colleagues and friends) to build my confidence that I could tread an unknown path and take some calculated risks.

You will succeed and good luck with your art appointment.

kathfisch

ZTD, some words of excellent sense from you as ever!

ZTD wrote:

Nobody minds self-indulgence so long as it's not all the time. With the amount of time and effort you've taken to help others on the forum - you have quite a bit of self-indulgence to do before you even approach balancing things up.

Very kind of you! I try but as ever I underestimate the amount of help I can be. That's not fishing for compliments though... I just genuinely play down my own achievements :rolleyes:

ZTD wrote:

Which shows that your spending is still an emotional part of you. An emotional need, rather than an unemotional "have to".

Oh, absolutely. Technically I hardly 'need' spend anything (except petrol and bridge toll to get to work now) because my parents are kindly paying for food and not asking for any rent (but I want to pay some now I'm working).

ZTD wrote:

So, with that story told - how can you say you're back at the beginning? You're in control. You know what to do and how to do it. Sometimes you don't do it, but if you were perfect - I'd have a rival...

You're right... its not back at the beginning really. Just a few steps backward that to be honest happened a long time ago and I didn't want to admit it! But I still religiously keep a spending diary and own up to everything even if it makes me feel bad - that's heaps better than I was!!

ZTD wrote:

Right. So how much is this exactly? And what on?

We all spend too much. There's always unneccesary things bought, whether it's a bag of maltesers or a cappuchino. The importance is that it - every individual item - is worth it overall and you're not dragging yourself into trouble.

I don't know really. Its not a lot exactly. In the last few months - a couple of items of clothing (£20-£30 each), some food out when I could have taken from home, a gym membership that's not exactly affordable but has truly kept me sane (that sounds like a newbie statement if ever there was one!).

More just a general knowledge that I'm not on top of things in the way I should be. And no, every item has not been worth it overall... I need to get back into that mindset.

ZTD wrote:

Of course you do. Employed or unemployed, rich or poor, you deserve something. That something is respect. Both by yourself and others.

Thank you I have it from others I think, just me that's struggling.

ZTD wrote:

At the moment you seem to be in the trap of buying "little treats" to cheer yourself up, then making yourself miserable because you've bought it. Which needs a "little treat" to cheer yourself up...

Get off that merry-go-round. Budget for that little something. Put a little bit of money away every week for something you really want. If you don't want anything, or you can't afford anything you really want, then save the money up until you can afford something that you truly want.

I will, I will, I will. I will make a proper budget and include a little 'me' money and then think long and hard what one thing it would be best spent on

ZTD wrote:

Your unemployment is not your fault. I was unemployed for years after leaving university - so I know exactly how you feel. You can't get a job because you don't have experience. But you can't get experience because you don't have a job.

Yep, its infuriating! But I have some possibilities lined up for next year... volunteering with CSV and hopefully teaching photography in america (summer camp type of thing). They're not definite yet but would give me experience and confidence and be a total change for me!

ZTD wrote:

It is good enough. In your life, you will do jobs for various reasons. For the money, for the love, and for the experience.

This job hits two of those. Use it as a learning experience. Be keen, and try to learn as much as you can, and make a note of all you have learned.

Although you know you can, employers like to see proof that you can get out of bed on a morning, and that you can deal with the general public and that you can get on with work collegues - and this job will help you prove that.

That's a good point - this job does fulfill 2 of those things. It will be good experience to have, I know that rationally, but I'm still capable of feeling negative about it :rolleyes:

ZTD wrote:

Or that you accept that not every job that you do will be "the one", and that to reach the final destination of your "dream job", you have to wade through other lesser jobs.

Point taken!

ZTD wrote:

It would, but that's not the reason why you should do it. You should start new work to re-waken your passion for what you do.

Totally right, again! All through uni I was desperate to get out and just do photography for the love of it... I do love it and it is more fulfilling than anything else I do... and now I'm there and I'm not doing it cos I'm scared I'll fail. There's no-one to judge me now though and I should just get on with it.

ZTD wrote:

Failure is not an end. It's just a way of learning how to do things better. Think back over all the stuff you know. How many of those skills were learned before the harsh altar of "try and fail"?

Most of them, that's for sure. Again, under the banner of 'rationally I know this but emotionally it doesn't feel like it'

ZTD wrote:

This is not long. Even if it was, there is no reason to apologise for it. It's the length it needs to be.

Said the Actress to the Bishop...

And I hope you at least smiled at that...

I did

kathfisch

pudding06 wrote:

Sunderland - thats where I was born - once a makkam always a makkam!!! I live in the NE still,

hope youre getting picked up at the airport, but if not you can get the metro from newcastle airport all the way to sunderland town centre.

and we quite nice folk up here too - so many people come to uni here and never leave!!!!

good luck for your visit, getting published wopuld be fantastic

pudds

Always good to see makkam's represented pudding... I studied my degree in sunderland so I'm an honourary one at least!! I might have been one of those who never left... I might still be back permanently... but money dictates that I'm with my parents at the mo!

I'm meeting him at the NGCA (above the library in the centre) so I'll have to get the metro from the airport... could navigate the metro system with my eyes closed though so that's not a problem!

kathfisch

Ali-OK wrote:

But something I'd like to add - I hold you in the highest regard for all the right reasons people have posted above, but for me personally, the one thing you did for me (probably unknowingly at the time) was to be the first responder to my first post about my debt. You welcomed me, you cared, you helped me and gave me confidence to post a second time and so on.

Ali, I'm glad to hear that! I didn't remember that I was the first but I'm really touched that you do

Penny-Pincher!!

KathFisch....You've come so far hun! Well done on the job front too. You are truly doing well and you should pat yourself on the back.

Life can be a struggle sometimes and its easy for all of us to be negative about ourselves...even though we are all wonderful people...well in our own way sometimes:D

I think after graduating we are on such a high as you have such high expectations and then when we cant get a half decent job, we blame ourselves for being stupid and thick. We do also have to realise that there are loads more intelligent people out there than us, so we have to work harder and not give 100% but 110%!

Live for today and tomorrow and not yesterday or the day before!

You can and will succeed;)

Have you considered any confidence building courses-they are excellent and often free through your local college. When you start working you will probably find that your confidence will increase as you take on more responsibilities and become more familiar/confident with your daily routine.

Come on hun......YOU CAN DO IT!!

Hugs and chin up. Ive always loved your posts and YES you ARE a genuine lovely and nice person. Im always available to PM or chat on MSN if you would like, but TBH, I think it wont be long till you find your wings and leave us all behind:j :j :j

PP
xx

Storm

kathfisch wrote:

6) I can speak french well how did you know storm?!

Ha! My psychic training must be paying off!:rotfl:

What else can I manage... You are going to become a world-famous photographer that all of us will be using in the 'Who's met the most famous person?' debate in the pub! :T

annie-c

Kath, your 10 things post made me do a little jump, because it sounded like you were writing things you knew about me!

Something someone once advised me to do was to write down an account (like you've done) of how you're feeling and then look at it again as if it were written by somone else and think about and write down how you'd advise that person to move forward. Since you know that you're too hard on yourself, then, write some advice as if to another... and then take the advice.