advice wanted re new bf and his family

RacyRed

I think it is his attitude that is the problem. I can't understand why, this early in a relationship, he is insisting on spending some of the very limited time you have together with his brother, leaving you to fend for yourself in his house? Leaving you to entertain his son while he plays with his brother? He sounds like a very selfish parent to me.

Personally, if he did that to me, I'd be straight out of the door, telling him that if he wants a baby sitter to look after his kids while he has a night of fun with his brother then he will have to bluddy well pay for one! (and if he wants extras later he can pay for that as well!!)

Think about it. He has 2 children of his own. Take this guy on and you will end up caring for 3 extra children with no reliable adult to help you.

You sound really nice, you can do much better.

Chuck him back in the sea.

balletshoes

bonjovibel_729 wrote: »

thanks for that reply made a lot more sense to me than some others...it is not the fact he was smoking that bothers me more the fact he does it with his brother on the only other night we had to spend together....guess i have to face facts like someone said i will never be number one priority after his kids......

i know for a fact that i wud never let him smoke while my kids were in the house and wud certainly not let him do it in my house....i dont feel i can tell him how to bring his own kids up...

okay so knowing that you are not in the top 3 of his priorities in life (kids, his family and smoking come before you), and knowing that you would never let him smoke in your home or around your kids, where does that leave you as regards a future with him? ie how do you envisage living together - and would you even want that considering he doesn't want to move, and won't be stopping smoking in the forseeable future?

eta - if you don't want a serious relationship, and it suits you to carry on having a casual thing with him in the way it is just now, you don't really need to get to know his family particularly well. If you object to being in the same room as him and his brother while they're smoking (I would too) you need to tell him that you're not avoiding his brother, you're just avoiding the stink of the smoke on you.

moggylover

I've come late to this thread, but there is little more I can add!

I don't think smoking a bit of weed is a hanging offence (even around children) and don't think it is actually any worse than drinking a couple of glasses of wine, except perhaps in the "smoke inhalation" sense and as a couple of others have said: there are worse things than that.

However, the impression I get is that this guy isn't really looking for a companion in a woman, but perhaps more of a mum for his kids, someone to do the houework (or at least share it) and someone to provide those "benefits" that can make a bed a warmer place. Having had one of those myself I can assure you that it makes for a dark and resentful place to be after a while:cool:

I think you already know that that is not enough for you (and I second the comment that you sound really nice and deserving of more) and I think you should go with that niggling feeling in your gut that this isn't the relationship for you, and ditch him.

Good luck, I am certain there is someone much more deserving of your lovely self out there, but I would also agree with those that say they would not be that keen to introduce their kids to a boyfriend quite so soon into a relationship.

belfastgirl23

Interesting how we all have sort of different views on the family and the smoking etc but we all agree that you should get rid

RacyRed

belfastgirl23 wrote: »

Interesting how we all have sort of different views on the family and the smoking etc but we all agree that you should get rid

Spot on