advice wanted re new bf and his family

Bennifred

property.advert wrote: »

If that were true, then by definition the OP would be condoning parents taking drugs when in charge of kids which in itself would raise doubts over her own moral compass.

To do nothing would appear wrong in this situation. To turn a blind eye because her desperation for a relationship was so high as to overlook the shortcomings of this degenerate father is worse. To introduce his way of life to her kids would make her an unfit mother.

There is surely no question to answer.

Agreed - but I still think the OP is unlikely to take that action, just by the tone of her posts.:(

photogifts

I have in my time smoked to be honest i thinks its safer than alcohol
i wont lie there is very very rare time i still smoke it like a weekend music festival once a year but there's a time and place not and i repeat not in front of kids and not around my girlfriend its a respect i have for her i don't go out of my way to buy it

me and my girlfriend are 45 minutes apart and i knew if the time came for us to move in i know what would come first if i had been smoking a lot what i love about her is she is very reasonable person and compromises so if she was unhappy and i couldn't see why i would know it was something i have done.

I do think he is being a bit selfish one night boy session a week wouldnt be so bad if thats what it was going to be but if you moved in together chances are it would be in your face and more sessions than that.

and me as very rare smoker i wouldn't even dream of entertaining it daily in my life been there ticked that box and its boring i know the grass is greener without it just because he smokes sometimes doesn't make him bad prospect its just the way he's doing it is making him a bad prospect

bonjovibel_729

photogifts wrote: »

I have in my time smoked to be honest i thinks its safer than alcohol
i wont lie there is very very rare time i still smoke it like a weekend music festival once a year but there's a time and place not and i repeat not in front of kids and not around my girlfriend its a respect i have for her i don't go out of my way to buy it

me and my girlfriend are 45 minutes apart and i knew if the time came for us to move in i know what would come first if i had been smoking a lot what i love about her is she is very reasonable person and compromises so if she was unhappy and i couldn't see why i would know it was something i have done.

I do think he is being a bit selfish one night boy session a week wouldnt be so bad if thats what it was going to be but if you moved in together chances are it would be in your face and more sessions than that.

and me as very rare smoker i wouldn't even dream of entertaining it daily in my life been there ticked that box and its boring i know the grass is greener without it just because he smokes sometimes doesn't make him bad prospect its just the way he's doing it is making him a bad prospect

thanks for that reply made a lot more sense to me than some others...it is not the fact he was smoking that bothers me more the fact he does it with his brother on the only other night we had to spend together....guess i have to face facts like someone said i will never be number one priority after his kids......

i know for a fact that i wud never let him smoke while my kids were in the house and wud certainly not let him do it in my house....i dont feel i can tell him how to bring his own kids up...

Errata

guess i have to face facts like someone said i will never be number one priority after his kids......

You not only come after his kids, you come after his smoking, drinking, Xbox, brother and the rest of his family.
And why not? he's only known you for 12 weeks.

pupsicola

What a catch he sounds :rotfl:

He wants your relationship on his terms only. He insists on you getting to know his family without taking into account your feelings on this. Worst of all he is happy to smoke "stuff" around his kid.

Run for the hills is my advice. I'd have shipped out weeks ago.
:j:j:j Three cheers for you and your staying power.

belfastgirl23

Whatever he is smoking, he shouldn't be doing it with the kids in the house. It is really not good for them.

And TBH having been a bit of a pothead in my youth, I'm not keen on people smoking regularly once they get older. OK fair enough it's a phase people go through but if they're still smoking heavily and regularly by the time they're old enough to have kids, it's not good.

I would definitely not be sitting in a room where people are smoking now, even cigarettes, you come out stinking, it's gross.

I'm normally a 'try to work it out' kinda gal but I also agree - run for the hills

JoJoB

I'm a person who smokes pot from time to time, but certainly not daily, or even weekly, and never in the house as my 2 year old would certainly inhale it.

If used infrequently it certainly has no more detrimental effects on most people than having a few glasses of wine, and social services wouldn't be on your case for that! But this guy sounds like he has become a bit too embroiled in his habit, to the point of selfishness. It's his life, and his kids - and kids often grow up in worse atmospheres that the occasional fug of pot smoke, so I suspect that other aspects of his parenting may make up for this one failing.

But as to his attitude to you and your feelings on the matter it seems to be a case of "put up or shut up" and I for one would not be willing to pander to it!

AnnaLicious_2

Why are you focusing on trivial things like 'his brother doesn't like me' and 'we need to spend more time together.
He Does Drugs In Front Of His Children.
He Does Drugs When He Is Looking After His Children.
He Will Do Drugs In Front of Your Children.

If you move closer to him, he will keep trying you badly, and you will be teaching your children:
1. Do Drugs
2. Treat Women Badly

If you were my friend and you chose to move in with him, I would in all honestly phone social services out of concern for the children.

You need to think about why you are entertaining this relationship, why your self-esteem is so low, and why your children are not a priority. How old are your children? If any of them are under 5 years old, I suggest going to your local children's centre and asking about some parenting courses.

You are an adult, in charge of children.

bonjovibel_729

AnnaLicious wrote: »

Why are you focusing on trivial things like 'his brother doesn't like me' and 'we need to spend more time together.
He Does Drugs In Front Of His Children.
He Does Drugs When He Is Looking After His Children.
He Will Do Drugs In Front of Your Children.

If you move closer to him, he will keep trying you badly, and you will be teaching your children:
1. Do Drugs
2. Treat Women Badly

If you were my friend and you chose to move in with him, I would in all honestly phone social services out of concern for the children.

You need to think about why you are entertaining this relationship, why your self-esteem is so low, and why your children are not a priority. How old are your children? If any of them are under 5 years old, I suggest going to your local children's centre and asking about some parenting courses.

You are an adult, in charge of children.

can i just say i completely resent the fact that u are assuming i am an unfit mother and need parenting classes...i did not ask for advice on how i bring up my children...just to put the record straight i do not have low self esteem....AND MY CHILDREN ARE MY PRIORITY...i do not and would not ever let him smoke when my children are at my house....what he does i wud never let it affect my children.........

just because he smokes does not make him a bad parent in fact he is a brilliant parent bringing up two kids on his own ....yes i do not find it appropriate for him to smoke it but everyone has different views.

JoJoB

Yes, I think all the people suggesting social services should really think about what would cause the most harm - a smoky atmosphere or being removed from a father they love. It's clearly not an ideal situation but none of us are perfect parents. To bring up the spectre of social services is really going overboard. Get a grip!