advice wanted re new bf and his family

RacyRed

Don't waste any more time on this guy.

downshifted

What would you tell a friend to do in this situation?

bonjovibel_729

somethingsgottogive wrote: »

You've been seeing him for 3 months, but you've only been able to spend time with each other twice a week - so if you add it up, you've really not been 'together' long enough for him to reasonably ask you to upsticks and move

If he doesn't understand that, as well as you not wanting to disrupt your children's lives, then he's probably not someone you could be in an fair, equal and supportive relationship with further down the line

when u say it like that it does sound way too early .,....i think i knew this deep down and was really not considering it seriously i do not want to disrupt the kids lives as my eldest has just started in senior skool.....the thing that annoys me about it was when i asked him if he wud move closer to me it was an outright no way even tho he has one child who is about to leave skool and the other has not long started so wud be far easier for him to move than me........

bonjovibel_729

lostinrates wrote: »

Its interesting that lots of us think run, but for different reasons. To me, three months with dates mainly once a week on friday...thats 12-14 times meeting...is early to know the kids well, rather the time you might start about meeting them/introducing them to a new partner.

Its certainly too soon to be playing second fiddle to a brother (but not to children) let alone regularly. (though I think its right he continue hobbies with a brither, but not the weekly on a night you can see each other)

three months cannot be compared to a long term relationship. Its too soon to feel committed, especially to man smoking in a house with children...whether you are entertaining them or not.

i understand what ur sayin about playin second fiddle but think his second marriage broke up because his wife cud not accept his family and he basically asked him to choose between her or his family...i wud never do that as i know his family are important to him but also feel like i shud be given sometime even if its only once a month to spend alone with him grrrrr men lol

Bennifred

bonjovibel_729 wrote: »

when u say it like that it does sound way too early .,....i think i knew this deep down and was really not considering it seriously i do not want to disrupt the kids lives as my eldest has just started in senior skool.....the thing that annoys me about it was when i asked him if he wud move closer to me it was an outright no way even tho he has one child who is about to leave skool and the other has not long started so wud be far easier for him to move than me........

Well, that just says it all.:mad:

Annisele

Nah, not "men" - sounds like your problem is with this particular man

I promise there is one out there that doesn't expect the compromises to be all one way, but sadly it doesn't sound as though your current boyfriend is that one.

pinkshoes

He sounds like a jerk.

You hardly know this guy, and he's already behaving like an ejit. I'm surprised you've let him meet your kids so early on!!

Personally I'd call it a day. There are far nicer guys out there.

Glitzkiss

bonjovibel_729 wrote: »

when u say it like that it does sound way too early .,....i think i knew this deep down and was really not considering it seriously i do not want to disrupt the kids lives as my eldest has just started in senior skool.....the thing that annoys me about it was when i asked him if he wud move closer to me it was an outright no way even tho he has one child who is about to leave skool and the other has not long started so wud be far easier for him to move than me........

Did he specify he wouldn't move because of his children? Does he acknowledge your children are at a critical point in their schooling but still wants you to move? If it's yes to both of these then my advice is to cool things and put your children first. It's possible he won't and can you really take that chance?

lostinrates

bonjovibel_729 wrote: »

i understand what ur sayin about playin second fiddle but think his second marriage broke up because his wife cud not accept his family and he basically asked him to choose between her or his family...i wud never do that as i know his family are important to him but also feel like i shud be given sometime even if its only once a month to spend alone with him grrrrr men lol

My husband's familyare very important to him too. Its one of the things I found attractive about him. still, during the hormone charged early months of our relationship he felt tor by his commitments and it made it easy for me to remember how important his time with them was....even though he wanted to spend more time with me.

I repeat what someone else said. Its not ''men''. There are really amazing men out there. Super men, nice men...en who will want whats good for children (disruption and smoking is not on that list).

*max*

bonjovibel_729 wrote: »

i understand what ur sayin about playin second fiddle but think his second marriage broke up because his wife cud not accept his family and he basically asked him to choose between her or his family...i wud never do that as i know his family are important to him but also feel like i shud be given sometime even if its only once a month to spend alone with him grrrrr men lol

Saying "grrr men!" is for times when your bloke forgets to replace the toilet roll. Not for times when he tells you outright you are much less important than his weekly pi$$-up/smoke up Xbox session with his brother.
It's not about chosing between his family and you. It's about respect and consideration for your feelings. He's not showing any.

I'm afraid you are being a bit of a doormat here, and making all the effort! By any means, have a chat with him about what you both want from the relationship, but I suspect he's not willing to compromise for you, by the looks of it.